Every time I travel by airplane, my empathy for the Plains Indians grows. Those of you scratching your heads, and wondering what air travel and the Lone Ranger have in common probably didn’t teach social studies to third and fourth graders. I’ll explain so you can go back to believing you’re smarter than a fourth grader.
Third and fourth graders read lots of legends. One describes how the nomadic life of Plains Indians was limited by how much people could carry from place to place. Some enterprising tribes hitched sled-type carts to dogs to haul more stuff. But for the most part, New World travelers were limited to the indigenous equivalent of one personal item and one carry on item, with all three ounce bottles of gels and liquids in zippered plastic bags, when they were out and about.
The more I travel by air, the more I feel like a blonde Indian squaw packing for a trip across Ioway or the Dakotas. First I pack every single thing necessary for a delightful and profitable trip:
- Scentless soap root, youth-enhancing mud facial masks, dried fruit for regularity.
- The five sets of quilled buckskins picked up at Eddie Bauer’s 70% off sale.
- Slip on/slip off moccasins for security check in.
- Dressy moccasins for speaking engagements.
- Comfy, fur lined undergarments.
- A generous supply of soft leaves and cattail fluff for hygiene purposes.
- All the latest technological communication gadgets – firewood for smoke signals, blades of grass for whistling, dried gourds filled with seeds and the like.
- A variety of sharp sticks so I can trace promotional copy in the dirt along the way.
I try to lift my luggage.
Impossible.
Reality sets in. I unpack and repack, unpack and repack, discarding treasures until I’m able to tote that barge and lift that bale. Then off I go, traveling light with the clothes on my back, and two pieces of luggage containing a handful of dried fruit, a bundle of firewood and one sharp writing stick. Talk about limiting my business prospects!
The Plains Indians’ prospects didn’t improve until Old World shipwrecks, sailors, and soldiers unleashed horses in the Americas. Once the Indians tamed Trigger and turned him into a pack animal, life started looking up for the Sioux, the Cheyenne, the Crow, and other tribes.
I’m thinking the horse solution will be a hard sell to the airlines. They could say no immediately, even. So my career advances at a snail’s pace thanks to air travel luggage restrictions. The slow down gives my inner squaw plenty of time to appreciate the New World amenities that rendered soft leaves and cat tail fluff obsolete.
Now, your average fourth grader has no idea of what I’m talking about. On the other hand, you are growing increasingly thankful for toilet paper, Kotex, and Depends the more you think about soft leaves and cat tail fluff.
You really are smarter than a fourth grader.
