About a week ago, NPR ran a story about a study of a drug that “allows the brain to absorb new information as easily as it did before age 7.”

Yahoo!

I was all enthusiastic about having a brain flexible enough to learn perfect pitch (the subject of the study), or a foreign language which, the report reminded, is much easier for children to learn than for adults. The whole idea being able to learn stuff missed during childhood, such as the language of mathematics (as the sad state of our checkbook attests I missed it) was highly enticing. So enticing I was compelled to read the online story to see if it was too good to be true.

Turns out, it was.

Too good to be true, that is. According to the comments made by listeners and readers–and there were plenty–the mood-stabilizing drug used in the study has lots of side effects. Also, as some who left comments snarkily and repeatedly pointed out, the name of the drug was misspelled in the transcript of the audio report. (Nothing in the report as to whether the misspelling was a side effect of the mood-stabilizing drug or if the person who did the transcribing missed the language of spelling before age 7.) Either way, the side effects mentioned in the comments make it doubtful that the smart pill will be on the market any time soon.

So this creeping-up-on 60 body is stuck with its creeping-up-on 60 brain.

Back to life before hearing the report of the smart pill and visions of speaking multiple languages began dancing in my head. And visions of dancing the tango. Along with visions of learning to figure skate, play chess, and put on mascara with my mouth shut. All skills missed before age 7. At least this way, I console myself, my body and brain remain a matched set.

Though I really had my heart set on wearing a flippy little figure skating skirt.

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