It’s spring again and time to ensure the safety and well-being of my family on this Fantastic Friday. This post from April of 2014 does the trick with its list of the top ten food banned from my table. Can I hear an amen?

10.  Oatmeal raisin cookies. They are nasty imposters cursed by chocolate chip lovers everywhere.

9.   Any baked good with fruit that turns the bread part soggy. Think apple cake, rhubarb bars, and oatmeal raisin cookies. It’s a texture thing.

8.   Rice pudding with raisins. See #9 for further clarification.

7.   Salmon patties. I’m referring to the kind my mother used to make with canned salmon, bread crumbs, eggs, and who knows what else. They were a mushy mess, except for the bones that could lodge in the throat. No food should be both disgusting and dangerous!

6.  Calamari. Like salmon patties, this food is a mix of disgusting and dangerous. The tentacles and suction cups are disgusting. And think about those suction cups attaching themselves to the inside of a person’s esophagus (it could happen). Dangerous!

5.   Oysters. Slimy on the outside. Sandy on the inside. Add this one to the disgusting list.

4.  Milk toast and poached eggs. Combine the soggy toast (see #9 for clarification) with the runny yolks of poached eggs, and you’ve got a food worthy of involuntary shudders. Why did my grandpa make this for us when we were already sick?

3.  Canned vegetables with the life boiled out of them. Spinach and brussel sprouts are prime examples. Canned hominy is another.

2.  Any animal organ or strange body part: tongue, heart, liver, gizzard, brain, or testicles. These foods are particularly objectionable to those with a keen visualization skills or active imaginations.

1.  Asparagus in any form. Them’s fighting words for asparagus lovers, I know, but this is my list and asparagus tops it.

Add your objections to #1 and your additions to the list in the comment box below.