by jphilo | Feb 16, 2012 | Current Events, Three Thoughts for Thursday
Since this week began with a smokin’ episode of Downton Abbey and moved on to Valentine’s Day, it’s no wonder this Thursday’s three thoughts include love triangles. But as for the fixations with hot flashes and Pinterest, I have no idea of their origin.
- The minute Lavinia Swire walked into Downton Abbey, she was the doomed member of the love triangle. In our family, we call it the “Bonanza” principle. It’s named after the 1960s – 70s TV western series where beautiful, female guest stars always died. How about you? Did you see it coming?
- If a picture is worth 1000 words, is there any place on Pinterest for writers?
- If women in their 50s were in charge of utilities companies, they would already have invented heat pumps that could be attached to menopausal, hot flashing women, thus alleviating human suffering and solving the energy crisis in one, fell swoop.
Now it’s your turn. Leave a comment about your Thursday thoughts, even if they don’t include Valentine’s Day, Downton Abbey, Pinterest, and hot flashes.
by jphilo | Feb 14, 2012 | Daily Life
Five Things to Like About Valentine’s Day, 2012
- The slow increase in daylight since December 21 becomes obvious on Valentine’s Day.
- My afternoon will not be spent supervising a roomful of students on major sugar highs.
- Our monthly writers’ critique group meets tonight, which means the evening will be spent with some of my favorite people.
- I’m going out to lunch with my husband and mom, the two people who have known me the longest, seen me at my worst, and stick by me anyway.
- Coconut, caramel, maple nut, and peanut butter-filled chocolates.
Five Things to Dislike About Valentine’s Day, 2012
- The slowly increasing hours of daylight can not hide the fact that Valentine’s Day is still in winter.
- My afternoon will not include sweet notes from young children.
- An evening with my writers’ group sounds more fun than getting dolled up and going out to eat with Hiram – him elbowing through the crowds while I fall off my high heels.
- I’ll be eating salad at lunch while the people who have known me the longest, seen me at my worst, and stick by me anyway eat burgers and fries.
- Marshmallow and cherry-filled chocolates.
What do you like and dislike about Valentine’s Day? Add to the list by leaving a comment!
by jphilo | Feb 13, 2012 | Family
When Mom and I kept our standing lunch date last Tuesday, I mentioned that our next lunch would fall on Valentine’s Day. “That’s kind of fun, Mom. What would you like for Valentine’s Day?”
She thought for a few seconds. “Well, what I really want for Valentine’s Day I can’t have.” She fiddled with her coffee cup. “So I might as well not mention it.”
“Go ahead,” I encouraged her. “What do you really want?”
“What I really want is a few more years with your dad before his mind went…” She paused and moved her fingers in a circle at the side of her head. Her brow furrowed, and her blue eyes looked sad. “…you know, before he was…”
“I know,” I whispered.
“He wasn’t with me that way long enough,” Mom sighed.
I nodded, not knowing what to say. There are no words for Mom’s loss. Dad’s diagnosis of multiple sclerosis at age 29, less than 10 years after their marriage. The love of her life struck down by multiple sclerosis. The end of her dream of being the wife of a county extension agent and mother to an increasing brood of kids. The loss of the bread winner, the protector, and leader of the family she loved so much and taking on those roles for the next 38 years as Dad slowly failed and finally died at age 67.
Now, 15 years after his death, what does Mom want for Valentine’s Day?
Not chocolate.
Not flowers.
Not a card.
She wants a few more years with her husband as he once was.
I looked at her, across the table, and said, “We can’t know what life would have been like if he hadn’t gotten sick. But I do know the life you gave us was a good one. You raised us well.”
She nodded and smiled. “I did a pretty good job, didn’t I?”
“You did,” I agreed and helped her into her coat and out the door.
Hiram’s off tomorrow, so we’re going down together to see Mom. We’ll take her to lunch at Culver’s, one of her favorite places to eat. Mainly because she loves their frozen turtle custard.
Over dessert, we’ll tease her like Dad did. We’ll talk about his love of ice cream, his silly jokes, his infectious grin, the goofy songs he loved to sing, the cribbage rules he invented as he played.
Compared to what Mom has lost, lunch at Culvers doesn’t seem like much. But perhaps, sharing memories of Dad and indulging in the laughter and dessert he loved will bring him to her in some small way. Perhaps, over frozen custard, we can give Mom a memory of what she’s wanted for Valentine’s Day for years.
by jphilo | Feb 14, 2011 | Current Events
This past weekend, Iowans enjoyed a break in the weather. It came just in time for Valentine’s Day, so women can wear dresses and strappy, spiky shoes instead of fuzzy sweaters, wool pants, and winter boots. KInda nice to set aside winter toughness for a few days, in anticipation of spring’s kindness.
I took advantage of the sunshine and warmer temperatures hovering around freezing and walked outside on Saturday. This is my version of spring training, my opportunity to toughen up before swimsuit season arrives. Not that I’m big into swim suits (or strappy, spiky shoes for that matter), but that’s beside the point.
The point is that my pride at being one tough women, who braved February weather to walk outside, was properly dashed after reading a couple tidbits in the Harding County, South Dakota weekly newspaper, the Nation’s Center News. You may think it’s pretty pathetic for someone to still take the paper, 25 years after they moved away. But trust me, articles about the tough women who live in the remote, northwest corner of South Dakota keep me renewing my subscription year after year.
In those parts, winter lasts a long time, and this one’s been pretty snowy, too. Which sets the scene for the first article which reported that Ronda Cordell “was a little worried about the ice and snow on her roof, so she chopped the six inches of ice from her eaves, but it was so icy that there was not much she could do about the snow.”
The second story was about Tawni Cordell. (I believe her husband is Ronda’s grand-nephew.) She and her husband went mountain lion hunting a few weeks ago. “When the dogs treed the cat along the face of a cliff, Tawni and Ryan climbed up to have an open shot and brought him down…He weighed 175 pounds.” The reporter concludes with these words. “These women are tough around here, because Tawni is expecting a baby, too.”
Like I said, those two stories put me in my place. Ronda’s the kind of woman who has no qualms about chopping ice from the eaves of her house on a ranch in the boondocks, even though she lives alone. Tawni’s the kind of woman who tracks and kills mountain lions while preparing to give birth. (I’m exaggerating a bit. She’s due in June.) I’m the kind of woman who wears yak tracks on a walk through town and takes her cell phone along just in case, and who refuses to wear spiky, strappy shoes on Valentine’s Day because she’s afraid of heights.
Stories like these keep me subscribing to The Nation’s Center News year after year. They remind me of the tough women who live in and around Harding County –
Of their kindness.
Of their determination.
Of their strength.
Of their resourcefulness.
They remind me that someday,
I want to be like them.
by jphilo | Feb 22, 2010 | Family
My husband says the package of Fig Newtons I gave him for Valentine’s Day was the best gift ever. Lest you think Fig Newtons sound like a loveless, cheapskate gift, remember we have a daughter in college and two weddings in three months this year. And don’t think I had ulterior motives in purchasing them, like eating a few myself. I consider the chewy, figgy, gritty things a waste of good calories.
If you still think I’m putting both words and Fig Newtons in Hiram’s mouth, let me assure you I am not. He loves them as much as Hobbits love mushrooms, so I check their price at the grocery store every week and stock up when they’re on sale, which hasn’t been very often lately. They weren’t marked down on grocery day wek before last either, but it occurred to me that they didn’t cost much more than a Valentine’s card. I closed my eyes and imagined Hiram’s face when handed a card, and again when handed a package of Fig Newtons.
After thirty-two years of seeing this sweet man get a pained what-do-I-do-with-this-now look on his face whenever he’s done reading birthday, anniversary and Valentine’s cards, the cookie face won. I bought the Fig Newtons.
So you can call me cheap and unromantic if you like. But over the decades, I have felt most loved by Hiram when he does little things that thrill him not one bit, but he does them because they make me happy. This year, I followed his example and gave him, not what delights me, but what he likes instead.
Next year, once the kids are married and the daughter is almost done with school, maybe a more expensive present will fit into our budget. Hiram will get two packages of Fig Newtons instead of one. Nobody’s gonna call me a cheapskate.
