by jphilo | Feb 11, 2021 | Reflections on the Past
The Forest Service Ranger Station in Camp Crook. The brown house in the background is similar to the one where Jane and Pam meet.
Jane threw her Bible away years before she moved to Little Missouri. Her lack of faith is a major player in See Jane Run! Finding a way to show rather than tell readers why Jane threw her Bible away was a real challenge. My daughter, who is doing a final consistency read through before the manuscript goes to the publisher, says a recently added flashback rose to the challenge.
The flashback is based on something that happened during my high school years. I had forgotten about it until about 10 years ago when my uncle–the inspiration behind Uncle Tim in the novel–invited me to look through the journals he’s faithfully kept for decades. I chose the one for 1973-74, which was my senior year in high school. I scanned pages for mentions of our family. One described a phone call to my uncle after I got home from school and found Dad on the bathroom floor. My uncle came over. He cleaned Dad and dressed him in fresh clothes. My uncle’s journal account ended with these words, not written out of pity but with deep compassion: Poor man. Poor wife. Poor family.
To be clear, I didn’t lose my faith after the real event. However, I used it in a fictional flashback to show why Jane threw her Bible away and abandoned her faith. The excerpt you’re about to read is an early scene. It takes place a few days after Jane moves to Little Missouri. On a walk around town she meets Pam, who shows her around the Forest Service campus. Here goes:
After the tour ended, I declined Pam’s offer of more tea.
“Then would you join us at church tomorrow and come to Sunday dinner?”
I wanted to say no. After all, I had wasted years going to church, following every “thou shall” and “thou shall not” in the Bible. Every night at bedtime, I asked God to heal my father. I prayed the same prayer night after night. But Dad didn’t get better. He got worse. Even so, I prayed up a storm. Until the day I walked the bathroom and found him huddled on the floor by the toilet, feces smearing the floor.
He gazed at the wall and spoke in a monotone. “I fell off the toilet.”
“It’s okay, Dad. I’ll call Uncle Tim.”
His jaw clenched. “It’s not okay. A daughter shouldn’t see her father like this.”
Uncle Tim got there as fast as he could and took over. While he gave Dad a bath, I went to my bedroom, found my Bible, and threw it away.
I opened my mouth to say I didn’t go to church, but opted for Iowa nice. “I don’t want to put you out.”
“Put us out? Dan’s grilling hamburgers, and I’m making potato salad.”
My mouth watered.
What do you think of the scene? Does it showing rather than tell why Jane threw her Bible away? You can leave your feedback in the comment box!
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by jphilo | Feb 23, 2016 | Top Ten Tuesday
This year I decided to give up snacks for Lent. With my efforts failing more often than not, I’ve come up with a long list of what I wish I’d given up instead.
10. House cleaning. This one I would willingly doing for Lent and beyond.
9. Being an unpublished fiction writer. I’m working diligently on this one. But parts of accomplishing it are beyond my control.
8. A sentimental attachment to stuff. My closets would be much happier if this had been my choice. Plus, it would make #10 more feasible.
7. An illogical desire for a swimming pool. It’s a luxury I can do without and an unwanted, extra task since the Man of Steel’s take on it is, “Go ahead and do it…as long as you’re the one who cleans it.”
6. Messy closets and dresser drawers. See #8.
5. Impatience. Except I want to give this one up immediately, as in right now, rather than spend 40 days grinding away at it.
4. Self-righteousness. Mom used to call it a tendency to pat myself on my back. But there’s more to it than that. Like a tendency to elevate myself at the expense of others. A tendency I wish was easier to shake.
3. Guilt. The unfounded, irrational kind that sucks away energy that could be better spent on lifting others up rather than mentally beating yourself down.
2. Worry. The ever-present companion of all parents. Even after their kids are grown, gone, and on their own. The slightest sniff of distress in their lives and the worry meister rears its ugly head.
1. A divided heart. Each time we or friends and loved ones leave, whether from town to town or from this world to the next, my heart breaks. A piece of it is left behind where we once lived or travels on with those leaving me behind. Forty days of Lent spent contemplating what Jesus gave up for the world are not enough to repair the brokenness, nor should they be. Instead these 40 days call me to contemplate the glory yet to come. The eternal day when all who hope in Christ will be reunited and every divided heart will be made whole.
What do you wish you’d given up for Lent? Leave a comment.
by jphilo | Apr 17, 2015 | Family
This post from 5 years ago caught my eye while searching the Gravel Road’s archives. Why? Because this April our family is celebrating the birth of a grandchild, I’m attending a conference in Virginia right now, and I’m looking forward to a book release on April 27. Events as momentous as the events of April 2010 which included…well, you’ll find out as you read this week’s Fantastic Friday post.
Yeah, that’s me in the back row with the oh-no-what-have-I-gotten-myself-into expression. The other two are my brother and a cousin. There’s another cousin kneeling in front, but I can’t get her to show up. (Sorry Nell!)
When the good people at Discovery House Publishers emailed on April 13 to say they accepted my proposal for Different Dream Parenting: Raising a Child with Special Needs, my response was similar to the one in the picture. It was the day after we returned from our son’s wedding so my energy level and brain functions were nil at the time.
Needless to say, it took awhile for the news to sink in. Once the old brain cells revived, my first response should have been of the whoop-and-holler-of-joy variety. But no. It was more of the what-have-I-gotten-myself-into and why-did-I-think-I-could-write-a-book-on-this-subject variety.
After a few calming breaths and some positive self-talk, the panic subsided, at least until I printed off the chapter summary that was part of the original proposal. After reading the plan written last December, panic returned, along with self-doubt. I felt as poorly trained and utterly inadequate for the task at hand as I had each August of my twenty-five year teaching career.
But over the next several days, God calmed me down, patted my head, and held my hand. Every Bible passage I read was about how God prepares his people for his work. Every book I opened contained valuable resources. Visions of experts and parents I’ve met in the past few years – many since Different Dream was released – came to mind.
“Write them down,” a voice whispered inside my head. “Make a plan.”
I started a list of people, books, websites, and organizations. In minutes, the list was two pages long. Their expertise matched many of the subjects to be addressed in my book, though a few holes remained. In the next few days, previously unknown experts appeared on my radar screen. The timing was uncanny.
The voice in my head was clear and insistent. “You’re not in this alone. I’ve spent my life preparing you to do this. You take the logical next step and leave the rest to me.”
Living by faith. Writing by faith. That’s what I’ve gotten myself into.
Let the adventure begin.
by jphilo | Feb 27, 2015 | Daily Life
Friday on this Gravel Road means it’s time to dig through the archives for a past post worth another read. This one hails from February of 2013. Reading it was a bit discouraging, as it showed my impatience hasn’t increased much in the past 2 years. Anyone else suffer from this affliction? Leave a comment R-I-G-H-T N-O-W so we can start a support group pronto!
This past Wednesday was not a good day.
First, I was supposed to meet a friend for coffee in the morning and because I’d written the time down wrong, got there a half hour late. Being an impatient person, I hate to keep others waiting.
But that wasn’t the worst of it.
After working on a blog post for over almost two hours, it refused to come together the way I wanted. Impatient people like me don’t have time to waste spend almost two hours on a single blog post.
But that wasn’t the worst of it.
The google chat audio feature was malfunctioning on my computer, so I missed an online meeting in the afternoon. Impatient people have no patience with technical glitches.
But that wasn’t the worst of it.
A publisher rejected a piece I wrote for a devo Bible being compiled by a friend. Not only that, the publisher wanted extensive citations (including book page numbers) for a half-dozen quotes for other pieces I’d written. Impatient people don’t enjoy skimming long books to find page numbers.
But that wasn’t the worst of it.
Hiram spent all afternoon trying to file our income tax with Turbo Tax. He’s usually pretty patient, but after several hours of online chats with Turbo Tax experts and two phone calls, he was a little cranky. Impatient people like me think we’re the only ones with a right to be cranky.
But that wasn’t the worst of it.
The cold Hiram’s been fighting for two weeks came back with a vengeance that night. He ran a temperature again and coughed all night. Which didn’t sit well with a woman who needs plenty of sleep in order to be patient.
But that wasn’t the worst of it.
The worst of it was this. I woke up Thursday morning and realized impatient people like me spend all their time looking at gray skies. We are so focused on the gloom, we don’t even see the gap in the clouds and the sun streaming through.
Impatient people like me forget they have
friends to visit,
blogs to write,
a computer that functions flawlessly 99.9% of the time,
writing projects to complete,
income tax refunds to file,
and a husband whose job provides sick leave and excellent health insurance.
Yes, that’s the worst of it.
Dear Father, forgive me for not slowing down to look for the gap in the clouds. Forgive me for focusing on the gloomy clouds and missing the joy of the Son. Please teach me to be patient…as quickly as possible. Amen.
by jphilo | Sep 15, 2014 | Reviews
This month marks the first anniversary of the publication of Sun Shine Down, Gillian Marchenko’s transparent memoir. In it, she tells about coming to terms with her third daughter’s diagnosis of Down syndrome, and her slow and reluctant falling in love with her baby girl. Today’s guest post celebrates Gillian’s daughter, the anniversary of Sun Shine Down, and the faithful presence of God in our troubles. At the bottom of the page, you’ll get the scoop on how to enter the give away for a copy of Gillian’s memoir.
Do Not Be Afraid
The phrase “Do not be afraid” is written in the Bible 365 times. That’s a daily reminder that God is in control! Whatever you a dealing with today, give it to Him and watch how God takes care of you.
A friend of mine posts this status on Facebook and it immediately gives me pause.
Although I’ve been to Bible college, I wasn’t aware that “do not be afraid’ is in the Bible 365 times. Wow. One for every day of the year. Amazing. My feet start to tingle and my face grows hot. I reread the sentences in awe.
“Thank you, God, for this,” I whisper.
Too often, as a parent of two girls with significant special needs (Polly has Down syndrome and a stroke and seizure disorder called Moyamoya. Evangeline has Down syndrome, too, and was diagnosed with autism just this last year), I let fear rule.
Truth be known, I’ve lived mostly afraid for the last eight years, ever since my ears first heard the words ‘Down syndrome.’ Since then there have been strokes, missed developmental milestones, seizures, brain surgeries, social regression, tonsils removed, vertebrae problems, biting, scratching, tears, and too many other situations and incidents to name. I learned quickly how to walk around with one foot elevated.
I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
‘Do not be afraid’ sends a wave of warmth through me. I decide right away to give it my own interpretation. I want to claim it as a promise from God. ‘Do not be afraid’ becomes ‘relax, nothing else is going to happen.’ ‘Do not be afraid’ means ‘enough bad and scary and difficult. Don’t worry about another shoe dropping.’ ‘Do not be afraid’, I imagine God saying, ‘I got this, and everything is going to be okay.’
Oh, how I love my interpretation. Oh, how I want ‘do not be afraid’ to mean those things.
But as follower of Christ, as someone who tries to read and understand scripture, as a person who wants to commune with God, I know better.
‘Do not be afraid’ isn’t in the Bible 365 times so a person will trust that nothing bad is going to happen to her family. Because this is life. We live in a fallen, broken world and bad stuff happens all the time.
365 days a year.
Some beloved verses in the Bible come to mind:
After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision: “Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward.” –Genesis 15:1
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. –Deuteronomy 31:6
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. –Isaiah 41:10
These verse don’t claim nothing bad or difficult will happen. In fact, all kinds of bad things happened in Genesis, Deuteronomy, and Isaiah.
Instead, these verses tell us not to be afraid because no matter what comes, God is on our side. “I am your shield, your very great reward.” “For the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” “I will strengthen you and help you;”
Now, this is the correct interpretation.
As a mom to kids with special needs, more shoes will drop. It is just life.
But I am encouraged. I am not alone. God is with me. God is with my family. And because I get to be in his presence through the blood of his son Jesus, I don’t have to be afraid.
When bad things come, I don’t have to be afraid.
“Thank you, God, for this,” I whisper.
“Do not be afraid,” he answers.
Sun Shine Down Book Give Away
Do Gillian’s words make you want to read her book? Then you are invited to enter the give way in which one reader will win the copy of Sun Shine Down Gillian is providing. Just leave a comment in the box below by midnight on Saturday, September 20, 2014 to be entered in the drawing. That’s all there is to it!
