Tomorrow I’m getting on an airplane for Norfolk, VIrginia. That means most of today will be spent packing so that my bags meet the TSD requirements, which is just one of the 10 ways air travel drives me crazy these days.

10. Trying to cram into one zippered, clear plastic bag all the liquids and gels needed to keep a nearly 60-year-old woman is a huge undertaking. I need a 2 gallon bag, at the very least.

9. Just what constitutes gels and liquids anyway? Not chapstick, lipstick, or solid underarm deodorant, I hope. But what about lip gloss? Cold sore balm? And the pasty goo that makes my hair look less like a limp dishrag? These decisions are killing me.

8. Baggage fees. Both ways. Please Southwest, expand your flights out of Des Moines, and I promise to fly exclusively with you!

7. Delays and airport employees kept purposefully in the dark by their higher ups so no one can be easily accessed and held accountable for messing with peoples’ lives willy nilly.

6. Escalators. Mom said I wouldn’t be afraid of them once I grew up. She lied.

5. Unpacking the computer and the 2 gallon zippered clear plastic bag, placing them in a plastic bin, and hoping I didn’t forget to unpack something else that will be confiscated or mark me for a pat down.

4. The security gate strip down. Off comes the belt, the shoes, the jacket, the travel pouch. Be forewarned TSA folks, I draw the line at removing internal organs!

3. Once through the security gate, all food options are a minefield for my dairy allergy. I can do nothing to expand those menu options since my milk and butter substitutes couldn’t be packed in my carry on luggage because they exceed the 3 ounce maximum.

2. Powering down all electronic devices as the plane powers up. Not that I’m adverse to clear radio signals, mind you. But I always forget to turn something off, and my guess is everybody else forgets something, too. So we’re already toast if all our electronic devices really to mess with the radio signals.

1. Airplane potties. ‘Nuf said on that one.

What about air travel drives you crazy? Leave a comment