In the mid-1960s, my mom enlisted Debbie Drake, the female counterpart to Jack Lalanne, to make me fit and trim. I was on the chubby side back then, sedentary and clumsy. More inclined to grab a glass of milk and a handful of cookies before curling up with a Little House book than going for a bike ride in the fresh air.

Mom must have been really concerned about her couch potato middle child. Why else did this woman, who never bought anything without much deliberation and angst, purchase a non-necessary item at full price? Especially something as frivolous as a record album.

For those of you too young to know, record albums look like this.

And the records spun on machines like these to make the music play.

But she bought Feel Good! Look Great! Exercise Along with Debbie Drake, brought it home, and sat down to plan my daily exercise regiment. At first I was pretty gun-ho. Debbie Drake’s leotard with it’s crisp, white collar was a little dated. But it was pink. And secretly, I loved pink. And the title’s liberal use of  exclamation points matched the exclamatory level of pre-teen girls everywhere!

Even though our English teachers said to use them sparingly or not at all!
Debbie Drake’s title was proof that the times, they were a-changing!
Unfortunately, the title was a lie!
The exercise routine Mom created, ala Debbie Drake, did not feel good!
Nor did it make me look great!
It just made me sore!
And the music!
Well, let’s just say the tunes Noel Regney and his sappy orchestra played to accompany the stretches and knee bends, and contortions were embarrassingly out of date!
At least for preteen girls in love with pink leotards and exclamation points!

I think I made it through all the exercises once. Then I buried the album at the bottom of a dresser drawer and forgot about Debbie Drake. Until a month or two ago when my knee started hurting and I went for physical therapy.

The therapist was named Katie, not Debbie.
She wore street clothes, not a pink leotard with a crisp, white collar.
No orchestra played sappy background music.
Exclamation points were not lurking in corners or lying on treadmills.

Still, I suspect Katie is a Debbie-Drake-and-my-mother throwback. Why? Because she planned an exercise regime to strengthen my glutes to correct my stride so my knee will feel better. But so far, all it’s done is make me ache in places I didn’t know had muscles. It has not made me feel great or look good.

So much for making me feel great Debbie, Mom, and Katie!
You should be glad I gave up on looking good ages ago!
Though if I had a pink leotard with a crisp, white collar, you could talk me into trying again!