by jphilo | Jan 10, 2014 | Daily Life
Can you believe it? While our nation catches its collective breath after the Great Polar Vortex of 2014, an even scarier event is taking shape in the country’s midsection.
Get ready for the Great Purgeal Vortex of 2014.
The epicenter is located in an unassuming farmhouse on the edge of a small Iowa town. The vortex began gaining strength last fall when the unassuming residents of the unassuming farmhouse helped rellies pack up their households and move to new digs. Those moving experiences made the farmhouse residents think about their intent to pack their own household in a few years, when they hope to move closer to their kids. And they realized, that after 25 years in the same house, they have too much stuff.
Hence the Great Purgeal Vortex of 2014.
It begins this weekend, so consider this your warning to take cover. For the next two months, do not, repeat, do not hide in the closets, cupboards, attic, or basement of the unassuming farmhouse as they will be purged with great vigor and ruthless determination. Do not take cover in the back of the pick up truck parked in the farmhouse garage or at the Goodwill and Salvation Army drop off locations in this small Iowa town as they will serve as purge depositories.
Above all, do not try to stop the woman who instigator the Great Purgeal Vortex of 2014.
She is deadly serious and believed to be armed with old cookware and hangs around with craft projects gone bad. She was last seen wearing an old sweatshirt and dusty blue jeans, and she had a pair of ice skates that looked like they’d been stored in an attic for decades hanging over her shoulder. She was carrying several bulging bags and boxes, and had a Goodwill Donor’s Valuation Guide clutched in one sweaty hand.
Again, do not try stop this woman.
Just stay home, safely out of her way until the Great Purgeal Vortex of 2014 is over at the end of February. Or better yet, start a purgeal vortex at your own house. It’s ugly while it lasts, but once it’s over the people who will one volunteer to help you move after you’ve lived in the same house for 25 years will thank you.
Don’t ask me how I know this.
by jphilo | Jan 6, 2014 | Daily Life
Contrary to what a literal interpretation of the above title implies, the no-longer-afraid-of-heights-and-horses genie did not work any magic at our house over the holidays. Neither the man of steel or the woman of aluminum will be riding horses in the near future. Or until hell freezes over. Which could be today with a predicted high of -7.
But I digress.
The back in the saddle reference is purely metaphorical–as is the hell freezing over phrase–so maybe the previous paragraph wasn’t a digression, though this one is in danger of becoming one.
Back to the topic at hand.
After an autumn filled with writing-related travel and pitching in to help rellies move, along with two December weekends devoted to Christmas travel and house guests at our house this past weekend, the hubbub is officially over.
I am back in the saddle again.
Back in the saddle that is preparing DifferentDream.com blog posts on Mondays, visiting Mom on Tuesdays, delving into writing and speaking projects Wednesdays through Fridays, and working around the house on the weekends. Back in the saddle without interruption for all of January and February.
A very boring saddle.
And a totally welcome one. Because it offers the long stretches of time needed to disappear into the story land of the mystery novel waiting to be completed. A story land replete with real horses and real saddles, which are fun to image riding because there’s no danger of falling off and getting hurt.
Now that’s my kind of adventure.
Which is why I’m glad to be back in the saddle again. A metaphorical place were I plan to stay for most of January and February. Yippie yi yo kayah!
by jphilo | Dec 27, 2013 | Daily Life
Bruce Willis might be surprised to learn what this woman wants. If he took a peek at her Christmas list, he’d discover it was pretty short.
Because this woman doesn’t want more stuff.
Not after cleaning out her mother-in-law’s house in 2003 and her own mother’s house in 2008. She’s still trying to find places for some of their old stuff to live and convincing herself to learn how ebay works to get rid of the rest of it.
Really, this woman wants what most mothers want.
For her children to be happy. To find purpose for their lives and joy in completing it. She wants them to be healthy, to have secure jobs, and discover the sweetness and sadness of raising their own families.
This woman wants what most authors want.
To write books that impact readers and help them make sense of their lives. Along with sales enough to pay the expenses so she can write more books to impact readers and help them make sense of their lives.
And this woman wants to encourage others to know Jesus.
Not because she’s got all the answers and feels superior. But because she makes plenty of mistakes and her Savior loves her anyway. She wants everyone to experience that same kind of love and security.
But today, most of all, this woman wants to bake a pie that doesn’t boil over.
Even though her mother says the best pies always run over, this woman would like to take one of her crowd pleasing pies to a family gathering. Without fruit glaze dripping over the edges. Without the pan bottom sticky with fruity goo. But this woman won’t get what she wants until she gets over 1) her tendency to overfill the pie pan with fruit filling, and 2) her paranoia that a pie can’t possibly be cooked through until the middle is bubbling merrily, which means the edges are frantically boiling and spewing over the edge of the pan. This woman wants the impossible.
Bruce Willis has his work cut out for him.
by jphilo | Dec 20, 2013 | Daily Life
Today’s the day to share weekend-before-Christmas to do lists. Why? To reassure one another that we’re not the only ones with shopping to do, presents to wrap, and more baking projects than are humanly possible. Therefore, I’m posting my to do list for the world to see and hoping you’ll share yours, too.
Saturday:
✓ Get Christmas letters ready to mail.
✓ Make a birthday cake for a rellie’s party.
✓ Make biscotti for friends, neighbors, church family, and publishers.
✓ Make snacks for the Saturday night church service.
✓ Deliver and mail biscotti.
✓ Figure out how to wrap the man of steel’s Christmas present which is bigger than me.
Sunday:
✓ Go to church and think about the true meaning of Christmas.
✓ Shop for the man of steel’s stocking stuffers…Hello, Kitty duct tape, here I come!
✓ Finish up Mom’s Christmas shopping and gift wrapping.
✓ Attend rellie’s birthday supper and party.
Tag…now you’re it. Leave your weekend-before-Christmas to do list in the comment box!
Photo Credit: www.freedigitalphotos.net
by jphilo | Oct 28, 2013 | Daily Life
On Saturday, I was asked to prepare meals for small crowds over the next couple weekends. Fifteen minutes after saying yes, I had already assembled:
- current sale flyers for our local grocery stores
- menus consisting of enough food for a cast of thousands for two weeks
- shopping lists
- a time table for cooking and freezing everything ahead of time
That’s when I began wondering if I’d missed my true calling. Instead of majoring in elementary education and taking every English and theater class available during college, I should have considered a career in one of the following:
- food service
- event planning
- drill sergeant
- army cook
- making lists with bullet points
Upon further reflection, my unintentional second career may have been field testing other career options because:
- My first high school job consisted of 3 months at the Hy-Vee deli in my home town, followed by 5 years as a dishwasher and cook at a nursing home.
- My kids would tell you the 1 birthday/slumber party they were each allowed during their childhoods were top caliber events, even though the title “event planner” came into vogue after they were a bit older.
- They would also gladly give testimony concerning their mother, the drill sergeant.
- Dozens of M.A.S.H. episodes later, the army cook option no longer looks attractive unless it includes a few of Klinger’s outfits, complete with hats and gloves.
- Mission accomplished.
Maybe I didn’t miss my true calling.
Maybe it came calling and found me.
by jphilo | Oct 25, 2013 | Daily Life
A sneaky, snarky fall funk is doing its best to worm its way into my heart.
Maybe the cause is the conclusion of two fun trips in the past couple of months. No more looking forward to a visit with a high school bestie to see covered bridges near Grand Rapids, Michigan. No more presenting workshops at writers’ conferences where beginning writers think the information being passed on to them is the greatest thing since sliced bread. No more looking forward to visiting old friends out west where the deer and the antelope roam.
This week life is back to usual with clothes to wash, meals to cook, a house to clean, and writing to be done. I want to blame the funk on those mundane household tasks and the fear of the blank screen. When those excuses don’t work, I want to blame the time of year.
You know what I mean?
Less daylight.
Cold nights.
Funk bait for sure.
But in all honesty, those things aren’t the cause of this fall funk. I am the cause. Or to be more specific, a lack of contentment with life is the real cause.
People aren’t flocking to my blogs these days.
They aren’t flocking to by my books.
They aren’t flocking to like my Facebook author page.
Or Twitter.
Or Pinterest.
Or Google +.
In truth, box elder bugs are the only thing flocking anywhere near me. So many of them are flocking to the south side of our house that I sprayed the foundation with insecticide, and now the whole house stinks.
But I digress.
The fall funk, however, does not.
It’s perched on my shoulder.
Waiting for this crack of discontentment to break wide open.
So it can suck out my joy.
It could happen. It will happen, unless my eyes quit looking for the gifts and start seeking their Giver. Unless I consider the presence of the Giver of greater value than the presents He gives. Unless I trust His timing above my own and His wise provision over my foolish desires.
O Lord, grant me contentment in you today. Amen.
