The past two weeks have been tough at our house. The resident man of steel is laid up with back pain that’s tolerable when lying, sitting, or crawling, but excruciating when he takes more than a few steps. An MRI on Thursday revealed a ruptured disk with possible debris floating around. (That’s this layperson’s version of the medical jargon.) Today we meet with a neurosurgeon at 11:15 to discuss treatment options.
The first week, Hiram went through denial, depression, and anger. The second week, he adjusted to using a wheelchair around the house and adapted his activity to minimize the pain. He did research on the internet, created a list of questions to ask the doctor, and is eager to hear good and/or bad news about treatment.
During Hiram’s week of denial, depression, and anger I counted our blessings, stayed strong, rearranged my work to take him to medical appointments, and stayed on schedule with my writing. During the second week, Camp Dorothy, taking care of Hiram, and meeting writing goals kept me too busy to think.
But on Sunday, when the schedule relaxed, my natural impatience and overactive imagination reared their ugly heads during my morning walk. The hours until Monday’s appointment were ticking by with excruciating slowness. My mind wandered to the worst case spinal surgery scenarios, which led to denial, depression, and anger at at Hiram for pushing himself when he ran this spring.
Most of all, I was angry at myself for being angry at Hiram who’s enduring terrible back pain. And angry because my feelings aren’t much different than they were 30 years ago when our baby was in NICU from May 24 – June 8, 1982. How can I have grown so little in 30 years? Why is my faith still so weak? How can God love someone like me? Then I thought of a verse in yesterday’s prayer guide.
If we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot deny himself. (2 Timothy 2:13)
The verse helped me focus on who God is instead of what I cannot be. The situation didn’t change. The worst case scenario still loomed. But a little peace entered my heart. I hope it’s enough to last until our appointment later this morning. But if I falter, there’s more peace where the first batch came from.
Would you pray that I can find it?
I will pray for you. You may be in for a significant recovery. My husband had something similar a number of years ago and was in a body cast for several months which seemed like forever. Have you asked about a nerve block until he can have surgery? That sometimes works wonders tho’ does nothing for the root problem.
Hiram’s surgery will be a one hour microsurgery with an overnight stay. Amazing to us. Hiram keeps comfortable as long he avoids walking, and he hate pain meds, so no pain block. Surgery is June 12, and the doc says he’s not at risk. Thanks for your prayers, Ann.
I had the same disk rupture twice, one year apart, and had surgery to repair it both times. I never regreted choosing to have surgery. The relief from pain was immediate, and the recovery time wasn’t too bad. Interesting story about the first time it happened. We were living in St. Louis, my husband was in China on business, and I was home alone with a 16-month-old baby. It was quite an experience. I pray for Hiram’s successful surgery and quick recovery.
Thank you for your encouraging words, Cindy, and for your prayers. We are looking forward to being on the back side of the June 12 surgery – no pun intended!
Jolene