Ever since the economy tanked in 2008, I’ve been on a personal crusade to improve  the job market. One obstacle remains before my lofty goal can be implemented. What’s the obstacle? I need to become independently wealthy so I can afford to provide employment for the 10 job seekers:

10.  Driver: This position will be the last one filled as I like to drive, at least in Iowa where the traffic isn’t bad. It wouldn’t be on the list at all, except for Driving Miss Daisy being one of my favorite movies.

9.   Personal Editor: This job goes to a single-minded grammarian/word count Nazi. The employee who gets this job will apply spit and polish to book manuscripts, emails, blog posts, social networking status updates, and old-fashioned cards and thank you notes.

8.   Stuff Sorter: A position perfect for a slightly obsessive compulsive adult ready to apply the “when in doubt, throw it out” standard to the stuff in my closets and the remaining stuff inherited when my mom and Hiram’s mom gave up housekeeping.

7.   Personal Shopper: Only those who loves to shop for groceries, household items, and clothes should apply for this post. The nature of the job requires someone of my weight, height, build, shoe size, and tightwad tendencies as yours truly. Send an email with your measurements, and I’ll get back to you if you’re in the running.

6.  Pool Guy: This job shouldn’t even be on the list since we don’t have a pool. But on hot, muggy summer days, what could be better than relaxing by the pool? As long as a pool guy like Burt on Raising Hope is around to keep things ship shape and hilarious.

5.   Cleaning Person: Our cleaning woman had to quit a few months back. She is dearly missed.

4.    Gardener: Whoever gets this post will be in charge of weeding the flowerbeds, tending the rhubarb patch, and killing off any spray stalks of asparagus that invade the yard. This worker will not be allowed to use the top ten reasons to not weed a flower bed or add items in the comment section of that post.

3.   Personal Travel Assistant: This position goes to someone to score the cheapest price possible when making travel arrangements, is able to keep those arrangements in order for someone who gets a little dingy when traveling, willingly carries bags for the boss, and will volunteer for the full body scan in place of the boss at airport security.

2.   Full Time Computer Genius: In this case, genius is a relative term. Someone who can take over the computer stuff that drives me crazy–which is pretty much all of it–and doesn’t snicker about the boss’s ineptitude is an ideal candidate for the job.

1.   Personal Barista: The barista will be required to brew the perfect cup of coffee every time, on demand. Those who have not perfected their craft by working at Burgies, the best coffee shop in the world, need not apply.

If you would like to join my effort to improve the job market, your monetary donations to help me become independently wealthy would be appreciated. You can also assist the cause by leaving descriptions of jobs open at your house in the comment box.