Let me be perfectly clear about today’s picture, which is not a picture of last night’s snowfall. It is a picture of my asparagus patch. If you can’t locate the patch, look at the spruce tree on the left. Move your eyes to the low-hanging branch to the right of that tree. Are you there? Good. Now walk past the branch about three feet and dig through the snow (which I am not going to mention because I promised not to complain about winter any more) until you hit frozen ground. That’s my asparagus patch.
I’m in the horns of an asparagus dilemma today. You see, I write the Food Bites column for Facets an area women’s magazine. This year, each column features ingredients produced locally. Because of printer deadlines, I am now working on the April recipe, which includes asparagus. And that’s the dilemma. I can not cook and photograph fresh, local asparagus in February. Though I am a basically honest person, to meet the deadline I am forced to perpetrate a hoax upon the readers of the magazine. I have to use asparagus that comes from distant lands that don’t have long Iowa winters like the ones I don’t complain about.
But wait, there’s more. The truth of the matter is that I hate asparagus. Hate really isn’t a strong enough word but it’s impolite, even on my own blog, to say that the smell of the stuff is enough to make me hurl. So I won’t mention that, just like I’m not mentioning the fact that we have too much snow and winter has gone on far too long, in my opinion. Anyway, hating asparagus makes it hard to rave about its delicious flavor. In fact, it makes me lie.
So there you have it. What seems like a perfectly innocent recipe column has turned me into a culinary hoaxer and a liar. In one fell swoop, I’ve gone from green vegetables to yellow journalism.
I’ve fallen pretty low, and in an attempt to regain a shred of dignity I’ve decided to make this solemn vow. Though I may occasionally lie about vegetables, I will not complain about winter. No matter how cold it gets, no matter how much more snow falls, no matter how long it takes for spring to come, this blog will never become a forum for my personal anti-winter rants.
I promise.
