I Miss Your Dad
In her prime, Mom was a sparkling conversationalist, She easily handled a variety of topics with great knowledge and wit. Her favorites were teaching, gardening, quilting, cooking and baking, reading, history, neighborhood gossip, genealogy, and family.
These days, her unprompted contributions to our Wednesday conversations consist of complaining about her runny nose and asking for tissues, gossip concerning fellow residents, reminders that she needs new library books, smack talk while we play Rummikub, reports of cards and letters received from family members, and stories about either her childhood or mine.
Every week, I try to draw her out a little while we waited for our meals to arrive at Applebee’s. “Did you fly kites when you were a kid?” I asked last Wednesday, which was a very blustery day.
“No,” she said. That was all.
I soldiered on. “Did you ice skate?”
She nodded. “Once. I fell on my butt/”
I persisted. “Did you roller skate?”
“Yes.” She brightened. “I liked to roller skate.”
“DId you skate outside or at a roller rink?”
“At a roller rink. In Pipestone.”
“Your family didn’t have much money. How did you pay for it?” I asked.
She shrugged. “My brother Wayne took us, I think. He was always kind. And my brother Ralph was a good skater. He could even skate backwards as well as I could skate going forward.”
Our food came then, and we stopped talking. But maybe it set her to thinking, because on the drive home, she brought up a new topic of conversation.
“What year did your dad die?”
“1997,” I replied. “19 years ago.”
“That’s a long time,” she said.
“Yes, it is,” I agreed. “Do you miss him?”
“A lot.” She nodded.
“Me, too,” I said.
“But missing a husband,” she went on, “is different than missing your dad.”
“I’m sure it is,” I said. “And in a way, you lost your husband twice. Once to multiple sclerosis and again when he died.”
“You’re right, Jolene,” she said before going quiet again.
It was the most substantial, thoughtful, and sweet conversation we’ve had in months. I looked at her and smiled. She smiled back.
