{"id":26553,"date":"2017-07-26T00:05:39","date_gmt":"2017-07-26T05:05:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/differentdream.com\/?p=26553"},"modified":"2017-07-26T00:05:39","modified_gmt":"2017-07-26T05:05:39","slug":"special-needs-moms-say-no","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jolenephilo.com\/staging\/special-needs-moms-say-no\/","title":{"rendered":"Special Needs Mom, You Can Say No"},"content":{"rendered":"\n[et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; fullwidth=&#8221;on&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.2&#8243;][et_pb_fullwidth_post_title featured_image=&#8221;off&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.2&#8243; title_font=&#8221;||||||||&#8221; title_text_color=&#8221;#42313A&#8221; title_font_size=&#8221;40px&#8221; meta_font_size=&#8221;14px&#8221; background_color=&#8221;#B4DBC0&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;50px||50px||false|false&#8221;][\/et_pb_fullwidth_post_title][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; specialty=&#8221;on&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.2&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;0px||0px|||&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;3_4&#8243; specialty_columns=&#8221;3&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;3.25&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;|||&#8221; custom_padding__hover=&#8221;|||&#8221;][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.2&#8243;][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=&#8221;3_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.2&#8243;][et_pb_image src=&#8221;@ET-DC@eyJkeW5hbWljIjp0cnVlLCJjb250ZW50IjoicG9zdF9mZWF0dXJlZF9pbWFnZSIsInNldHRpbmdzIjp7fX0=@&#8221; align=&#8221;center&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.3&#8243; _dynamic_attributes=&#8221;src&#8221;][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.9.4&#8243;]<p><em>Special Needs Mom, you can say no. That&#8217;s a lesson guest blogger Sheri Dacon learned learned the hard way after her son was diagnosed with autism almost a decade ago. Today, she&#8217;s sharing so you don&#8217;t have to learn it the hard way.<\/em><\/p>\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Special Needs Moms, You Can Say No<\/h4>\n<p>When my son was diagnosed with autism nine years ago, I determined to do everything in my power to fight it. I wanted knowledge, information, and insight so I could help him succeed, no matter the cost.<\/p>\n<p>The school district put me in touch with a local advocate, a woman who also had an autistic son.<\/p>\n<p>I called her one night, hopes set high.<\/p>\n<p>An hour later I was on the verge of a panic attack.<\/p>\n<p>There was simply too much information. She gave me opinions and ideas, multiple anecdotes of what had and hadn\u2019t worked for her son. She rattled on about diet and supplements, chelation and heavy metals, vaccines and conspiracy theories.<\/p>\n<p>When she started in on the dangers of plastic, I almost stopped breathing.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cClearly I\u2019m was doing everything wrong,\u201d I thought \u2013 from feeding my child red food coloring, to allowing him to eat bread, to serving it up on a plastic plate.<\/p>\n<p>The woman was well meaning. I have no doubt she intended to help.<\/p>\n<p>But her words frightened and paralyzed me.<\/p>\n<h5><strong>For those beginning the special needs journey<\/strong><\/h5>\n<p>I\u2019m much further along on the journey now, and I have indeed made some changes. But I had to start by eating that elephant one bite at a time, not all at once!<\/p>\n<p>So this post is for those of you in the early stages.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Maybe you\u2019ve just received a diagnosis.<\/li>\n<li>Maybe you\u2019re a couple of years in and completely stressed out.<\/li>\n<li>Maybe you\u2019re like I was \u2013 determined to \u201cdo it all\u201d because your child deserves every opportunity.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I\u2019ve been down that road and I want to offer this suggestion: <strong>Special needs mom, you can say no<\/strong><strong>.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>When I was a younger woman, I felt I needed to be a good mother, a good citizen, a good Christian, a good wife, a good cook, a good housekeeper, and so on.\u00a0<strong>I said yes to everything.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I volunteered at my kids\u2019 schools. I sang in the church choir and on the praise team. I worked Vacation Bible School. I taught Kindermusik classes. I cleaned my home on a schedule. I cooked \u201cfrom-scratch\u201d meals every night. I clipped coupons and shopped frugally. I planted my own garden and flower beds with vegetables, herbs, annuals and perennials. I scrapbooked every precious moment of my children\u2019s lives. I kept myself thin and in shape.<\/p>\n<p>I did it all.<\/p>\n<p>Then I discovered my child had autism and I planned to use similar strategies in my attempt to fight it.<\/p>\n<p>Can you see where this is going?<\/p>\n<h5><strong>It&#8217;s Okay to Say No<\/strong><\/h5>\n<p>At age 40, I crashed and burned. My body and my soul simply refused to go on. I knew I could no longer live this way and I began to say no out of absolute necessity.<\/p>\n<p>Please hear this, parents.\u00a0<strong>Don\u2019t do what I did. Don\u2019t let it go on that long.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m giving you permission today to let go and say no.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>It\u2019s okay to say no to that gluten-free, casein-free diet right now.<\/li>\n<li>It\u2019s okay to say no to that new therapy your friend raves about.<\/li>\n<li>It\u2019s okay to say no to reading another book about autism and just read a novel instead.<\/li>\n<li>It\u2019s okay to stay home from church this Sunday because you\u2019re exhausted.<\/li>\n<li>It\u2019s okay to step down from your volunteer position and focus on your own needs.<\/li>\n<li>It\u2019s okay to turn down a playdate that stresses you out.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>You can\u2019t do it all.<\/p>\n<p>And raising a child with special needs is hard work. It\u2019s a soapbox I climb upon frequently, but it bears repeating:\u00a0<strong>you can\u2019t take care of your child if you aren\u2019t taking care of yourself.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>And that means \u2013 more often than you might think \u2013 saying no. Even to good things.<\/p>\n<h5><strong>How to Say No<\/strong><\/h5>\n<p>Want to know what I said no to?<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>I said no to special diets.<\/strong>\u00a0I have four kids, not just one, and when my son was diagnosed, I was on a strict budget. The idea of going completely gluten and casein free overwhelmed me. So I cut out high fructose corn syrup instead. Then food colorings. And so on. Nine years later, we still aren\u2019t gluten and casein free \u2013 but that\u2019s okay for us!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>I said no to volunteering.<\/strong>\u00a0No more room mom or PTA duties, no more leading Vacation Bible School or singing in the church choir. Even though I enjoyed those things, I knew they weren\u2019t something I could do at the time.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>I said no to therapies.<\/strong>\u00a0We tried lots of things. But at one point, we had to quit therapy because the weekly drive through heavy traffic was too stressful. I knew that my child having a panic-stricken mom might negate all the good that therapy was doing.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>I said no to certain family or friend get-togethers.<\/strong>\u00a0I learned to recognize when my child got overwhelmed (or when I did), and that meant staying home and possibly disappointing people.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Please hear me:<\/strong>\u00a0I understand how you want to do everything in your power for your child. But I also know how stressful it is to live in a human body and not be able to accomplish everything you think you ought to. I know the toll that raising a special needs child takes on the family.<\/p>\n<p>So this week, take some time for you. And remember, special needs mom, you can say no.<\/p>\n<p><em>Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.<\/em><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.2&#8243;][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=&#8221;3_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.2&#8243; background_color=&#8221;#b4dbc0&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;20px|20px|20px|20px|false|false&#8221;][et_pb_blurb title=&#8221;@ET-DC@eyJkeW5hbWljIjp0cnVlLCJjb250ZW50IjoicG9zdF9hdXRob3IiLCJzZXR0aW5ncyI6eyJiZWZvcmUiOiJCeSAiLCJhZnRlciI6IiIsIm5hbWVfZm9ybWF0IjoiZGlzcGxheV9uYW1lIiwibGluayI6Im9uIiwibGlua19kZXN0aW5hdGlvbiI6ImF1dGhvcl9hcmNoaXZlIn19@&#8221; image=&#8221;@ET-DC@eyJkeW5hbWljIjp0cnVlLCJjb250ZW50IjoicG9zdF9hdXRob3JfcHJvZmlsZV9waWN0dXJlIiwic2V0dGluZ3MiOnt9fQ==@&#8221; icon_placement=&#8221;left&#8221; image_max_width=&#8221;100px&#8221; content_max_width=&#8221;800px&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.9.10&#8243; _dynamic_attributes=&#8221;image,title&#8221; header_font=&#8221;Rubik|500|||||||&#8221; header_text_color=&#8221;#44465f&#8221; header_font_size=&#8221;14px&#8221; header_line_height=&#8221;32px&#8221; body_font=&#8221;Rubik||||||||&#8221; body_text_color=&#8221;rgba(0,6,69,0.6)&#8221; body_link_text_color=&#8221;#ffffff&#8221; hover_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243; custom_css_main_element=&#8221;font-weight: 400;&#8221; border_radii_image=&#8221;on|100px|100px|100px|100px&#8221; border_color_all_image=&#8221;#ffffff&#8221; box_shadow_style_image=&#8221;preset1&#8243; box_shadow_vertical_image=&#8221;20px&#8221; box_shadow_blur_image=&#8221;40px&#8221; box_shadow_color_image=&#8221;rgba(68,70,95,0.27)&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; sticky_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243;]<p><i>You can learn more about Sheri by visiting her website at<span>\u00a0<\/span><a href=\"http:\/\/sheridacon.com\/\">sheridacon.com<\/a>.<\/i><\/p>[\/et_pb_blurb][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.2&#8243;][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=&#8221;3_4&#8243; 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use_custom_gutter=&#8221;on&#8221; gutter_width=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.9.2&#8243; width=&#8221;100%&#8221; max_width=&#8221;100%&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;||0px||false|false&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;25px|0px|5px|0px|false|false&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;1_2&#8243; module_class=&#8221;horizontal_optin_column_1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.3.4&#8243;][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.2&#8243; header_text_align=&#8221;right&#8221; header_text_color=&#8221;#45107a&#8221; header_3_font=&#8221;Dancing Script|700|||||||&#8221; header_3_text_align=&#8221;center&#8221; header_3_text_color=&#8221;#B4DBC0&#8243; header_3_font_size=&#8221;45px&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;10px||||false|false&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||||false|false&#8221;]<h3>Subscribe for Updates from Jolene<\/h3>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=&#8221;1_2&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.3.4&#8243;][et_pb_signup mailchimp_list=&#8221;JolenePhilo|89f719a52b&#8221; layout=&#8221;bottom_top&#8221; first_name_fullwidth=&#8221;off&#8221; last_name_field=&#8221;off&#8221; email_fullwidth=&#8221;off&#8221; module_class=&#8221;custom_emailoptin&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.2&#8243; form_field_focus_background_color=&#8221;#42313A&#8221; background_enable_color=&#8221;off&#8221; custom_button=&#8221;on&#8221; button_text_size=&#8221;16px&#8221; button_text_color=&#8221;#42313A&#8221; button_bg_color=&#8221;#B4DBC0&#8243; button_border_width=&#8221;2px&#8221; button_border_radius=&#8221;0px&#8221; button_font=&#8221;|||on|||||&#8221; button_use_icon=&#8221;off&#8221; button_custom_margin=&#8221;5px||||false|false&#8221; button_custom_padding=&#8221;0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false&#8221; border_width_all_fields=&#8221;2px&#8221;][\/et_pb_signup][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.2&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;0px|||||&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.2&#8243;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.2&#8243;][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.2&#8243; header_font=&#8221;EB Garamond|600|||||||&#8221; header_text_color=&#8221;#B6452C&#8221; header_font_size=&#8221;50px&#8221; header_text_shadow_style=&#8221;preset1&#8243;]<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">Related Posts<\/h1>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.2&#8243;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.2&#8243;][et_pb_blog fullwidth=&#8221;off&#8221; posts_number=&#8221;3&#8243; include_categories=&#8221;current&#8221; show_more=&#8221;on&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.2&#8243; header_text_color=&#8221;#42313A&#8221; meta_font=&#8221;||on||||||&#8221; read_more_font=&#8221;|||on|||||&#8221; read_more_text_color=&#8221;#B6452C&#8221; read_more_font_size=&#8221;12px&#8221; pagination_text_color=&#8221;#B6452C&#8221; pagination_font_size=&#8221;20px&#8221;][\/et_pb_blog][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Special needs Mom, you can say no. Sheri Dacon learned the hard way after her son was diagnosed with autism. Here are her tips about how &#038; when to say no.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":26555,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"<img class=\"alignnone wp-image-26555 size-full\" src=\"http:\/\/differentdream.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/okay-to-say-no-fb.jpg\" alt=\"Special needs Mom, you can say no. Sheri Dacon learned the hard way after her son was diagnosed with autism. Here are her tips about how &amp; when to say no.\" width=\"600\" height=\"314\" \/>\n\n<em>Special Needs Mom, you can say no. That's a lesson <a href=\"http:\/\/differentdream.com\/meet-the-guest-bloggers\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">guest blogger Sheri Dacon<\/a> learned learned the hard way after her son was diagnosed with autism almost a decade ago. Today, she's sharing so you don't have to learn it the hard way.<\/em>\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Special Needs Moms, You Can Say No<\/h4>\nWhen my son was diagnosed with autism nine years ago, I determined to do everything in my power to fight it. I wanted knowledge, information, and insight so I could help him succeed, no matter the cost.\n\nThe school district put me in touch with a local advocate, a woman who also had an autistic son.\n\nI called her one night, hopes set high.\n\nAn hour later I was on the verge of a panic attack.\n\nThere was simply too much information. She gave me opinions and ideas, multiple anecdotes of what had and hadn\u2019t worked for her son. She rattled on about diet and supplements, chelation and heavy metals, vaccines and conspiracy theories.\n\nWhen she started in on the dangers of plastic, I almost stopped breathing.\n\n\u201cClearly I\u2019m was doing everything wrong,\u201d I thought \u2013 from feeding my child red food coloring, to allowing him to eat bread, to serving it up on a plastic plate.\n\nThe woman was well meaning. I have no doubt she intended to help.\n\nBut her words frightened and paralyzed me.\n<h5><strong>For those beginning the special needs journey<\/strong><\/h5>\nI\u2019m much further along on the journey now, and I have indeed made some changes. But I had to start by eating that elephant one bite at a time, not all at once!\n\nSo this post is for those of you in the early stages.\n<ul>\n \t<li>Maybe you\u2019ve just received a diagnosis.<\/li>\n \t<li>Maybe you\u2019re a couple of years in and completely stressed out.<\/li>\n \t<li>Maybe you\u2019re like I was \u2013 determined to \u201cdo it all\u201d because your child deserves every opportunity.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\nI\u2019ve been down that road and I want to offer this suggestion: <strong>Special needs mom, you can say no<\/strong><strong>.<\/strong>\n\nWhen I was a younger woman, I felt I needed to be a good mother, a good citizen, a good Christian, a good wife, a good cook, a good housekeeper, and so on.\u00a0<strong>I said yes to everything.<\/strong>\n\nI volunteered at my kids\u2019 schools. I sang in the church choir and on the praise team. I worked Vacation Bible School. I taught Kindermusik classes. I cleaned my home on a schedule. I cooked \u201cfrom-scratch\u201d meals every night. I clipped coupons and shopped frugally. I planted my own garden and flower beds with vegetables, herbs, annuals and perennials. I scrapbooked every precious moment of my children\u2019s lives. I kept myself thin and in shape.\n\nI did it all.\n\nThen I discovered my child had autism and I planned to use similar strategies in my attempt to fight it.\n\nCan you see where this is going?\n<h5><strong>It's Okay to Say No<\/strong><\/h5>\nAt age 40, I crashed and burned. My body and my soul simply refused to go on. I knew I could no longer live this way and I began to say no out of absolute necessity.\n\nPlease hear this, parents.\u00a0<strong>Don\u2019t do what I did. Don\u2019t let it go on that long.<\/strong>\n\nI\u2019m giving you permission today to let go and say no.\n<ul>\n \t<li>It\u2019s okay to say no to that gluten-free, casein-free diet right now.<\/li>\n \t<li>It\u2019s okay to say no to that new therapy your friend raves about.<\/li>\n \t<li>It\u2019s okay to say no to reading another book about autism and just read a novel instead.<\/li>\n \t<li>It\u2019s okay to stay home from church this Sunday because you\u2019re exhausted.<\/li>\n \t<li>It\u2019s okay to step down from your volunteer position and focus on your own needs.<\/li>\n \t<li>It\u2019s okay to turn down a playdate that stresses you out.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\nYou can\u2019t do it all.\n\nAnd raising a child with special needs is hard work. It\u2019s a soapbox I climb upon frequently, but it bears repeating:\u00a0<strong>you can\u2019t take care of your child if you aren\u2019t taking care of yourself.<\/strong>\n\nAnd that means \u2013 more often than you might think \u2013 saying no. Even to good things.\n<h5><strong>How to Say No<\/strong><\/h5>\nWant to know what I said no to?\n<ul>\n \t<li><strong>I said no to special diets.<\/strong>\u00a0I have four kids, not just one, and when my son was diagnosed, I was on a strict budget. The idea of going completely gluten and casein free overwhelmed me. So I cut out high fructose corn syrup instead. Then food colorings. And so on. Nine years later, we still aren\u2019t gluten and casein free \u2013 but that\u2019s okay for us!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n \t<li><strong>I said no to volunteering.<\/strong>\u00a0No more room mom or PTA duties, no more leading Vacation Bible School or singing in the church choir. Even though I enjoyed those things, I knew they weren\u2019t something I could do at the time.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n \t<li><strong>I said no to therapies.<\/strong>\u00a0We tried lots of things. But at one point, we had to quit therapy because the weekly drive through heavy traffic was too stressful. I knew that my child having a panic-stricken mom might negate all the good that therapy was doing.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n \t<li><strong>I said no to certain family or friend get-togethers.<\/strong>\u00a0I learned to recognize when my child got overwhelmed (or when I did), and that meant staying home and possibly disappointing people.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<strong>Please hear me:<\/strong>\u00a0I understand how you want to do everything in your power for your child. But I also know how stressful it is to live in a human body and not be able to accomplish everything you think you ought to. I know the toll that raising a special needs child takes on the family.\n\nSo this week, take some time for you. And remember, special needs mom, you can say no.\n\n<em>Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. 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