Discovering a new normal after a special needs diagnosis. Guest blogger Kathy McClelland’s addresses that aspect of special needs parenting, along with many others, in her new book, Beauty in Broken Dreams: A Hopeful Handbook for the Early Years as a Special Needs Parent<\/a>.<\/strong> Today, she’s graciously sharing an excerpt from the book with Different Dream readers. Enjoy!<\/em><\/p>\n After my second son was born with severe disabilities I knew my life would never be the same. I expected to have another perfectly typical child, but when he was born I quickly learned that our life would never be “normal.” This process involved grieving the life I was expecting and all the dreams I was imagining. My life, and my son’s life, had to be re-imagined into something more beautiful than I saw at the outset of his diagnosis.<\/p>\n Accepting a new normal doesn\u2019t happen quickly, at least it didn\u2019t for me. Once I realized that I didn\u2019t need to accept everything about my son\u2019s disabilities immediately, I felt more free. I didn\u2019t want my fear of the future to rob me of sweet moments with my baby. After all, you can\u2019t get that first year back. So I tried to adopt a \u201cone day at a time\u201d mentality. Enjoying today. Doing what I needed to do to make it through today and trusting God for what I needed in the future.<\/p>\n This has been something I\u2019ve had to preach to myself over and over again. I tend to live in the future. I\u2019m constantly trying to plan and prepare for what\u2019s to come. For me to live in the moment and deal with the present is much harder. And honestly, I didn\u2019t think there was much good that could come from a baby with special needs, especially as he got older and I envisioned all of the extra effort and resources he would require. I realized if I didn\u2019t stay in the moment, then life was going to pass right by before I could even enjoy what I was preparing for.<\/p>\n During that first year of Nathan\u2019s life I reconnected with a friend of mine who had a child with Down syndrome<\/strong><\/a>. I wanted to tap into all of her knowledge and experience and emotions that come with having a child with special needs. Shortly after we reconnected, she got a devastating diagnosis. Breast cancer. The worst kind. Her diagnosis hit me especially hard. Not just because she was my friend whom I loved, but also because it enforced a truth I already knew, but didn\u2019t want to believe. That is, there is no cap on the amount of hard things that you may have to endure during your lifetime. You don\u2019t reach a quota and then you stop dealing with hard things.<\/p>\n Once again it put me in that place of fearing the future and not engaging the moment. However, in the midst of her illness she said some things I will remember forever. One is that \u201cthe fear of the future is often worse than the experience itself.\u201d This is true because we can build something up to be such a monster in our heads. It\u2019s awful and terrible and scary. And God is not there in that imaginative nightmare we\u2019ve created. Psalm 42 says that God is an ever\u00a0present<\/i>\u00a0help in trouble. He\u2019s in the moment you\u2019re living presently. He\u2019s gone before you too but you are not omnipresent like God. You are able to only live in one place at a time. And that\u2019s right now.<\/p>\n The second thing she told me that has stuck is \u201cthere is an upside to every circumstance.\u201d After her chemotherapy, she said, \u201cI\u2019d rather have hair, but there are upsides to not having hair.\u201d And I\u2019ve translated that to \u201cI\u2019d rather have my child eat by mouth, but there are upsides to a g-tube<\/strong><\/a>.\u201d He can eat in the car. I can feed him overnight. I can easily hand him over to someone else to hold since I\u2019m not nursing him. I don\u2019t have to cook elaborate baby foods or cut up food into super small pieces. There are upsides.<\/p>\n Things that aren\u2019t normal eventually become normal to you because you do them over and over again. You master them and incorporate them into your life and routine. And it works for your family. If you can get past the stares and the judgments of other people, then you can embrace the beauty of different and see God\u2019s blessings in your new normal.<\/p>\n You make known to me the path of life: <\/p>\n Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.<\/em><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.4.2″][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ background_color=”#b4dbc0″ custom_padding=”20px|20px|20px|20px|false|false”][et_pb_blurb title=”@ET-DC@eyJkeW5hbWljIjp0cnVlLCJjb250ZW50IjoicG9zdF9hdXRob3IiLCJzZXR0aW5ncyI6eyJiZWZvcmUiOiJCeSAiLCJhZnRlciI6IiIsIm5hbWVfZm9ybWF0IjoiZGlzcGxheV9uYW1lIiwibGluayI6Im9uIiwibGlua19kZXN0aW5hdGlvbiI6ImF1dGhvcl9hcmNoaXZlIn19@” image=”http:\/\/jolenephilo.com\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/kathymcclellandprofilephoto.png” icon_placement=”left” image_max_width=”100px” content_max_width=”800px” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ _dynamic_attributes=”title” header_font=”Rubik|500|||||||” header_text_color=”#44465f” header_font_size=”14px” header_line_height=”32px” body_font=”Rubik||||||||” body_text_color=”rgba(0,6,69,0.6)” body_link_text_color=”#ffffff” custom_css_main_element=”font-weight: 400;” border_radii_image=”on|100px|100px|100px|100px” border_color_all_image=”#ffffff” box_shadow_style_image=”preset1″ box_shadow_vertical_image=”20px” box_shadow_blur_image=”40px” box_shadow_color_image=”rgba(68,70,95,0.27)” locked=”off”]<\/p>\n Kathy McClelland<\/b> is the author of Beauty in Broken Dreams: A Hopeful Handbook for the Early Years as a Special Needs Parent<\/a>.<\/strong><\/em> Her second son was born with a rare (1 in 50,000 births) chromosomal disorder which catapulted her into the world of special needs parenting. A former marketing manager, she is a regular contributor to PreemieBabies101.com<\/a><\/strong> and has published on TheMighty.com <\/a><\/strong>and\u00a0EllenStumbo.com<\/a><\/strong>. She lives with her husband and sons in Austin, Texas. You can find her on Facebook at Kathy McClelland<\/a><\/strong> and on Instagram at kathy_allthingsbeautiful<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_blurb][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.4.2″][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″][et_pb_comments _builder_version=”4.4.2″ custom_button=”on” button_text_color=”#42313A” button_bg_color=”#EBDCB2″][\/et_pb_comments][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_sidebar _builder_version=”4.4.2″][\/et_pb_sidebar][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.9.2″ use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”#42313A” background_color_gradient_end=”#EBDCB2″ background_color_gradient_direction=”159deg” custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” border_width_all=”3px” border_color_all=”#1c1259″ saved_tabs=”all”][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_2,1_2″ use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”1″ _builder_version=”4.9.2″ width=”100%” max_width=”100%” custom_margin=”||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”25px|0px|5px|0px|false|false”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ module_class=”horizontal_optin_column_1″ _builder_version=”4.3.4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_text_align=”right” header_text_color=”#45107a” header_3_font=”Dancing Script|700|||||||” header_3_text_align=”center” header_3_text_color=”#B4DBC0″ header_3_font_size=”45px” custom_margin=”10px||||false|false” custom_padding=”||||false|false”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”4.3.4″][et_pb_signup mailchimp_list=”JolenePhilo|89f719a52b” layout=”bottom_top” first_name_fullwidth=”off” last_name_field=”off” email_fullwidth=”off” module_class=”custom_emailoptin” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ form_field_focus_background_color=”#42313A” background_enable_color=”off” custom_button=”on” button_text_size=”16px” button_text_color=”#42313A” button_bg_color=”#B4DBC0″ button_border_width=”2px” button_border_radius=”0px” button_font=”|||on|||||” button_use_icon=”off” button_custom_margin=”5px||||false|false” button_custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” border_width_all_fields=”2px”][\/et_pb_signup][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ custom_padding=”0px|||||”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_font=”EB Garamond|600|||||||” header_text_color=”#B6452C” header_font_size=”50px” header_text_shadow_style=”preset1″]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″][et_pb_blog fullwidth=”off” posts_number=”3″ include_categories=”current” show_more=”on” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_text_color=”#42313A” meta_font=”||on||||||” read_more_font=”|||on|||||” read_more_text_color=”#B6452C” read_more_font_size=”12px” pagination_text_color=”#B6452C” pagination_font_size=”20px”][\/et_pb_blog][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Have you been looking for a new normal since your child’s special needs diagnosis? Author Kathy McClelland’s new handbook was written to help parents in your situation.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":25991,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":" You make known to me the path of life:\nyou will fill me with joy in your presence,\nwith eternal pleasures at your right hand.\n<\/i>Psalm 16:11 (NIV)<\/p>\n\n<\/div>\nDiscovering a New Normal After a Special Needs Diagnosis<\/span><\/h4>\n
Discovering a New Normal One Day at a Time<\/h5>\n
The Fear of the Future is Often Worse Than the Experience Itself<\/h5>\n
![\"Are](\"http:\/\/jolenephilo.com\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/familyshotNathaninwalker.png\")
<\/p>\nThere is an Upside to Every Circumstance<\/h5>\n
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
<\/i>Psalm 16:11 (NIV)<\/p>\n<\/div>\nSubscribe for Updates from Jolene<\/h3>\n
Related Posts<\/h1>\n
![\"Are](\"http:\/\/differentdream.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/BeautyinBrokenDreamsCover.jpg\")
\n\nDiscovering a new normal after a special needs diagnosis. Guest blogger Kathy McClelland's addresses that aspect of special needs parenting, along with many others, in her new book, Beauty in Broken Dreams: A Hopeful Handbook for the Early Years as a Special Needs Parent<\/a>.<\/strong> Today, she's graciously sharing an excerpt from the book with Different Dream readers. Enjoy!<\/em>\nDiscovering a New Normal After a Special Needs Diagnosis<\/span><\/h4>\nAfter my second son was born with severe disabilities I knew my life would never be the same. I expected to have another perfectly typical child, but when he was born I quickly learned that our life would never be \"normal.\" This process involved grieving the life I was expecting and all the dreams I was imagining. My life, and my son's life, had to be re-imagined into something more beautiful than I saw at the outset of his diagnosis.\n
Discovering a New Normal One Day at a Time<\/h5>\nAccepting a new normal doesn\u2019t happen quickly, at least it didn\u2019t for me. Once I realized that I didn\u2019t need to accept everything about my son\u2019s disabilities immediately, I felt more free. I didn\u2019t want my fear of the future to rob me of sweet moments with my baby. After all, you can\u2019t get that first year back. So I tried to adopt a \u201cone day at a time\u201d mentality. Enjoying today. Doing what I needed to do to make it through today and trusting God for what I needed in the future.\n\nThis has been something I\u2019ve had to preach to myself over and over again. I tend to live in the future. I\u2019m constantly trying to plan and prepare for what\u2019s to come. For me to live in the moment and deal with the present is much harder. And honestly, I didn\u2019t think there was much good that could come from a baby with special needs, especially as he got older and I envisioned all of the extra effort and resources he would require. I realized if I didn\u2019t stay in the moment, then life was going to pass right by before I could even enjoy what I was preparing for.\n\nDuring that first year of Nathan\u2019s life I reconnected with a friend of mine who had a child with Down syndrome<\/strong><\/a>. I wanted to tap into all of her knowledge and experience and emotions that come with having a child with special needs. Shortly after we reconnected, she got a devastating diagnosis. Breast cancer. The worst kind. Her diagnosis hit me especially hard. Not just because she was my friend whom I loved, but also because it enforced a truth I already knew, but didn\u2019t want to believe. That is, there is no cap on the amount of hard things that you may have to endure during your lifetime. You don\u2019t reach a quota and then you stop dealing with hard things.\n
The Fear of the Future is Often Worse Than the Experience Itself<\/h5>\nOnce again it put me in that place of fearing the future and not engaging the moment. However, in the midst of her illness she said some things I will remember forever. One is that \u201cthe fear of the future is often worse than the experience itself.\u201d This is true because we can build something up to be such a monster in our heads. It\u2019s awful and terrible and scary. And God is not there in that imaginative nightmare we\u2019ve created. Psalm 42 says that God is an ever\u00a0present<\/i>\u00a0help in trouble. He\u2019s in the moment you\u2019re living presently. He\u2019s gone before you too but you are not omnipresent like God. You are able to only live in one place at a time. And that\u2019s right now.\n\n
![\"Are](\"http:\/\/differentdream.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/familyshotNathaninwalker.png\")
\nThere is an Upside to Every Circumstance<\/h5>\nThe second thing she told me that has stuck is \u201cthere is an upside to every circumstance.\u201d After her chemotherapy, she said, \u201cI\u2019d rather have hair, but there are upsides to not having hair.\u201d And I\u2019ve translated that to \u201cI\u2019d rather have my child eat by mouth, but there are upsides to a g-tube<\/strong><\/a>.\u201d He can eat in the car. I can feed him overnight. I can easily hand him over to someone else to hold since I\u2019m not nursing him. I don\u2019t have to cook elaborate baby foods or cut up food into super small pieces. There are upsides.\n\nThings that aren\u2019t normal eventually become normal to you because you do them over and over again. You master them and incorporate them into your life and routine. And it works for your family. If you can get past the stares and the judgments of other people, then you can embrace the beauty of different and see God\u2019s blessings in your new normal.\n
![\"Are](\"http:\/\/differentdream.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/kathymcclellandprofilephoto-180x300.png\")
Kathy McClelland<\/b> is the author of Beauty in Broken Dreams: A Hopeful Handbook for the Early Years as a Special Needs Parent<\/a>.<\/strong><\/em> Her second son was born with a rare (1 in 50,000 births) chromosomal disorder which catapulted her into the world of special needs parenting. A former marketing manager, she now blogs at kathymcclelland.com<\/strong> <\/a>about finding beauty and hope in the midst of broken dreams. She is also a regular contributor to PreemieBabies101.com<\/a><\/strong> and has published on TheMighty.com<\/a><\/strong>, EllenStumbo.com<\/a><\/strong> and Sparkhouse.org<\/a><\/strong>. She lives with her husband and sons in Austin, Texas. You can find her on Facebook at Kathy McClelland<\/a><\/strong> and on Instagram at kathy_allthingsbeautiful.<\/p>\n\n\nDo you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.<\/em>\n\nSave<\/span>\n\nSave<\/span>","_et_gb_content_width":"2880","footnotes":""},"categories":[3596,3559,3583],"tags":[4029,4030,4031],"class_list":["post-25986","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spiritual-books-and-resources","category-different-dream","category-spiritual-support","tag-beauty-in-broken-dreams","tag-g-tube","tag-kathy-mcclelland"],"yoast_head":"\n