{"id":25600,"date":"2017-02-22T00:05:08","date_gmt":"2017-02-22T06:05:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/differentdream.com\/?p=25600"},"modified":"2017-02-22T00:05:08","modified_gmt":"2017-02-22T06:05:08","slug":"5-things-special-needs-parents-want-friends","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jolenephilo.com\/staging\/5-things-special-needs-parents-want-friends\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Things Special Needs Parents Want from Friends"},"content":{"rendered":"\n[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_fullwidth_post_title featured_image=”off” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ title_font=”||||||||” title_text_color=”#42313A” title_font_size=”40px” meta_font_size=”14px” background_color=”#B4DBC0″ custom_padding=”50px||50px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_fullwidth_post_title][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ specialty=”on” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ custom_padding=”0px||0px|||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”3_4″ specialty_columns=”3″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_image src=”@ET-DC@eyJkeW5hbWljIjp0cnVlLCJjb250ZW50IjoicG9zdF9mZWF0dXJlZF9pbWFnZSIsInNldHRpbmdzIjp7fX0=@” align=”center” _builder_version=”4.4.3″ _dynamic_attributes=”src” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.9.4″ global_colors_info=”{}”]

Special needs parents want so many things for their children with disabilities. They’re so busy meeting their kids needs, they fail to pay attention to their own. Today, guest blogger Kimberly Drew writes about 5 things special needs parents want from their friends. See if they resonate with you.<\/em><\/p>\n

5 Things Special Needs Parents Want from Friends<\/h5>\n

Last night I went to a meeting for a disability ministry our church will be launching soon. The meeting itself was productive, but it was the friendship around the table that really spoke to my heart.<\/p>\n

You see, I received a large packet in the mail from the high school my daughter will be attending. It suggested that my daughter sign up for English, math, science, and social studies classes next year. Another insert provided check off options for cheer leading or other spring sports.<\/p>\n

For many parents with children with special needs, milestone moments for their peer groups can be difficult. When I read the packet,\u00a0 I started to cry and threw it on the table. At first I was frustrated that we even received it. But the mass mailing was not meant to be an insult\u2013it was just a mailing. A school district that serves hundreds of students might not realize how sad it is for parents to send their disabled children to a multiply disabled classroom.<\/p>\n

There are very few people who understand how isolating and disappointing these moments are. The women sitting around the table at the church meeting let me cry. I didn\u2019t have to fill in any blanks for them to understand what I was feeling. There was a strong sense of community for me that was very healing.<\/p>\n

The experience made me think about my own circle of friends, family, and church family, my local school family and why it’s so difficult to talk about these things and process them with people close to me. Here are a few reasons that I came up with about what special needs parents want from their friends and family. It’s not an exhaustive list, but I hope it will show your own circle of influence how to love and support to you.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. I don\u2019t want you to think that I\u2019m having a pity party.<\/em> I don\u2019t like to complain about the challenges of raising our daughter because I don\u2019t want to be a Debbie Downer or a negative person. Everyone has things that they struggle with emotionally, and this just happens to be our thing. Sometimes, I hesitate to share this with you because I don\u2019t want you to think that I am just feeling sorry for myself.<\/li>\n
  2. I don\u2019t want you to pity me either.<\/em> If I put my feelings into words, it sounds so very sad. I don\u2019t want you to feel sorry for me. What I really want is for you to hear me, hug me, and love me through it.<\/li>\n
  3. I don\u2019t want a pep-talk.<\/em> Sometimes I just need to get the feelings out to get it over with. I don\u2019t need a commentary about looking for the bright side or a pep-talk about what we have going for us. Our circumstances stink<\/strong>! We can\u2019t change them, and I can\u2019t change that it hurts me. No one gets through grief with a pep-talk, so let the situation be what it is. Let it take its course. If I stop brushing my teeth and getting out of bed, then you can give me a pep-talk. Otherwise, just be there for me.<\/strong><\/li>\n
  4. I\u2019m afraid you\u2019ll back away. <\/em>I\u2019ve talked to hundreds of parents of kids with special needs. They all say that that when things get hard, some people back away. They can\u2019t take the drama of your life. They stop calling, stop messaging, stop asking. I wish I could change what we are going through so when those people ask how things are going, I don\u2019t have to give medical run-downs or list of upcoming appointments. I can\u2019t change the fact that my life revolves around my child’s disabilities. This is my life\u2026but sometimes I shield it from you because I don\u2019t want to have one more friend who packs up and heads out.<\/li>\n
  5. It\u2019s just easier not to talk about it.<\/em> Sometimes my coping mechanism is avoidance. So it means a lot when a friend initiates the conversation. We need friends who are proactive about asking how we are dealing with things. I appreciate friends who anticipate situations that might be hard for me and ask about them. I cry, and they listen. It\u2019s so therapeutic. It won\u2019t dominate our friendship, but it\u2019s a part of who I am. Love me enough to not let me ignore the pain.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
    What Else Do Special Needs Parents Want from Friends?<\/h5>\n

    Did Kimberly’s list include what you want? If not, add to the list of what special needs parents want from friends by leaving a comment in the comment box.<\/p>\n

    Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.<\/em><\/p>\n

    <\/em><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ background_color=”#b4dbc0″ custom_padding=”20px|20px|20px|20px|false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_blurb title=”@ET-DC@eyJkeW5hbWljIjp0cnVlLCJjb250ZW50IjoicG9zdF9hdXRob3IiLCJzZXR0aW5ncyI6eyJiZWZvcmUiOiJCeSAiLCJhZnRlciI6IiIsIm5hbWVfZm9ybWF0IjoiZGlzcGxheV9uYW1lIiwibGluayI6Im9uIiwibGlua19kZXN0aW5hdGlvbiI6ImF1dGhvcl9hcmNoaXZlIn19@” image=”http:\/\/differentdream.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Kimberly-Drew.jpg” icon_placement=”left” image_max_width=”100px” content_max_width=”800px” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ _dynamic_attributes=”title” header_font=”Rubik|500|||||||” header_text_color=”#44465f” header_font_size=”14px” header_line_height=”32px” body_font=”Rubik||||||||” body_text_color=”rgba(0,6,69,0.6)” body_link_text_color=”#ffffff” custom_css_main_element=”font-weight: 400;” border_radii_image=”on|100px|100px|100px|100px” border_color_all_image=”#ffffff” box_shadow_style_image=”preset1″ box_shadow_vertical_image=”20px” box_shadow_blur_image=”40px” box_shadow_color_image=”rgba(68,70,95,0.27)” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”]

    Kimberly grew up and went to college in the small town of Upland, IN. She graduated from Taylor University with a degree in Elementary Education in 2002. While at TU, she married her college sweetheart and so began their adventure! Ryan and Kimberly have four amazing kids on earth (Abigail, Jayden, Ellie, and Cooper), and a baby boy waiting for them in heaven. Their daughter Abigail (Abbey) has multiple disabilities including cerebral palsy, a seizure disorder, hearing loss, microcephaly, and oral dysphagia. She is the inspiration behind Kimberly\u2019s\u00a0 desire to write. In addition to being a stay at home mom, Kimberly has been serving alongside her husband in full time youth ministry for almost fourteen years. She enjoys working with the senior high girls, scrapbooking, reading, and music. You can visit Kimberly at her website,\u00a0<\/span>Promises and Perspective<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>[\/et_pb_blurb][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_comments _builder_version=”4.4.2″ custom_button=”on” button_text_color=”#42313A” button_bg_color=”#EBDCB2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_comments][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_sidebar _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_sidebar][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.9.2″ use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”#42313A” background_color_gradient_end=”#EBDCB2″ background_color_gradient_direction=”159deg” custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” border_width_all=”3px” border_color_all=”#1c1259″ saved_tabs=”all” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_2,1_2″ use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”1″ _builder_version=”4.9.2″ width=”100%” max_width=”100%” custom_margin=”||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”25px|0px|5px|0px|false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ module_class=”horizontal_optin_column_1″ _builder_version=”4.3.4″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_text_align=”right” header_text_color=”#45107a” header_3_font=”Dancing Script|700|||||||” header_3_text_align=”center” header_3_text_color=”#B4DBC0″ header_3_font_size=”45px” custom_margin=”10px||||false|false” custom_padding=”||||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]

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    Special needs parents want certain things from their friends. Guest blogger Kimberly Drew offers her list of what she wants when special needs parenting is hard.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":25603,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"\"\n\nSpecial needs parents want so many things for their children with disabilities. They're so busy meeting their kids needs, they fail to pay attention to their own. Today, guest blogger Kimberly Drew<\/a><\/strong> writes about 5 things special needs parents want from their friends. See if they resonate with you.<\/em>\n

    5 Things Special Needs Parents Want from Friends<\/h5>\nLast night I went to a meeting for a disability ministry our church will be launching soon. The meeting itself was productive, but it was the friendship around the table that really spoke to my heart.\n\nYou see, I received a large packet in the mail from the high school my daughter will be attending. It suggested that my daughter sign up for English, math, science, and social studies classes next year. Another insert provided check off options for cheer leading or other spring sports.\n\nFor many parents with children with special needs, milestone moments for their peer groups can be difficult. When I read the packet,\u00a0 I started to cry and threw it on the table. At first I was frustrated that we even received it. But the mass mailing was not meant to be an insult\u2013it was just a mailing. A school district that serves hundreds of students might not realize how sad it is for parents to send their disabled children to a multiply disabled classroom.\n\nThere are very few people who understand how isolating and disappointing these moments are. The women sitting around the table at the church meeting let me cry. I didn\u2019t have to fill in any blanks for them to understand what I was feeling. There was a strong sense of community for me that was very healing.\n\nThe experience made me think about my own circle of friends, family, and church family, my local school family and why it's so difficult to talk about these things and process them with people close to me. Here are a few reasons that I came up with about what special needs parents want from their friends and family. It's not an exhaustive list, but I hope it will show your own circle of influence how to love and support to you.\n
      \n \t
    1. I don\u2019t want you to think that I\u2019m having a pity party.<\/em> I don\u2019t like to complain about the challenges of raising our daughter because I don\u2019t want to be a Debbie Downer or a negative person. Everyone has things that they struggle with emotionally, and this just happens to be our thing. Sometimes, I hesitate to share this with you because I don\u2019t want you to think that I am just feeling sorry for myself.<\/li>\n \t
    2. I don\u2019t want you to pity me either.<\/em> If I put my feelings into words, it sounds so very sad. I don\u2019t want you to feel sorry for me. What I really want is for you to hear me, hug me, and love me through it.<\/li>\n \t
    3. I don\u2019t want a pep-talk.<\/em> Sometimes I just need to get the feelings out to get it over with. I don\u2019t need a commentary about looking for the bright side or a pep-talk about what we have going for us. Our circumstances stink<\/strong>! We can\u2019t change them, and I can\u2019t change that it hurts me. No one gets through grief with a pep-talk, so let the situation be what it is. Let it take its course. If I stop brushing my teeth and getting out of bed, then you can give me a pep-talk. Otherwise, just be there for me.<\/strong><\/li>\n \t
    4. I\u2019m afraid you\u2019ll back away. <\/em>I\u2019ve talked to hundreds of parents of kids with special needs. They all say that that when things get hard, some people back away. They can\u2019t take the drama of your life. They stop calling, stop messaging, stop asking. I wish I could change what we are going through so when those people ask how things are going, I don\u2019t have to give medical run-downs or list of upcoming appointments. I can\u2019t change the fact that my life revolves around my child's disabilities. This is my life\u2026but sometimes I shield it from you because I don\u2019t want to have one more friend who packs up and heads out.<\/li>\n \t
    5. It\u2019s just easier not to talk about it.<\/em> Sometimes my coping mechanism is avoidance. So it means a lot when a friend initiates the conversation. We need friends who are proactive about asking how we are dealing with things. I appreciate friends who anticipate situations that might be hard for me and ask about them. I cry, and they listen. It\u2019s so therapeutic. It won\u2019t dominate our friendship, but it\u2019s a part of who I am. Love me enough to not let me ignore the pain.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
      What Else Do Special Needs Parents Want from Friends?<\/h5>\nDid Kimberly's list include what you want? If not, add to the list of what special needs parents want from friends by leaving a comment in the comment box.\n\nDo you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.<\/em>\n\nSave<\/span>","_et_gb_content_width":"2880","footnotes":""},"categories":[3559,3581,3583],"tags":[2170,533,3705,3791],"class_list":["post-25600","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-different-dream","category-grief","category-spiritual-support","tag-compassion","tag-grief","tag-guest-blogger","tag-kimberly-drew"],"yoast_head":"\n5 Things Special Needs Parents Want from Friends - Jolene Philo Staging<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Special needs parents want certain things from friends. Guest blogger Kimberly Drew offers her list of what she wants when special needs parenting is hard.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"5 Things Special Needs Parents Want from Friends - Jolene Philo Staging\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Special needs parents want certain things from friends. 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