{"id":2051,"date":"2009-06-02T02:21:48","date_gmt":"2009-06-02T02:21:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jolene-test.com.bishopcompsol.com\/?p=2051"},"modified":"2009-06-02T02:21:48","modified_gmt":"2009-06-02T02:21:48","slug":"im-becoming-my-grandma","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jolenephilo.com\/staging\/im-becoming-my-grandma\/","title":{"rendered":"I&#8217;m Becoming My Grandma"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/jolenephilo.com\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/shapeimage_1-368.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-2052\" title=\"shapeimage_1-36\" src=\"http:\/\/jolenephilo.com\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/shapeimage_1-368-300x171.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"171\" srcset=\"https:\/\/jolenephilo.com\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/shapeimage_1-368-300x171.png 300w, https:\/\/jolenephilo.com\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/shapeimage_1-368-500x285.png 500w, https:\/\/jolenephilo.com\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/shapeimage_1-368.png 700w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>A few years ago my older sister, who hit fifty long before I did, said she was getting more like our Grandma Hess (our mother\u2019s mother) every year. \u201cMaybe it\u2019s happening to you,\u201d I thought, \u201cbut it won\u2019t happen to me.\u201d I was so wrong! Since turning fifty almost three years ago, I have developed some strange quirks that can be traced directly to Grandma. The most notable of these traits are:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>A growing belief that oatmeal deserves its own food group, should be eaten for every breakfast and added to all baked goods.<\/li>\n<li>A penchant for big, flower-patterned, cover-up aprons.<\/li>\n<li>Snoring.<\/li>\n<li>The habit of spitting on a tissue (though Grandma used a hankie) and using it to wash the dirty face of any child related to me.<\/li>\n<li>Wintering over my geraniums, rooting geraniums, planting geraniums in my garden, etc.<\/li>\n<li>Ditto for asparagus ferns, vinca vines, and philodendrons.<\/li>\n<li>Not wanting to spend money unless it\u2019s really necessary, and nothing is really all that necessary.<\/li>\n<li>A need to check my flower gardens every day, pick flowers for bouquets whenever possible, and put the flowers in the vase (see photograph above) that belonged to Grandma\u2019s mother.<\/li>\n<li>Thinking the best way to celebrate any winter event is to cram everyone into my house and serve a heavy meal.<\/li>\n<li>Thinking the best way to celebrate any winter event is to have a family picnic.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Some of Grandma\u2019s traits I haven\u2019t picked up yet and hope Hiram or my kids chain me to a wall before I do are:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Taking all the sugar, creamer, catsup, mustard, and any other condiment packets, along with as many straws and napkins that will fit in a purse, from restaurant booths.<\/li>\n<li>Buying cheap clothes, worthy of wearing at my own funeral, at Crazy Daze and putting them in the back of the closet until the big day arrives.<\/li>\n<li>Belching.<\/li>\n<li>Watching Lawrence Welk every Saturday night.<\/li>\n<li>Knowing the life story of every entertainer on Lawrence Welk and relating them to my grandchildren.<\/li>\n<li>Asking my kids to cut my toenails when I can afford a podiatrist.<\/li>\n<li>Requiring kids to wait thirty minutes after a meal before they go swimming.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Unfortunately, a few years ago I would have told my family to chain me to a wall if I snored, spit on a tissue or wore a flower-patterned apron. So I\u2019m probably doomed to pick up a few more Grandma quirks every few years. But if the Lawrence Welk oddities come last, I\u2019ll be eternally grateful.<\/p>\n<p>A-one, and a-two, and a&#8230;.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A few years ago my older sister, who hit fifty long before I did, said she was getting more like our Grandma Hess (our mother\u2019s mother) every year. \u201cMaybe it\u2019s happening to you,\u201d I thought, \u201cbut it won\u2019t happen to me.\u201d I was so wrong! Since turning fifty almost three years ago, I have developed [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[434,518,708],"class_list":["post-2051","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family","tag-flowers","tag-grandma-josie","tag-lawrence-welk"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>I&#039;m Becoming My Grandma - Jolene Philo Staging<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"I&#039;m Becoming My Grandma - Jolene Philo Staging\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"A few years ago my older sister, who hit fifty long before I did, said she was getting more like our Grandma Hess (our mother\u2019s mother) every year. \u201cMaybe it\u2019s happening to you,\u201d I thought, \u201cbut it won\u2019t happen to me.\u201d I was so wrong! 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