{"id":1133,"date":"2010-08-07T20:28:15","date_gmt":"2010-08-07T20:28:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jolene-test.com.bishopcompsol.com\/?p=1133"},"modified":"2010-08-07T20:28:15","modified_gmt":"2010-08-07T20:28:15","slug":"chinese-water-torture-is-not-for-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jolenephilo.com\/staging\/chinese-water-torture-is-not-for-me\/","title":{"rendered":"Chinese Water Torture Is Not for Me"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/jolenephilo.com\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/shapeimage_1-1471.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-1134\" title=\"shapeimage_1-14\" src=\"http:\/\/jolenephilo.com\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/shapeimage_1-1471-300x171.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"171\" srcset=\"https:\/\/jolenephilo.com\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/shapeimage_1-1471-300x171.png 300w, https:\/\/jolenephilo.com\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/shapeimage_1-1471-500x285.png 500w, https:\/\/jolenephilo.com\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/shapeimage_1-1471.png 700w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Even though I\u2019m really good at secret code words (ask Anne\u2019s bridesmaids and Kailen\u2019s bridegrooms about the dandy ones I invented during wedding week), and even though I\u2019ve read all the Mrs. Pollifax books as part of my training to become a little old lady CIA agent, and even though I have collected a closetful of disguises and costumes over the years, the sad truth is this: I would make a terrible spy.<\/p>\n<p>This truth became abundantly clear while I attended the International MOPS Convention. It was held at Kissimmee, Florida\u2019s gigantic resort, the Gaylord Palms. The huge atrium is decorated according to theme regions like St. Augustine, the Everglades, Key West. Every area features water falls, fountains, fake lakes and tiny streams. No matter where I went water gurgled and spouted and bubbled and dripped continually. After about two days, I was ready to grab the Gaylord employees by the collar, shove \u2018em against the wall, and snarl, \u201cYou want to live to see tomorrow, buster, you turn off the water and do it now.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s when I realized I could never be a spy. Two drips into Chinese water torture and I\u2019d be singing like a canary, spilling the beans, crying like a baby, divulging state secrets. You chose the phrase. I\u2019d be doing it.<\/p>\n<p>I had prepared for poor book sales at the MOPS Convention, but they weren\u2019t too bad. I was prepared to forget everything I\u2019d prepared for my workshop, but remembered it easily. My expectations for networking opportunities were modest, but several doors opened.<\/p>\n<p>However, giving up my dream of being an old lady spy is a sore disappointment. I\u2019ll be in mourning for a good, long time&#8230;unless the bathroom faucet is dripping at home. In that case, I\u2019ll be grabbing my poor husband by the collar, slamming him against the wall, and snarling, \u201cYou want to live to see tomorrow, buster, you fix the faucet and do it now.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Not a pretty picture, is it?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Even though I\u2019m really good at secret code words (ask Anne\u2019s bridesmaids and Kailen\u2019s bridegrooms about the dandy ones I invented during wedding week), and even though I\u2019ve read all the Mrs. Pollifax books as part of my training to become a little old lady CIA agent, and even though I have collected a closetful [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[688,825],"class_list":["post-1133","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-out-and-about","tag-kissimmee-florida","tag-mops-conventtion"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.8 - 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