No More Vacant Special Needs Dads<\/h3>\n
“My coping mechanism, like so many other dads of children with special needs, was to live in denial. I convinced myself that this was temporary and he would eventually catch up developmentally. For years I would not even utter the word autism<\/a> out loud. I would say\u00a0my son was on the autism spectrum, but not autistic. I would declare he\u00a0had sensory processing issues but it wasn\u2019t autism. I acted as if as long as I didn\u2019t acknowledge it verbally, it didn\u2019t exist. I was convinced he would just grow out of it someday.\u00a0I would retreat at night to my home office and pour myself into my work, sitting at my desk until everyone else in the house was in bed.<\/p>\n “That\u2019s what most of us do when we are in denial or just don\u2019t know what to do. We retreat to something we are good at, or can master, and we throw ourselves into that instead. That\u2019s our coping mechanism. So I dug in passionately at work and masked what was going on in my private life.”<\/p>\n “Coming to grips with the realization that you have a child with special needs is very much like many other life-altering moments in life. Everyone has to grieve. Everyone has to go through the grief process. What no one tells you is that you and your spouse will grieve differently and not be at the same stage or place in your grief at the same time.<\/p>\n “Men, for example, tend to get all tangled up in the denial and anger stages of grief. We can linger there for years and, for many dads, it\u2019s unrecoverable. They never come to terms with it and it destroys them. Some dads choose to live forever in anger or denial. Often, dads check out within just a few years of receiving a diagnosis. Many will just walk away and leave the family fatherless.”<\/p>\n “For too many others, though, they just become what I call the ‘vacant dad.’ The vacant dad stays in the marriage, but he is pretty much there in body only. He doesn\u2019t care, he doesn\u2019t get engaged, and he doesn\u2019t get involved. He\u2019s checked out in every way except physically. I don\u2019t know which is worse, the dad who leaves or the vacant dad. But I didn\u2019t want to be either one.<\/p>\n “We have an epidemic of vacant dads in the special-needs community these days. We are losing too many dads within two or three years after diagnosis. As a result too many children with special needs are being predominantly raised by single female caregivers.\u201d<\/p>\n Those words are excerpted from my new book for parents of children with special needs, No More Peanut Butter Sandwiches: a father, a son with special needs, and their journey with God<\/em><\/span>.<\/a><\/p>\n I began using the phrase \u201cvacant dad\u201d a couple of years ago after noticing the lack of engagement and involvement so many fathers have within their special-needs families. As a father of a son with profound special needs myself, I cannot imagine missing out on the blessings, joys, and cherished experiences I have had through my interactions with my own son.<\/p>\n As I like to say, \u201cGod sent a broken child into a broken world to a broken father, so that together they could find God in their brokenness.\u201d That\u2019s why I have become so passionate about starting a movement to reach more dads of children with special needs. That\u2019s why I wrote my book from a father\u2019s perspective to help other fathers along the journey.<\/p>\n At risingaboveministries.org, <\/a><\/span>fathers and mothers of children with special need can network, find support, participate in discussion forums, and link up with dad\u2019s groups and activities across the country.<\/p>\n Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ background_color=”#b4dbc0″ custom_padding=”20px|20px|20px|20px|false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_blurb title=”@ET-DC@eyJkeW5hbWljIjp0cnVlLCJjb250ZW50IjoicG9zdF9hdXRob3IiLCJzZXR0aW5ncyI6eyJiZWZvcmUiOiJCeSAiLCJhZnRlciI6IiIsIm5hbWVfZm9ybWF0IjoiZGlzcGxheV9uYW1lIiwibGluayI6Im9uIiwibGlua19kZXN0aW5hdGlvbiI6ImF1dGhvcl9hcmNoaXZlIn19@” image=”http:\/\/differentdream.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/Jeff-headshot-8-242×300-1.jpg” icon_placement=”left” image_max_width=”100px” content_max_width=”800px” _builder_version=”4.10.5″ _dynamic_attributes=”title” header_font=”Rubik|500|||||||” header_text_color=”#44465f” header_font_size=”14px” header_line_height=”32px” body_font=”Rubik||||||||” body_text_color=”rgba(0,6,69,0.6)” body_link_text_color=”#ffffff” hover_enabled=”0″ custom_css_main_element=”font-weight: 400;” border_radii_image=”on|100px|100px|100px|100px” border_color_all_image=”#ffffff” box_shadow_style_image=”preset1″ box_shadow_vertical_image=”20px” box_shadow_blur_image=”40px” box_shadow_color_image=”rgba(68,70,95,0.27)” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n Jeff Davidson and his wife Becky founded Rising Above Ministries<\/a> to help support and encourage special needs families. Jeff passed away in 2017.<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_blurb][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_comments _builder_version=”4.4.2″ custom_button=”on” button_text_color=”#42313A” button_bg_color=”#EBDCB2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_comments][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_sidebar _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_sidebar][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.9.2″ use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”#42313A” background_color_gradient_end=”#EBDCB2″ background_color_gradient_direction=”159deg” custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” border_width_all=”3px” border_color_all=”#1c1259″ saved_tabs=”all” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_2,1_2″ use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”1″ _builder_version=”4.9.2″ width=”100%” max_width=”100%” custom_margin=”||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”25px|0px|5px|0px|false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ module_class=”horizontal_optin_column_1″ _builder_version=”4.3.4″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_text_align=”right” header_text_color=”#45107a” header_3_font=”Dancing Script|700|||||||” header_3_text_align=”center” header_3_text_color=”#B4DBC0″ header_3_font_size=”45px” custom_margin=”10px||||false|false” custom_padding=”||||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”4.3.4″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_signup mailchimp_list=”JolenePhilo|89f719a52b” layout=”bottom_top” first_name_fullwidth=”off” last_name_field=”off” email_fullwidth=”off” module_class=”custom_emailoptin” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ form_field_focus_background_color=”#42313A” background_enable_color=”off” custom_button=”on” button_text_size=”16px” button_text_color=”#42313A” button_bg_color=”#B4DBC0″ button_border_width=”2px” button_border_radius=”0px” button_font=”|||on|||||” button_use_icon=”off” button_custom_margin=”5px||||false|false” button_custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” border_width_all_fields=”2px” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_signup][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ custom_padding=”0px|||||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_font=”EB Garamond|600|||||||” header_text_color=”#B6452C” header_font_size=”50px” header_text_shadow_style=”preset1″ global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_blog fullwidth=”off” posts_number=”3″ include_categories=”current” show_more=”on” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_text_color=”#42313A” meta_font=”||on||||||” read_more_font=”|||on|||||” read_more_text_color=”#B6452C” read_more_font_size=”12px” pagination_text_color=”#B6452C” pagination_font_size=”20px” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_blog][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Too many special needs dads become vacant dads because of parenting stress. Jeff Davidson’s No More Vacant Dads initiative encourages them to be present.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10895,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":" Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.<\/em><\/p>","_et_gb_content_width":"2880","footnotes":""},"categories":[3560,3559,3561],"tags":[2628,3900,3943,3944],"class_list":["post-10894","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advocacy","category-different-dream","category-special-needs-parenting","tag-give-away","tag-jeff-davidson","tag-no-more-peanut-butter-sandwiches","tag-rising-above-ministries"],"yoast_head":"\nSpecial Needs Dads and Moms Need to Grieve<\/h4>\n
Why Special Needs Dads Become Vacant Dads<\/h4>\n
Why I Write for Special Needs Dads<\/h4>\n
How to Join the No More Vacant Dads Community<\/h4>\n
![\"Unknown\"](\"http:\/\/differentdream.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/Unknown-201x300.jpeg\")
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Related Posts<\/h1>\n
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<\/a>\n\nVacant special needs dads are an unwanted reality for many families kids with disabilities. Today's guest blogger and author Jeff Davidson was in danger of becoming a vacant dad after the birth of his son who has profound special needs. Today, Jeff shares the story of the grace that rescued him and his family and eventually led to his newly released book and the No More Vacant Dads initiative. You can also enter the give away for a free copy of Jeff's book, <\/em>No More Peanut Butter Sandwiches.<\/em><\/a>\nNo More Vacant Special Needs Dads<\/h3>\n\"My coping mechanism, like so many other dads of children with special needs, was to live in denial. I convinced myself that this was temporary and he would eventually catch up developmentally. For years I would not even utter the word autism<\/a> out loud. I would say\u00a0my son was on the autism spectrum, but not autistic. I would declare he\u00a0had sensory processing issues but it wasn\u2019t autism. I acted as if as long as I didn\u2019t acknowledge it verbally, it didn\u2019t exist. I was convinced he would just grow out of it someday.\u00a0I would retreat at night to my home office and pour myself into my work, sitting at my desk until everyone else in the house was in bed.\n\n\"That\u2019s what most of us do when we are in denial or just don\u2019t know what to do. We retreat to something we are good at, or can master, and we throw ourselves into that instead. That\u2019s our coping mechanism. So I dug in passionately at work and masked what was going on in my private life.\"\n
Special Needs Dads and Moms Need to Grieve<\/h4>\n\"Coming to grips with the realization that you have a child with special needs is very much like many other life-altering moments in life. Everyone has to grieve. Everyone has to go through the grief process. What no one tells you is that you and your spouse will grieve differently and not be at the same stage or place in your grief at the same time.\n\n\"Men, for example, tend to get all tangled up in the denial and anger stages of grief. We can linger there for years and, for many dads, it\u2019s unrecoverable. They never come to terms with it and it destroys them. Some dads choose to live forever in anger or denial. Often, dads check out within just a few years of receiving a diagnosis. Many will just walk away and leave the family fatherless.\"\n
Why Special Needs Dads Become Vacant Dads<\/h4>\n\"For too many others, though, they just become what I call the 'vacant dad.' The vacant dad stays in the marriage, but he is pretty much there in body only. He doesn\u2019t care, he doesn\u2019t get engaged, and he doesn\u2019t get involved. He\u2019s checked out in every way except physically. I don\u2019t know which is worse, the dad who leaves or the vacant dad. But I didn\u2019t want to be either one.\n\n\"We have an epidemic of vacant dads in the special-needs community these days. We are losing too many dads within two or three years after diagnosis. As a result too many children with special needs are being predominantly raised by single female caregivers.\u201d\n
Why I Write for Special Needs Dads<\/h4>\nThose words are excerpted from my new book for parents of children with special needs, No More Peanut Butter Sandwiches: a father, a son with special needs, and their journey with God<\/em>.<\/a>\n\nI began using the phrase \u201cvacant dad\u201d a couple of years ago after noticing the lack of engagement and involvement so many fathers have within their special-needs families. As a father of a son with profound special needs myself, I cannot imagine missing out on the blessings, joys, and cherished experiences I have had through my interactions with my own son.\n\nAs I like to say, \u201cGod sent a broken child into a broken world to a broken father, so that together they could find God in their brokenness.\u201d That\u2019s why I have become so passionate about starting a movement to reach more dads of children with special needs. That\u2019s why I wrote my book from a father\u2019s perspective to help other fathers along the journey.\n
How to Join the No More Vacant Dads Community<\/h4>\nWe have also started an initiative called #NoMoreVacantDads. We just launched a Facebook page at Facebook.com\/NoMoreVacantDads<\/a> where dads can find tools, links, resources, encouragement, inspiration, and blog pieces specific to fathers of children with special needs.\n\nAlong with that effort, there is a No More Vacant Dads link on my websites at jeffmdavidson.com<\/a> and risingaboveministries.org<\/a> where fathers of children with special need will soon be able to network, find support, participate in discussion forums, and link up with dad\u2019s groups and activities across the country.\n\nIf you know a dad of a child with special needs, I hope you will encourage them to join the No More Vacant Dads community<\/a> and connect with us as we encourage men to be the fathers and husbands for which they have been called. Join the fight to defeat Vacant Dad Syndrome!\n
Enter the Book Give Away<\/h3>\n
<\/a>Jeff has generously supplied a give away copy of No More Peanut Butter Sandwiches<\/em>. To enter, leave a comment in the box below. To up your chances of winning, you can also like the Different Dream Facebook page<\/a>, and\/or sign up for the Different Dream newsletter at the top of the right side bar on this page. The contest closes at midnight on November 30, 2014 so complete your entries before then. This book give away is now closed.<\/strong>\n<\/strong><\/p>\n