{"id":10887,"date":"2014-12-04T00:05:33","date_gmt":"2014-12-04T06:05:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/f06.70c.myftpupload.com\/?p=10887"},"modified":"2014-12-04T00:05:33","modified_gmt":"2014-12-04T06:05:33","slug":"special-needs-acceptance-not-judgement","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jolenephilo.com\/staging\/special-needs-acceptance-not-judgement\/","title":{"rendered":"Special Needs Acceptance, Not Judgement"},"content":{"rendered":"\n[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_fullwidth_post_title featured_image=”off” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ title_font=”||||||||” title_text_color=”#42313A” title_font_size=”40px” meta_font_size=”14px” background_color=”#B4DBC0″ custom_padding=”50px||50px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_fullwidth_post_title][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ specialty=”on” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ custom_padding=”0px||0px|||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”3_4″ specialty_columns=”3″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_image src=”@ET-DC@eyJkeW5hbWljIjp0cnVlLCJjb250ZW50IjoicG9zdF9mZWF0dXJlZF9pbWFnZSIsInNldHRpbmdzIjp7fX0=@” align=”center” _builder_version=”4.4.3″ _dynamic_attributes=”src” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.10.5″ global_colors_info=”{}”]

Special needs acceptance isn’t always easy to come by, as parents of kids with special needs know. Guest blogger Maggi Gale is here to describe her epic fail at offering special needs acceptance to a mother she glimpsed during her daughter’s hospital visit.<\/em><\/p>\n

Special Needs Acceptance, Not Judgement<\/h3>\n

I noticed her as we entered the hospital. It was her determined cheerfulness that struck me, merrily chatting to her son as they paraded down the corridor. Then I spotted that he was on a tricycle. It had a tall flag attached by which she guided him. My first thought \u2013 although I\u2019m ashamed of it now\u2013was that he was indulged. Why allow your son to ride a tricycle inside the hospital? After all he looked to be about 4 years old.<\/p>\n

I was new to this world of special needs parenting.<\/p>\n

It happened when we were called into a room for my daughter\u2019s height and weight to be checked at the same time as the lady. Behind averted eyes I couldn\u2019t help but notice as she carefully lifted her son out of his tricycle. To my shock I saw he was unable to walk or stand.<\/p>\n

How quick I had been to judge, to privately label this boy as \u201cindulged.\u201d With people like me around, no wonder the lady had developed her attitude of determined cheerfulness and deliberate focus on her son, seemingly blocking out the rest of the world.<\/p>\n

Although I never saw her again, I was to think of this lady many times over the coming years. What had she experienced? Could it be that the purposeful attitude had become her suit of armor from misunderstandings and insensitive remarks?<\/p>\n

My daughter\u2019s condition was to be misunderstood on many occasions. Since EA\/TEF<\/a><\/span> affects only one in 3500 babies, most people we knew were unaware of it. And some of the comments we were to receive over the next years would shoot like darts to my heart until it bled.<\/p>\n

They ranged from well-meant but foolish medical advice, through rude comments about her distinctive cough, to judgmental statements about her swallowing difficulties. There were also the looks between other mothers which said, \u201cIs this a case of Munchausen syndrome<\/a><\/span> by proxy?\u201d when my explanations weren\u2019t accepted.<\/p>\n

Was it actually my responsibility to prove that Lois had EA\/TEF? <\/em>
If people didn\u2019t understand, did it matter? <\/em>
How could I be thick skinned enough to shrug off the ignorant comment, without shrugging off the person who made the comment?<\/em><\/p>\n

And why did these darts hit me at the most unexpected times? At a farewell party in front of 20 of my husband\u2019s colleagues, at a children\u2019s birthday party, by the beach\u2026so many casual but insensitive remarks brought me to tears.<\/p>\n

So I developed my own suit of armor, my own purposeful attitude and deliberate focus. My armor was knowledge about my daughter\u2019s condition, and faith that God would somehow get us through this. The armor wasn\u2019t without its holes. It\u2019s hard to wear armor when you haven\u2019t slept. And sometimes you don\u2019t put it on when you don\u2019t think you\u2019ll need it.<\/p>\n

But when I did wear it, it made world of difference.<\/p>\n

How Do You Show Special Needs Acceptance Instead of Judgement?<\/h3>\n

Have you experienced special needs unacceptance? Have you ever caught yourself judging rather than showing special needs acceptance? Share your true confessions and lessons in the comment box.<\/p>\n

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.<\/em><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ background_color=”#b4dbc0″ custom_padding=”20px|20px|20px|20px|false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_blurb title=”@ET-DC@eyJkeW5hbWljIjp0cnVlLCJjb250ZW50IjoicG9zdF9hdXRob3IiLCJzZXR0aW5ncyI6eyJiZWZvcmUiOiJCeSAiLCJhZnRlciI6IiIsIm5hbWVfZm9ybWF0IjoiZGlzcGxheV9uYW1lIiwibGluayI6Im9uIiwibGlua19kZXN0aW5hdGlvbiI6ImF1dGhvcl9hcmNoaXZlIn19@” image=”http:\/\/differentdream.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/DSC-3339.jpg” icon_placement=”left” image_max_width=”100px” content_max_width=”800px” _builder_version=”4.10.5″ _dynamic_attributes=”title” header_font=”Rubik|500|||||||” header_text_color=”#44465f” header_font_size=”14px” header_line_height=”32px” body_font=”Rubik||||||||” body_text_color=”rgba(0,6,69,0.6)” body_link_text_color=”#ffffff” custom_css_main_element=”font-weight: 400;” border_radii_image=”on|100px|100px|100px|100px” border_color_all_image=”#ffffff” box_shadow_style_image=”preset1″ box_shadow_vertical_image=”20px” box_shadow_blur_image=”40px” box_shadow_color_image=”rgba(68,70,95,0.27)” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”]

Maggi is a wife and mother of two daughters. She is a primary school teacher, having worked in Africa for 14 years before moving to the Middle East. Her passions are her animals and art. Her youngest daughter was born with<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>tracheoesophageal fistula (TEF)<\/a>. This birth condition was to be the start of an arduous journey, impacting the whole family for several years. Through writing, she hopes to turn her experiences into encouragement for others on similar paths.<\/span><\/p>[\/et_pb_blurb][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_comments _builder_version=”4.4.2″ custom_button=”on” button_text_color=”#42313A” button_bg_color=”#EBDCB2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_comments][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_sidebar _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_sidebar][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.9.2″ use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”#42313A” background_color_gradient_end=”#EBDCB2″ background_color_gradient_direction=”159deg” custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” border_width_all=”3px” border_color_all=”#1c1259″ saved_tabs=”all” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_2,1_2″ use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”1″ _builder_version=”4.9.2″ width=”100%” max_width=”100%” custom_margin=”||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”25px|0px|5px|0px|false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ module_class=”horizontal_optin_column_1″ _builder_version=”4.3.4″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_text_align=”right” header_text_color=”#45107a” header_3_font=”Dancing Script|700|||||||” header_3_text_align=”center” header_3_text_color=”#B4DBC0″ header_3_font_size=”45px” custom_margin=”10px||||false|false” custom_padding=”||||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene<\/h3>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”4.3.4″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_signup mailchimp_list=”JolenePhilo|89f719a52b” layout=”bottom_top” first_name_fullwidth=”off” last_name_field=”off” email_fullwidth=”off” module_class=”custom_emailoptin” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ form_field_focus_background_color=”#42313A” background_enable_color=”off” custom_button=”on” button_text_size=”16px” button_text_color=”#42313A” button_bg_color=”#B4DBC0″ button_border_width=”2px” button_border_radius=”0px” button_font=”|||on|||||” button_use_icon=”off” button_custom_margin=”5px||||false|false” button_custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” border_width_all_fields=”2px” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_signup][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ custom_padding=”0px|||||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_font=”EB Garamond|600|||||||” header_text_color=”#B6452C” header_font_size=”50px” header_text_shadow_style=”preset1″ global_colors_info=”{}”]

Related Posts<\/h1>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_blog fullwidth=”off” posts_number=”3″ include_categories=”current” show_more=”on” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_text_color=”#42313A” meta_font=”||on||||||” read_more_font=”|||on|||||” read_more_text_color=”#B6452C” read_more_font_size=”12px” pagination_text_color=”#B6452C” pagination_font_size=”20px” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_blog][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Special needs acceptance isn’t easy to give or get. Maggi Gale tells how she failed to show special needs acceptance though she craved it for her child.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10888,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"\"special<\/a>Special needs acceptance isn't always easy to come by, as parents of kids with special needs know. Guest blogger Maggie Gale<\/a> is here to describe her epic fail at offering special needs acceptance to a mother she glimpsed during her daughter's hospital visit.<\/em>\n

Special Needs Acceptance, Not Judgement<\/h3>\nI noticed her as we entered the hospital. It was her determined cheerfulness that struck me, merrily chatting to her son as they paraded down the corridor. Then I spotted that he was on a tricycle. It had a tall flag attached by which she guided him. My first thought \u2013 although I\u2019m ashamed of it now\u2013was that he was indulged. Why allow your son to ride a tricycle inside the hospital? After all he looked to be about 4 years old.\n\nI was new to this world of special needs parenting.\n\nIt happened when we were called into a room for my daughter\u2019s height and weight to be checked at the same time as the lady. Behind averted eyes I couldn\u2019t help but notice as she carefully lifted her son out of his tricycle. To my shock I saw he was unable to walk or stand.\n\nHow quick I had been to judge, to privately label this boy as \u201cindulged.\u201d With people like me around, no wonder the lady had developed her attitude of determined cheerfulness and deliberate focus on her son, seemingly blocking out the rest of the world.\n\nAlthough I never saw her again, I was to think of this lady many times over the coming years. What had she experienced? Could it be that the purposeful attitude had become her suit of armor from misunderstandings and insensitive remarks?\n\nMy daughter\u2019s condition was to be misunderstood on many occasions. Since EA\/TEF<\/a> affects only one in 3500 babies, most people we knew were unaware of it. And some of the comments we were to receive over the next years would shoot like darts to my heart until it bled.\n\nThey ranged from well-meant but foolish medical advice, through rude comments about her distinctive cough, to judgmental statements about her swallowing difficulties. There were also the looks between other mothers which said, \u201cIs this a case of Munchausen syndrome<\/a> by proxy?\u201d when my explanations weren\u2019t accepted.\n\nWas it actually my responsibility to prove that Lois had EA\/TEF? <\/em>\nIf people didn\u2019t understand, did it matter? <\/em>\nHow could I be thick skinned enough to shrug off the ignorant comment, without shrugging off the person who made the comment?<\/em>\n\nAnd why did these darts hit me at the most unexpected times? At a farewell party in front of 20 of my husband\u2019s colleagues, at a children\u2019s birthday party, by the beach\u2026so many casual but insensitive remarks brought me to tears.\n\nSo I developed my own suit of armor, my own purposeful attitude and deliberate focus. My armor was knowledge about my daughter\u2019s condition, and faith that God would somehow get us through this. The armor wasn\u2019t without its holes. It\u2019s hard to wear armor when you haven\u2019t slept. And sometimes you don\u2019t put it on when you don\u2019t think you\u2019ll need it.\n\nBut when I did wear it, it made world of difference.\n

How Do You Show Special Needs Acceptance Instead of Judgement?<\/h3>\nHave you experienced special needs unacceptance? Have you ever caught yourself judging rather than showing special needs acceptance? Share your true confessions and lessons in the comment box.\n\nDo you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.<\/em>","_et_gb_content_width":"2880","footnotes":""},"categories":[3559,3574,3561],"tags":[3826,3946,3947],"class_list":["post-10887","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-different-dream","category-self-care-and-stress","category-special-needs-parenting","tag-ea-tef","tag-muchausen-syndromeal-fistula","tag-tracheo-esophage"],"yoast_head":"\nSpecial Needs Acceptance, Not Judgement<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Special needs acceptance isn't easy to give or get. 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