{"id":10605,"date":"2014-09-24T00:05:45","date_gmt":"2014-09-24T05:05:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/f06.70c.myftpupload.com\/?p=10605"},"modified":"2014-09-24T00:05:45","modified_gmt":"2014-09-24T05:05:45","slug":"the-special-needs-answers-to-how-are-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jolenephilo.com\/staging\/the-special-needs-answers-to-how-are-you\/","title":{"rendered":"Special Needs Answers to “How Are You?”"},"content":{"rendered":"\n[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_fullwidth_post_title featured_image=”off” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ title_font=”||||||||” title_text_color=”#42313A” title_font_size=”40px” meta_font_size=”14px” background_color=”#B4DBC0″ custom_padding=”50px||50px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_fullwidth_post_title][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ specialty=”on” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ custom_padding=”0px||0px|||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”3_4″ specialty_columns=”3″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_image src=”@ET-DC@eyJkeW5hbWljIjp0cnVlLCJjb250ZW50IjoicG9zdF9mZWF0dXJlZF9pbWFnZSIsInNldHRpbmdzIjp7fX0=@” align=”center” _builder_version=”4.4.3″ _dynamic_attributes=”src” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.10.5″ global_colors_info=”{}”]

Photo Credit: stock photos at www.freedigitalphotos.net<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Guest blogger Maggi Gale knows that responding to pleasantries like “How are you?” can be a minefield for parents of kids with special needs. In today’s post, she offers advice to friends who glibly ask that question, among others, of parents dealing with a child’s special needs diagnosis.<\/em><\/p>\n

The Special Needs Answers<\/h3>\n

“How are you?”<\/p>\n

“Fine thanks, and you?”<\/p>\n

“Fine!”<\/p>\n

How I hated those superficial run-ins at the supermarket.<\/p>\n

Hidden Special Needs Answers<\/h4>\n

Do you really want to know how I am?<\/em><\/p>\n

Scared<\/em>. Will my daughter ever come out of this cycle of sickness, brief recovery, followed by more sickness?<\/p>\n

Tired<\/em>. I lie down exhausted, tense, waiting for the night cough. And it comes. I long for rest as a thirsty person longs for a drink of cool water.<\/p>\n

Confused<\/em>. My head feels as fuzzy as the insides of a cushion. I cannot start a thought and follow it through to completion without losing my thread.<\/p>\n

Insightful Special Needs Answers<\/h4>\n

And you? How are you, behind that smile?<\/em><\/p>\n

Worried<\/em>. That I might open up, and you won’t have the right answers. Don’t worry\u2013there aren’t any.<\/p>\n

Uncomfortable<\/em>. Because you don’t know my territory. You don’t need to\u2013no one expects it of you.<\/p>\n

Busy<\/em>. That’s okay\u2013really. But if that’s the case next time, greet me with “Hello” rather than “How are you?” My answers to that question are not for you.<\/p>\n

Sacrificial Special Needs Answers<\/h4>\n

During this time in my life, I was given a friend who would ask me how I was doing, and could handle my answers. She was faithful in calling me. And if I wasn’t doing well, she would just call again the following day. If she thought my view of life was sometimes distorted, she wasn’t afraid to tell me, but mostly, she just listened. She was prepared to walk with me through this bewildering journey, for as long as it took. Her friendship and listening ear gave me so much courage.<\/p>\n

How could another young mum be so sensitive to my pain ? By God’s grace, of course, but also through her own tragedy. She had lost a toddler son through a horrific accident. She could have drowned in grief and self pity after that accident. But instead, through her own suffering, she became more sensitive to the hurts of others.<\/p>\n

God, grant that through our own suffering, we too might become more sensitive to the pain of others. May we become listening, faithful friends to those around us. And may we ask “How are you?” ready to hear the answer, whatever it might be.<\/em><\/p>\n

What Are Your Special Needs Answers?<\/h3>\n

How do you handle situations like the one Maggi describes? Who has been willing to listen to your real answer? We’d love to hear you story in the comment box.<\/p>\n

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.<\/em><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ background_color=”#b4dbc0″ custom_padding=”20px|20px|20px|20px|false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_blurb title=”@ET-DC@eyJkeW5hbWljIjp0cnVlLCJjb250ZW50IjoicG9zdF9hdXRob3IiLCJzZXR0aW5ncyI6eyJiZWZvcmUiOiJCeSAiLCJhZnRlciI6IiIsIm5hbWVfZm9ybWF0IjoiZGlzcGxheV9uYW1lIiwibGluayI6Im9uIiwibGlua19kZXN0aW5hdGlvbiI6ImF1dGhvcl9hcmNoaXZlIn19@” image=”http:\/\/differentdream.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/DSC-3339.jpg” icon_placement=”left” image_max_width=”100px” content_max_width=”800px” _builder_version=”4.10.5″ _dynamic_attributes=”title” header_font=”Rubik|500|||||||” header_text_color=”#44465f” header_font_size=”14px” header_line_height=”32px” body_font=”Rubik||||||||” body_text_color=”rgba(0,6,69,0.6)” body_link_text_color=”#ffffff” custom_css_main_element=”font-weight: 400;” border_radii_image=”on|100px|100px|100px|100px” border_color_all_image=”#ffffff” box_shadow_style_image=”preset1″ box_shadow_vertical_image=”20px” box_shadow_blur_image=”40px” box_shadow_color_image=”rgba(68,70,95,0.27)” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”]

Maggi is a wife and mother of two daughters. She is a primary school teacher, having worked in Africa for 14 years before moving to the Middle East. Her passions are her animals and art. Her youngest daughter was born with<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>tracheoesophageal fistula (TEF)<\/a>. This birth condition was to be the start of an arduous journey, impacting the whole family for several years. Through writing, she hopes to turn her experiences into encouragement for others on similar paths.<\/span><\/p>[\/et_pb_blurb][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_comments _builder_version=”4.4.2″ custom_button=”on” button_text_color=”#42313A” button_bg_color=”#EBDCB2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_comments][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_sidebar _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_sidebar][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.9.2″ use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”#42313A” background_color_gradient_end=”#EBDCB2″ background_color_gradient_direction=”159deg” custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” border_width_all=”3px” border_color_all=”#1c1259″ saved_tabs=”all” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_2,1_2″ use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”1″ _builder_version=”4.9.2″ width=”100%” max_width=”100%” custom_margin=”||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”25px|0px|5px|0px|false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ module_class=”horizontal_optin_column_1″ _builder_version=”4.3.4″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_text_align=”right” header_text_color=”#45107a” header_3_font=”Dancing Script|700|||||||” header_3_text_align=”center” header_3_text_color=”#B4DBC0″ header_3_font_size=”45px” custom_margin=”10px||||false|false” custom_padding=”||||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene<\/h3>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”4.3.4″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_signup mailchimp_list=”JolenePhilo|89f719a52b” layout=”bottom_top” first_name_fullwidth=”off” last_name_field=”off” email_fullwidth=”off” module_class=”custom_emailoptin” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ form_field_focus_background_color=”#42313A” background_enable_color=”off” custom_button=”on” button_text_size=”16px” button_text_color=”#42313A” button_bg_color=”#B4DBC0″ button_border_width=”2px” button_border_radius=”0px” button_font=”|||on|||||” button_use_icon=”off” button_custom_margin=”5px||||false|false” button_custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” border_width_all_fields=”2px” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_signup][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ custom_padding=”0px|||||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_font=”EB Garamond|600|||||||” header_text_color=”#B6452C” header_font_size=”50px” header_text_shadow_style=”preset1″ global_colors_info=”{}”]

Related Posts<\/h1>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_blog fullwidth=”off” posts_number=”3″ include_categories=”current” show_more=”on” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_text_color=”#42313A” meta_font=”||on||||||” read_more_font=”|||on|||||” read_more_text_color=”#B6452C” read_more_font_size=”12px” pagination_text_color=”#B6452C” pagination_font_size=”20px” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_blog][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What are the best special needs answers when a friend glibly asks, “How are you?” Maggie Gale describes where her thinking goes when asked that question.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10606,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"[caption id=\"attachment_10606\" align=\"aligncenter\" width=\"500\"]\"What<\/a> Photo Credit: stock photos at www.freedigitalphotos.net<\/a>[\/caption]\n\nGuest blogger Maggie Gale<\/a> knows that responding to pleasantries like \"How are you?\" can be a minefield for parents of kids with special needs. In today's post, she offers advice to friends who glibly ask that question, among others, of parents dealing with a child's special needs diagnosis.<\/em>\n

The Special Needs Answers<\/h3>\n\"How are you?\"\n\n\"Fine thanks, and you?\"\n\n\"Fine!\"\n\nHow I hated those superficial run-ins at the supermarket.\n

Hidden Special Needs Answers<\/h4>\nDo you really want to know how I am?<\/em>\n\nScared<\/em>. Will my daughter ever come out of this cycle of sickness, brief recovery, followed by more sickness?\n\nTired<\/em>. I lie down exhausted, tense, waiting for the night cough. And it comes. I long for rest as a thirsty person longs for a drink of cool water.\n\nConfused<\/em>. My head feels as fuzzy as the insides of a cushion. I cannot start a thought and follow it through to completion without losing my thread.\n

Insightful Special Needs Answers<\/h4>\nAnd you? How are you, behind that smile?<\/em>\n\nWorried<\/em>. That I might open up, and you won't have the right answers. Don't worry\u2013there aren't any.\n\nUncomfortable<\/em>. Because you don't know my territory. You don't need to\u2013no one expects it of you.\n\nBusy<\/em>. That's okay\u2013really. But if that's the case next time, greet me with \"Hello\" rather than \"How are you?\" My answers to that question are not for you.\n

Sacrificial Special Needs Answers<\/h4>\nDuring this time in my life, I was given a friend who would ask me how I was doing, and could handle my answers. She was faithful in calling me. And if I wasn't doing well, she would just call again the following day. If she thought my view of life was sometimes distorted, she wasn't afraid to tell me, but mostly, she just listened. She was prepared to walk with me through this bewildering journey, for as long as it took. Her friendship and listening ear gave me so much courage.\n\nHow could another young mum be so sensitive to my pain ? By God's grace, of course, but also through her own tragedy. She had lost a toddler son through a horrific accident. She could have drowned in grief and self pity after that accident. But instead, through her own suffering, she became more sensitive to the hurts of others.\n\nGod, grant that through our own suffering, we too might become more sensitive to the pain of others. May we become listening, faithful friends to those around us. And may we ask \"How are you?\" ready to hear the answer, whatever it might be.<\/em>\n

What Are Your Special Needs Answers?<\/h3>\nHow do you handle situations like the one Maggie describes? Who has been willing to listen to your real answer? We'd love to hear you story in the comment box.\n\nDo you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.<\/em>","_et_gb_content_width":"2880","footnotes":""},"categories":[3559,3581,3583],"tags":[452,533,3909,3877],"class_list":["post-10605","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-different-dream","category-grief","category-spiritual-support","tag-friendship","tag-grief","tag-listening","tag-maggie-gale"],"yoast_head":"\nSpecial Needs Answers to "How Are You?"<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What are the best special needs answers when a friend glibly asks, "How are you?" 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