{"id":10536,"date":"2014-07-30T00:05:24","date_gmt":"2014-07-30T05:05:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/f06.70c.myftpupload.com\/?p=10536"},"modified":"2014-07-30T00:05:24","modified_gmt":"2014-07-30T05:05:24","slug":"special-needs-parent-guilt-lets-talk-about-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jolenephilo.com\/staging\/special-needs-parent-guilt-lets-talk-about-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Special Needs Parent Guilt: Let’s Talk About It"},"content":{"rendered":"\n[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_fullwidth_post_title featured_image=”off” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ title_font=”||||||||” title_text_color=”#42313A” title_font_size=”40px” meta_font_size=”14px” background_color=”#B4DBC0″ custom_padding=”50px||50px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_fullwidth_post_title][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ specialty=”on” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ custom_padding=”0px||0px|||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”3_4″ specialty_columns=”3″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_image src=”@ET-DC@eyJkeW5hbWljIjp0cnVlLCJjb250ZW50IjoicG9zdF9mZWF0dXJlZF9pbWFnZSIsInNldHRpbmdzIjp7fX0=@” align=”center” _builder_version=”4.4.3″ _dynamic_attributes=”src” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.10.5″ global_colors_info=”{}”]

Andi Sligh from Bringing in the Sunshine is today’s guest blogger. She’s here to talk about a subject many of us fight daily: special needs parent guilt. She offers six tips for combating its whispers when they rears their ugly heads.<\/em><\/p>\n

Special Needs Parent Guilt: Let’s Talk About It<\/h3>\n

Eleven years ago, when my daughter, Sarah Kate, was born ten weeks premature<\/span><\/a>, I blamed myself. A year later, when she was diagnosed with spastic diplegia cerebral palsy, I blamed myself. Six years after that, when my son, Nathan, was born with Down syndrome<\/span><\/a>, I blamed myself.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not blaming myself anymore.<\/h4>\n

It\u2019s not because I don\u2019t think I could have done things differently, and it\u2019s not because I\u2019ve found someone else to blame. Things could have gone differently, resulting in different outcomes, but they didn\u2019t, and our life as a family with two children with special needs (and no typical ones) is enough.<\/p>\n

Assigning blame is fruitless.<\/h4>\n

All of those times that I wished I\u2019d done this or that (or not done this thing or another) accomplished only one thing: pain and anguish for me, the mother of these wonderful, perfect children. A mom in pain is a mom who can\u2019t give her best to her children.<\/p>\n

Those fleeting moments when I wondered if the ob\/gyn on call should have done something differently, or when I contemplated whether or not those brand-new full-body scanners at the airport were safe when I was (unknowingly) a few days pregnant? A waste of energy and more pain and anguish for me.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t feel guilty about causing your child\u2019s disability.<\/h4>\n

In today\u2019s medically advanced world, we live with a false sense of security, especially when we are young(ish) adults who\u2019ve never faced tragedy or incurable illness. We believe that if we do the right things we\u2019ll be okay, and our kids will be okay. It\u2019s not always true, and often there’s no reason why.<\/p>\n

Speaking of doing the right things \u2026 you\u2019re doing them.<\/h4>\n

The days when you work on the activities that the therapist recommended, and the days that you toss the worksheets aside and let your kid binge on TV or ice cream instead – you\u2019re doing the right thing. The days you push your kid to do more, and the days when you let him slack off because you just can’t deal – you’re doing the right thing.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t feel guilty about not being a 24\/7\/365 therapist.<\/h4>\n

Sarah Kate had major orthopedic surgery<\/a> in the spring, and she still isn\u2019t fully rehabbed. We are using an extensive home program as a supplement to her office therapy visits. One recent Sunday afternoon, we tried to get her to ride her bike. I went with her first, but capitulated when I saw fear and tears. A short while later, my husband – the \u201ctough\u201d one – tried again. He had only marginally more success.<\/p>\n

After a few minutes, he came back inside and said something so simple yet so profound: \u201cWe need to let this go and have her work with the therapist instead. She just isn\u2019t going to be able to do it for us.\u201d I knew instantly that he was right. Our job as her parents is to guide and comfort her and catch her if she falls. Taking on the role of full-time therapists, as well, doesn\u2019t always work.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re feeling guilty today, stop.<\/h4>\n

Whatever you’re doing, and whatever you did, is okay. Take a deep breath and just love your child, and that will be enough.<\/p>\n

How Do You Stop Special Needs Parent Guilt in Its Tracks?<\/h3>\n

Andi offers some excellent advice. But perhaps you’ve discovered some other ways to keep it at bay. Leave a comment if you do. You can also connect with Andi online to keep up with her family and their adventures.<\/p>\n

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.<\/em><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ background_color=”#b4dbc0″ custom_padding=”20px|20px|20px|20px|false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_blurb title=”@ET-DC@eyJkeW5hbWljIjp0cnVlLCJjb250ZW50IjoicG9zdF9hdXRob3IiLCJzZXR0aW5ncyI6eyJiZWZvcmUiOiJCeSAiLCJhZnRlciI6IiIsIm5hbWVfZm9ybWF0IjoiZGlzcGxheV9uYW1lIiwibGluayI6Im9uIiwibGlua19kZXN0aW5hdGlvbiI6ImF1dGhvcl9hcmNoaXZlIn19@” image=”http:\/\/differentdream.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/6452ea04f536bb9aef23e92fc14b0c90-1.jpeg” icon_placement=”left” image_max_width=”100px” content_max_width=”800px” _builder_version=”4.10.5″ _dynamic_attributes=”title” header_font=”Rubik|500|||||||” header_text_color=”#44465f” header_font_size=”14px” header_line_height=”32px” body_font=”Rubik||||||||” body_text_color=”rgba(0,6,69,0.6)” body_link_text_color=”#ffffff” hover_enabled=”0″ custom_css_main_element=”font-weight: 400;” border_radii_image=”on|100px|100px|100px|100px” border_color_all_image=”#ffffff” box_shadow_style_image=”preset1″ box_shadow_vertical_image=”20px” box_shadow_blur_image=”40px” box_shadow_color_image=”rgba(68,70,95,0.27)” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}” title_text=”Andi Sligh” sticky_enabled=”0″]

Andi Sligh is an ordinary mom living an extraordinary life on the gulf coast of Alabama with a daughter with cerebral palsy, a son with Down syndrome, an adventurous husband, a wild Westie, a rescued Schnoodle, a camera, and a worn out pair of running shoes. She blogs it all at Bringing the Sunshine<\/a>, tweets a little @AndiSligh<\/a> and recently published There’s Sunshine Behind the Clouds: Surviving the Early Years as a Special Needs Mom<\/a><\/em>, a free ebook for parents at the beginning of their special needs journey.<\/p>[\/et_pb_blurb][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_comments _builder_version=”4.4.2″ custom_button=”on” button_text_color=”#42313A” button_bg_color=”#EBDCB2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_comments][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_sidebar _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_sidebar][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.9.2″ use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”#42313A” background_color_gradient_end=”#EBDCB2″ background_color_gradient_direction=”159deg” custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” border_width_all=”3px” border_color_all=”#1c1259″ saved_tabs=”all” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_2,1_2″ use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”1″ _builder_version=”4.9.2″ width=”100%” max_width=”100%” custom_margin=”||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”25px|0px|5px|0px|false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ module_class=”horizontal_optin_column_1″ _builder_version=”4.3.4″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_text_align=”right” header_text_color=”#45107a” header_3_font=”Dancing Script|700|||||||” header_3_text_align=”center” header_3_text_color=”#B4DBC0″ header_3_font_size=”45px” custom_margin=”10px||||false|false” custom_padding=”||||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]

Subscribe for Updates from Jolene<\/h3>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”4.3.4″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_signup mailchimp_list=”JolenePhilo|89f719a52b” layout=”bottom_top” first_name_fullwidth=”off” last_name_field=”off” email_fullwidth=”off” module_class=”custom_emailoptin” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ form_field_focus_background_color=”#42313A” background_enable_color=”off” custom_button=”on” button_text_size=”16px” button_text_color=”#42313A” button_bg_color=”#B4DBC0″ button_border_width=”2px” button_border_radius=”0px” button_font=”|||on|||||” button_use_icon=”off” button_custom_margin=”5px||||false|false” button_custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” border_width_all_fields=”2px” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_signup][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ custom_padding=”0px|||||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_font=”EB Garamond|600|||||||” header_text_color=”#B6452C” header_font_size=”50px” header_text_shadow_style=”preset1″ global_colors_info=”{}”]

Related Posts<\/h1>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_blog fullwidth=”off” posts_number=”3″ include_categories=”current” show_more=”on” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_text_color=”#42313A” meta_font=”||on||||||” read_more_font=”|||on|||||” read_more_text_color=”#B6452C” read_more_font_size=”12px” pagination_text_color=”#B6452C” pagination_font_size=”20px” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_blog][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Special needs parent guilt is an all too familiar companion to many moms & dads. Guest blogger Andi Sligh has 6 ways to combat special needs parent guilt.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10537,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"\"Special<\/a>\n\nAndi Sligh from Bringing in the Sunshine is today's guest blogger. She's here to talk about a subject many of us fight daily: special needs parent guilt. She offers six tips for combating its whispers when they rears their ugly heads.<\/em>\n

Special Needs Parent Guilt: Let's Talk About It<\/h3>\nEleven years ago, when my daughter, Sarah Kate, was born ten weeks premature<\/a>, I blamed myself. A year later, when she was diagnosed with spastic diplegia cerebral palsy, I blamed myself. Six years after that, when my son, Nathan, was born with Down syndrome<\/a>, I blamed myself.\n

I\u2019m not blaming myself anymore.<\/h4>\nIt\u2019s not because I don\u2019t think I could have done things differently, and it\u2019s not because I\u2019ve found someone else to blame. Things could have gone differently, resulting in different outcomes, but they didn\u2019t, and our life as a family with two children with special needs (and no typical ones) is enough.\n

Assigning blame is fruitless.<\/h4>\nAll of those times that I wished I\u2019d done this or that (or not done this thing or another) accomplished only one thing: pain and anguish for me, the mother of these wonderful, perfect children. A mom in pain is a mom who can\u2019t give her best to her children.\n\nThose fleeting moments when I wondered if the ob\/gyn on call should have done something differently, or when I contemplated whether or not those brand-new full-body scanners at the airport were safe when I was (unknowingly) a few days pregnant? A waste of energy and more pain and anguish for me.\n

Don\u2019t feel guilty about causing your child\u2019s disability.<\/h4>\nIn today\u2019s medically advanced world, we live with a false sense of security, especially when we are young(ish) adults who\u2019ve never faced tragedy or incurable illness. We believe that if we do the right things we\u2019ll be okay, and our kids will be okay. It\u2019s not always true, and often there's no reason why.\n

Speaking of doing the right things \u2026 you\u2019re doing them.<\/h4>\nThe days when you work on the activities that the therapist recommended, and the days that you toss the worksheets aside and let your kid binge on TV or ice cream instead - you\u2019re doing the right thing. The days you push your kid to do more, and the days when you let him slack off because you just can't deal - you're doing the right thing.\n

Don\u2019t feel guilty about not being a 24\/7\/365 therapist.<\/h4>\nSarah Kate had major orthopedic surgery<\/a> in the spring, and she still isn\u2019t fully rehabbed. We are using an extensive home program as a supplement to her office therapy visits. One recent Sunday afternoon, we tried to get her to ride her bike. I went with her first, but capitulated when I saw fear and tears. A short while later, my husband - the \u201ctough\u201d one - tried again. He had only marginally more success.\n\nAfter a few minutes, he came back inside and said something so simple yet so profound: \u201cWe need to let this go and have her work with the therapist instead. She just isn\u2019t going to be able to do it for us.\u201d I knew instantly that he was right. Our job as her parents is to guide and comfort her and catch her if she falls. Taking on the role of full-time therapists, as well, doesn\u2019t always work.\n

If you\u2019re feeling guilty today, stop.<\/h4>\nWhatever you're doing, and whatever you did, is okay. Take a deep breath and just love your child, and that will be enough.\n

How Do You Stop Special Needs Parent Guilt in Its Tracks?<\/h3>\nAndi offers some excellent advice. But perhaps you've discovered some other ways to keep it at bay. Leave a comment if you do. You can also connect with Andi online to keep up with her family and their adventures.\n\n\"AndiAndi Sligh is an ordinary mom living an extraordinary life on the gulf coast of Alabama with a daughter with cerebral palsy, a son with Down syndrome, an adventurous husband, a wild Westie, a rescued Schnoodle, a camera, and a worn out pair of running shoes. She blogs it all at Bringing the Sunshine<\/a>, tweets a little @AndiSligh<\/a> and recently published There's Sunshine Behind the Clouds: Surviving the Early Years as a Special Needs Mom<\/a><\/em>, a free ebook for parents at the beginning of their special needs journey.\n\nDo you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.<\/em>","_et_gb_content_width":"2880","footnotes":""},"categories":[3559,3567,3561],"tags":[3898,3899,3856,348,541],"class_list":["post-10536","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-different-dream","category-how-tos","category-special-needs-parenting","tag-andi-sligh","tag-bringing-in-the-sunshine","tag-cerebral-palsy","tag-down-syndrome","tag-guilt"],"yoast_head":"\nSpecial Needs Parent Guilt: Let's Talk About It<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Special needs parent guilt is an all too familiar companion to many moms & dads. 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