Anniversaries of Life and Loss:
It\u2019s Okay to Feel a Little Sad<\/h3>\n
Abbey just had a birthday. I can\u2019t believe she\u2019s twelve years old! It feels like just yesterday that she came. That\u2019s what happens when memories are strong and vivid. They were mostly painful memories, and it wasn\u2019t until about two weeks after she was born that I let my heart finally rejoice that I had a little girl. We’d been told a few hours after she was born that there was a good chance she would not survive her traumatic delivery at all.<\/p>\n
She truly is a miracle.<\/p>\n
A couple of months after we brought her home I started seeing a counselor. I was having horrible nightmares on a very regular basis. If I let myself go to sleep, I would wake up drenched in sweat with a rapid heart rate and having just watched my daughter being resuscitated in my sleep. The paleness of her face, and the sound of her labored efforts to breathe are seared into my mind forever.<\/p>\n
I was diagnosed shortly afterward with post-traumatic stress disorder<\/a> (PTSD)<\/span>.<\/p>\n I thought that PTSD was something that only soldiers got from being in war. I didn\u2019t even know what it was. When the counselor went down the list of symptoms, I had every single one. I was completely shocked. I didn\u2019t tell anyone except for my husband for years. I don\u2019t know why… I think I thought I should have been able to handle it?<\/p>\n She did live, after all, so what was my problem?<\/p>\n Time is a great revealer, and now I know exactly what my problem was. I\u2019m happy to say that only once in a great while do I have those kinds of nightmares. I know the triggers and when stress starts to build, I have tools to help me cope.<\/p>\n But in the meantime, many birthdays have come.<\/p>\n Blowing out the birthday candles is a celebration of Abbey\u2019s life. All day long we look at her and each other and thank God for her. I think of all the miracles that have happened in her life and body throughout the years, and I\u2019m so humbled by God\u2019s goodness to teach us how to be her parents and how to grieve the loss of the dream of a healthy baby. Like this website and Jolene\u2019s books<\/a><\/span> share, we found the beauty of new and different dreams for Abbey and for ourselves.<\/p>\n Her birthday is an anniversary.<\/p>\n It is an anniversary of her life. We spend about 98% of our day in complete gratitude and unfiltered joy. But for about 2%, when we are finally alone, my husband and I just hold each other and often cry. It\u2019s okay to acknowledge that her birth was also a loss. Our pain does not go unnoticed by God, and anyone who has been through something even remotely similar knows what I\u2019m talking about. Our greatest joy holds hands with our greatest trial.<\/p>\n It\u2019s okay to be a little sad too.<\/p>\n Have you had an experience similar to Kimberly’s? Leave a comment about how you’ve learned to cope with your grief and\/or PTSD? Or do you have questions about how to find help? Leave those comments, too. Kimberly and Jolene will try to answer them or point you to resources.<\/p>\n Part 1<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.<\/em><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ background_color=”#b4dbc0″ custom_padding=”20px|20px|20px|20px|false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_blurb title=”@ET-DC@eyJkeW5hbWljIjp0cnVlLCJjb250ZW50IjoicG9zdF9hdXRob3IiLCJzZXR0aW5ncyI6eyJiZWZvcmUiOiJCeSAiLCJhZnRlciI6IiIsIm5hbWVfZm9ybWF0IjoiZGlzcGxheV9uYW1lIiwibGluayI6Im9uIiwibGlua19kZXN0aW5hdGlvbiI6ImF1dGhvcl9hcmNoaXZlIn19@” image=”http:\/\/differentdream.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Kimberly-Drew.jpg” icon_placement=”left” image_max_width=”100px” content_max_width=”800px” _builder_version=”4.10.5″ _dynamic_attributes=”title” header_font=”Rubik|500|||||||” header_text_color=”#44465f” header_font_size=”14px” header_line_height=”32px” body_font=”Rubik||||||||” body_text_color=”rgba(0,6,69,0.6)” body_link_text_color=”#ffffff” custom_css_main_element=”font-weight: 400;” border_radii_image=”on|100px|100px|100px|100px” border_color_all_image=”#ffffff” box_shadow_style_image=”preset1″ box_shadow_vertical_image=”20px” box_shadow_blur_image=”40px” box_shadow_color_image=”rgba(68,70,95,0.27)” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n –Kimberly grew up and went to college in the small town of Upland, IN. She graduated from Taylor University with a degree in Elementary Education in 2002. While at TU, she married her college sweetheart and so began their adventure! Ryan and Kimberly have four amazing kids on earth (Abigail, Jayden, Ellie, and Cooper), and a baby boy waiting for them in heaven. Their daughter Abigail (Abbey) has multiple disabilities including cerebral palsy, a seizure disorder, hearing loss, microcephaly, and oral dysphagia. She is the inspiration behind Kimberly\u2019s desire to write. In addition to being a stay-at-home mom, Kimberly has been serving alongside her husband in full time youth ministry for almost fourteen years. She enjoys working with the senior high girls, scrapbooking, reading, and music. You can visit Kimberly at her website,\u00a0<\/span>Promises and Perspective<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_blurb][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_comments _builder_version=”4.4.2″ custom_button=”on” button_text_color=”#42313A” button_bg_color=”#EBDCB2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_comments][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_sidebar _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_sidebar][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.9.2″ use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”#42313A” background_color_gradient_end=”#EBDCB2″ background_color_gradient_direction=”159deg” custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” border_width_all=”3px” border_color_all=”#1c1259″ saved_tabs=”all” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_2,1_2″ use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”1″ _builder_version=”4.9.2″ width=”100%” max_width=”100%” custom_margin=”||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”25px|0px|5px|0px|false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ module_class=”horizontal_optin_column_1″ _builder_version=”4.3.4″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_text_align=”right” header_text_color=”#45107a” header_3_font=”Dancing Script|700|||||||” header_3_text_align=”center” header_3_text_color=”#B4DBC0″ header_3_font_size=”45px” custom_margin=”10px||||false|false” custom_padding=”||||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”4.3.4″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_signup mailchimp_list=”JolenePhilo|89f719a52b” layout=”bottom_top” first_name_fullwidth=”off” last_name_field=”off” email_fullwidth=”off” module_class=”custom_emailoptin” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ form_field_focus_background_color=”#42313A” background_enable_color=”off” custom_button=”on” button_text_size=”16px” button_text_color=”#42313A” button_bg_color=”#B4DBC0″ button_border_width=”2px” button_border_radius=”0px” button_font=”|||on|||||” button_use_icon=”off” button_custom_margin=”5px||||false|false” button_custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” border_width_all_fields=”2px” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_signup][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ custom_padding=”0px|||||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_font=”EB Garamond|600|||||||” header_text_color=”#B6452C” header_font_size=”50px” header_text_shadow_style=”preset1″ global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_blog fullwidth=”off” posts_number=”3″ include_categories=”current” show_more=”on” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_text_color=”#42313A” meta_font=”||on||||||” read_more_font=”|||on|||||” read_more_text_color=”#B6452C” read_more_font_size=”12px” pagination_text_color=”#B6452C” pagination_font_size=”20px” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_blog][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Guest blogger Kimberly Drew explains how she was diagnosed with & treated for PTSD after the birth of her daughter to help her deal with special needs loss.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10161,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"How About You?<\/h3>\n
Subscribe for Updates from Jolene<\/h3>\n
Related Posts<\/h1>\n
![\"Guest](\"http:\/\/differentdream.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/ID-100186777.jpg\")
<\/a>\n\nGuest blogger Kimberly Drew<\/a> and her family recently celebrated daughter Abbey's birthday. In Part 1<\/a> of her series about anniversaries of special needs loss and life, Kimberly described the arrival of their daughter. Today she explains how she learned to cope with the memories of Abbey's birth and when it's okay to grieve.<\/em>\nAnniversaries of Life and Loss:\nIt\u2019s Okay to Feel a Little Sad<\/h3>\nAbbey just had a birthday. I can\u2019t believe she\u2019s twelve years old! It feels like just yesterday that she came. That\u2019s what happens when memories are strong and vivid. They were mostly painful memories, and it wasn\u2019t until about two weeks after she was born that I let my heart finally rejoice that I had a little girl. We'd been told a few hours after she was born that there was a good chance she would not survive her traumatic delivery at all.\n\nShe truly is a miracle.\n\nA couple of months after we brought her home I started seeing a counselor. I was having horrible nightmares on a very regular basis. If I let myself go to sleep, I would wake up drenched in sweat with a rapid heart rate and having just watched my daughter being resuscitated in my sleep. The paleness of her face, and the sound of her labored efforts to breath are seared into my mind forever.\n\nI was diagnosed shortly afterward with post-traumatic stress disorder<\/a> (PTSD).\n\nI thought that PTSD was something that only soldiers got from being in war. I didn\u2019t even know what it was. When the counselor went down the list of symptoms, I had every single one. I was completely shocked. I didn\u2019t tell anyone except for my husband for years. I don\u2019t know why..I think I thought I should have been able to handle it?\n\nShe did live, after all, so what was my problem?\n\nTime is a great revealer, and now I know exactly what my problem was. I\u2019m happy to say that only once in a great while do I have those kinds of nightmares. I know the triggers and when stress starts to build, I have tools to help me cope.\n\nBut in the meantime, many birthdays have come.\n\nBlowing out the birthday candles is a celebration of Abbey\u2019s life. All day long we look at her and each other and thank God for her. I think of all the miracles that have happened in her life and body throughout the years, and I\u2019m so humbled by God\u2019s goodness to teach us how to be her parents and how to grieve the loss of the dream of a healthy baby. Like this website and Jolene\u2019s books<\/a> share, we found the beauty of new and different dreams for Abbey and for ourselves.\n\nHer birthday is an anniversary.\n\nIt is an anniversary of her life. We spend about 98% of our day in complete gratitude and unfiltered joy. But for about 2%, when we are finally alone, my husband and I just hold each other and often cry. It\u2019s okay to acknowledge that her birth was also a loss. Our pain does not go unnoticed by God, and anyone who has been through something even remotely similar knows what I\u2019m talking about. Our greatest joy holds hands with our greatest trial.\n\nIt\u2019s okay to be a little sad too.\n
How About You?<\/h3>\nHave you had an experience similar to Kimberly's? Leave a comment about how you've learned to cope with your grief and\/or PTSD? Or do you have questions about how to find help? Leave those comments, too. Kimberly and Jolene will try to answer them or point you to resources.\n\nPart 1<\/a>\n\nDo you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.<\/em>","_et_gb_content_width":"2880","footnotes":""},"categories":[3559,3581,3583],"tags":[533,3705,3791,735,969],"class_list":["post-10160","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-different-dream","category-grief","category-spiritual-support","tag-grief","tag-guest-blogger","tag-kimberly-drew","tag-loss","tag-ptsd"],"yoast_head":"\n