Have you ever wondered if children experience grief about their special needs? Today’s guest blogger, Maggi Gale<\/a>, has an astounding post about her three-year-old daughter’s need to grieve the scars caused by her very early corrective surgery (She was born with EA\/TEF<\/a><\/span>). Grab a tissue and prepare for a fascinating read!<\/em><\/p>\n My two daughters, Phoebe and Lois, were sitting to the table eating their dinner. Lois, 3-years-old, was wearing a halter top; the less clothes the better in tropical Africa! She suddenly stretched up her right arm and felt her scar with her left hand. We had always been amazed at how clever the surgeon had been to cut under her arm and operate on her esophagus from there. It was a neat, but nevertheless, big scar.<\/p>\n Suddenly 3 years of pent-up frustration and pain welled up as Lois sobbed, \u201cWhy am I not like Phoebe?\u201d\u00a0 As I scooped her up and held her, she poured out her heart. Her sobs came from deep within. Despite the fact that we never mentioned her scar, it was there, and unbeknownst to us, she associated it with her health problems, and the ways in which she felt different. Instinctively I knew it was crucial that she express herself, and that I acknowledge what she was trying to say through her limited vocabulary.<\/p>\n Yes, she was different. <\/em> We are all different, but she certainly had struggles that most children didn\u2019t have. As she lay down to sleep that night, I smiled as she told herself these truths again: We\u2019re all different and it\u2019s okay.<\/em><\/p>\n A few days later a friend gave me a book\u2013I\u2019m Special<\/em><\/a><\/span> by Jen Green which is based on the same idea.\u00a0 She drank in the words and the thoughts behind them. The book is still on her shelf to this day.<\/p>\n Months later, an educational psychologist pointed out that Lois had needed to grieve. She sensed loss in what she saw that others had, but she didn\u2019t have: an ability to swallow easily and sturdy enough health to attend a preschool\u2013even if she could not identify exactly what it was. It would never have helped her to be told that others were worse off, or to in any way to belittle her sense of loss. It needed to be acknowledged in order for her to deal with it.<\/p>\n Fast forward just five years, and I realized that we\u2019d actually we\u2019d moved on light years. Lois had been swimming at her friend Ali\u2019s house.\u00a0 In the car on the way home she said, \u201cMummy, Ali has scars on his body.\u201d She went on to describe the scars on his torso.<\/p>\n \u201cOh\u201d, I replied \u201cDid you show him your scar?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat scar?\u201d she asked in surprise.\u00a0 I gripped the steering wheel as tears welled up in my eyes.\u00a0 My daughter wasn\u2019t even aware of her scar!<\/p>\n Looking back, I\u2019m astounded at how much she perceived about herself, and the depth of her feelings, at the age of 3. So\u2026don\u2019t be fooled by your children\u2019s lack of vocabulary\u2013listen to their hearts and you might be surprised by what you hear! I know I was.<\/p>\n Thank you, Maggie for sharing Lois’s story and your ideas for supporting a grieving child. Have your children had a similar experience? What helped them cope with their grief? Leave a comment!<\/p>\n Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.<\/em><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ background_color=”#b4dbc0″ custom_padding=”20px|20px|20px|20px|false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_blurb title=”@ET-DC@eyJkeW5hbWljIjp0cnVlLCJjb250ZW50IjoicG9zdF9hdXRob3IiLCJzZXR0aW5ncyI6eyJiZWZvcmUiOiJCeSAiLCJhZnRlciI6IiIsIm5hbWVfZm9ybWF0IjoiZGlzcGxheV9uYW1lIiwibGluayI6Im9uIiwibGlua19kZXN0aW5hdGlvbiI6ImF1dGhvcl9hcmNoaXZlIn19@” image=”http:\/\/differentdream.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/DSC-3339.jpg” icon_placement=”left” image_max_width=”100px” content_max_width=”800px” _builder_version=”4.10.5″ _dynamic_attributes=”title” header_font=”Rubik|500|||||||” header_text_color=”#44465f” header_font_size=”14px” header_line_height=”32px” body_font=”Rubik||||||||” body_text_color=”rgba(0,6,69,0.6)” body_link_text_color=”#ffffff” custom_css_main_element=”font-weight: 400;” border_radii_image=”on|100px|100px|100px|100px” border_color_all_image=”#ffffff” box_shadow_style_image=”preset1″ box_shadow_vertical_image=”20px” box_shadow_blur_image=”40px” box_shadow_color_image=”rgba(68,70,95,0.27)” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n Maggi is a wife and mother of two daughters. She is a primary school teacher, having worked in Africa for 14 years before moving to the Middle East. Her passions are her animals and art. Her youngest daughter was born with<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>tracheoesophageal fistula (TEF)<\/a>. This birth condition was to be the start of an arduous journey, impacting the whole family for several years. Through writing, she hopes to turn her experiences into encouragement for others on similar paths.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_blurb][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_comments _builder_version=”4.4.2″ custom_button=”on” button_text_color=”#42313A” button_bg_color=”#EBDCB2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_comments][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_sidebar _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_sidebar][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.9.2″ use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”#42313A” background_color_gradient_end=”#EBDCB2″ background_color_gradient_direction=”159deg” custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” border_width_all=”3px” border_color_all=”#1c1259″ saved_tabs=”all” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_2,1_2″ use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”1″ _builder_version=”4.9.2″ width=”100%” max_width=”100%” custom_margin=”||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”25px|0px|5px|0px|false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ module_class=”horizontal_optin_column_1″ _builder_version=”4.3.4″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_text_align=”right” header_text_color=”#45107a” header_3_font=”Dancing Script|700|||||||” header_3_text_align=”center” header_3_text_color=”#B4DBC0″ header_3_font_size=”45px” custom_margin=”10px||||false|false” custom_padding=”||||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”4.3.4″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_signup mailchimp_list=”JolenePhilo|89f719a52b” layout=”bottom_top” first_name_fullwidth=”off” last_name_field=”off” email_fullwidth=”off” module_class=”custom_emailoptin” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ form_field_focus_background_color=”#42313A” background_enable_color=”off” custom_button=”on” button_text_size=”16px” button_text_color=”#42313A” button_bg_color=”#B4DBC0″ button_border_width=”2px” button_border_radius=”0px” button_font=”|||on|||||” button_use_icon=”off” button_custom_margin=”5px||||false|false” button_custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” border_width_all_fields=”2px” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_signup][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ custom_padding=”0px|||||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_font=”EB Garamond|600|||||||” header_text_color=”#B6452C” header_font_size=”50px” header_text_shadow_style=”preset1″ global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.4.2″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_blog fullwidth=”off” posts_number=”3″ include_categories=”current” show_more=”on” _builder_version=”4.4.2″ header_text_color=”#42313A” meta_font=”||on||||||” read_more_font=”|||on|||||” read_more_text_color=”#B6452C” read_more_font_size=”12px” pagination_text_color=”#B6452C” pagination_font_size=”20px” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_blog][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Do young children experience grief about their special needs. Maggi Gale says yes and offers suggestions to help them cope with their grief.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10152,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"[caption id=\"attachment_10152\" align=\"aligncenter\" width=\"325\"]We Are All Different and It’s Okay<\/h3>\n
And no, it wasn\u2019t fair. <\/em>
I agreed that we are all different: I was wearing glasses, other people had trouble walking, some people couldn\u2019t hear\u2026<\/em><\/p>\nHas Your Child Experienced a Similar Grief?<\/h3>\n
Subscribe for Updates from Jolene<\/h3>\n
Related Posts<\/h1>\n
![\"Do](\"http:\/\/differentdream.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/c5bd1c66375f814269c05d5854850d3e.jpg\")
<\/a> Photo Credit: David Castillo Dominici at www.freedigitalphoto.net<\/a>[\/caption]\n\nHave you ever wondered if children experiences grief about their special needs? Today's guest blogger, Maggie Gale<\/a>, has an astounding post about her three-year-old daughter's (born with EA\/TEF<\/a>) need to grieve the scars caused by her very early corrective surgery. Grab a tissue and prepare for a fascinating read!<\/em>\nWe Are All Different and It's Okay<\/h3>\nMy two daughters, Phoebe and Lois, were sitting to the table eating their dinner. Lois, 3-years-old, was wearing a halter top; the less clothes the better in tropical African! She suddenly stretched up her right arm and felt her scar with her left hand. We had always been amazed at how clever the surgeon had been to cut under her arm and operate on her esophagus from there. It was a neat, but nevertheless, big scar.\n\nSuddenly 3 years of pent up frustration and pain welled up as Lois sobbed, \u201cWhy am I not like Phoebe?\u201d\u00a0 As I scooped her up and held her, she poured out her heart. Her sobs came from deep within. Despite the fact that we never mentioned her scar, it was there, and unbeknownst to us, she associated it with her health problems, and the ways in which she felt different. Instinctively, I knew it was crucial that she expressed herself, and to acknowledge what she was trying to say, through her limited vocabulary.\n\nYes, she was different. <\/em>\nAnd no, it wasn\u2019t fair. <\/em>\nI agreed that we are all different: I was wearing glasses, other people had trouble walking, some people couldn\u2019t hear\u2026<\/em>\n\nWe are all different, but she certainly had struggles that most children didn\u2019t have. As she lay down to sleep that night, I smiled as she told herself these truths again: We\u2019re all different and it\u2019s okay.<\/em>\n\nA few days later a friend gave me a book\u2013I\u2019m Special<\/em><\/a> by Jen Green which is based on the same idea.\u00a0 She drank in the words and the thoughts behind them. The book is still on her shelf to this day.\n\nMonths later, an educational psychologist pointed out that Lois had needed to grieve. She sensed loss in what she saw that others had, but she didn\u2019t have: an ability to swallow easily and sturdy enough health to attend a preschool\u2013even if she could not identify exactly what it was. It would never have helped her to be told that others were worse off, or to in any way to belittle her sense of loss. It needed to be acknowledged in order for her to deal with it.\n\nFast forward just five years, and I realized that we\u2019d actually we\u2019d moved on light years. Lois had been swimming at her friend Ali\u2019s house.\u00a0 In the car on the way home she said, \u201cMummy, Ali has scars on his body.\u201d She went on to describe the scars on his torso.\n\n\u201cOh\u201d, I replied \u201cDid you show him your scar?\u201d\n\n\u201cWhat scar?\u201d she asked in surprise.\u00a0 I gripped the steering wheel as tears welled up in my eyes.\u00a0 My daughter wasn\u2019t even aware of her scar!\n\nLooking back, I\u2019m astounded at how much she perceived about herself, and the depth of her feelings, at the age of 3. So\u2026don\u2019t be fooled by your children\u2019s lack of vocabulary\u2013listen to their hearts and you might be surprised by what you hear! I know I was.\n
Has Your Child Experienced a Similar Grief?<\/h3>\nThank you, Maggie for sharing Lois's story and your ideas for supporting a grieving child. Have your children had a similar experience? What helped them cope with their grief? Leave a comment!\n\nDo you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.<\/em>","_et_gb_content_width":"2880","footnotes":""},"categories":[3559,3581,3583],"tags":[3826,533,3705,3859],"class_list":["post-10151","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-different-dream","category-grief","category-spiritual-support","tag-ea-tef","tag-grief","tag-guest-blogger","tag-young-children"],"yoast_head":"\n