by jphilo | Apr 14, 2016 | Three Thoughts for Thursday
- Dear Doe, I hope your spring fawn is adorable. Consider having twins to make up for eating the bark off the trunk of the new tree in our yard.
- Dear Dolly Parton, On the rare occasions I google my first name, the song you recorded in 1973 pops up. It’s haunted me since my senior year in high school. Perhaps we should consider sharing the royalties. Please contact me at your earliest convenience.
- Dear Mother Nature, I would love to see the cherry blossoms this weekend during my trip to DC. Could you arrange it? Your prompt attention to this matter is greatly appreciated.
Need to write a letter to someone? You can leave it in the comment box.
by jphilo | Apr 12, 2016 | Top Ten Tuesday
This weekend I’m traveling to a special needs ministry conference in the DC area. While packing my suitcase, I couldn’t help noticing how its contents have changed over the years. Way back when, it consisted mainly of clothes and shoes, as one would expect. Not so much anymore as this list reveals.
10. Gadget chargers. For Square chip reader, cell phone, computer, and the good camera. Along with the electronic equipment not packed in carry on luggage.
9. A small insulated cooler. With cold packs. Surrounding a tub of fake butter, a bottle of fake milk, and probiotic capsules. Because they must be kept cool at all times.
8. Work out clothes. Tennis shoes, yoga pants, sleeveless shirt, sweatshirt. You get the picture.
7. Exercise equipment. As in a flat bed sheet folded lengthwise over and over and over, secured with rubber bands at both ends and in the middle. For hooking around an ankle while lying on one’s stomach and pulling to stretch a leg toward head. Not a pretty picture, but effective.
6. Composition notebooks. Used for Bible study and prayer journals. With a favorite Zebra pen clipped to the cover.
5. Pillowcase and fitted sheet. As in the allergenic variety to keep the hotel dust mites and bed bugs at bay. (Even though that the 1960s era Weekly Readers or my childhood announced that bed bugs had been eradicated.)
4. A Felix Unger look alike pharmacy. Complete with allergy drops, vitamin and calcium pills, immune booster capsules, allergy pills, empty capsules, oregano oil, and dropper for putting oil in empty capsules. (Disclaimer: I do not yet clear my sinuses with loud “Mwa.” )
3. Paper copies. For hand outs and speaking notes. Along with corresponding electronic documents on a flash drive. Just in case. Because you never know.
2. Book table paraphernalia. Gold tablecloth (purchased for $5 in Walmart clearance aisle), business cards, teddy bear, book stand, newsletter sign up sheets, bookmarks, and lots and lots of books. Which make for a very heavy suitcase.
1. Clothes. A professional outfit or two, shoes and tights to match, along with comfy travel clothes. Minus the pantyhose and slips that thankfully have gone out of style, leaving room for at least a couple more books for the book table.
Any changes in your suitcase over the years? Leave a comment without giving TMI.
by jphilo | Apr 8, 2016 | Out and About
Next week, I’m flying to McLean Bible Church’s Accessibility Summit. That upcoming event combined with mystery novel that’s my current work in progress makes this post from 2011 quite timely five years later. Before you read, you should know that the protagonist of the new series wears sensible shoes and underwear, contains her cellulite, and has absolutely no accent. At least not where I come from.
It Worked for Mrs. Pollifax
I am in Tyson’s Corner, Virginia (just outside Washington DC) for the Accessibility Summit at McLean Bible Church. To be accurate, the Summit begins later today, and I’m hanging out in the hotel business area because a new heater and AC unit is being installed in my room. My theory is that the CIA has hidden cameras in all hotel rooms in these parts, so they decoded my mutterings when the noisy heater woke me repeatedly in the night. Who says our government isn’t responsive?
The longer I sit here and people watch, the more glaringly apparent it becomes that I’m not in Kansas (yes, I live in Iowa, but please work with me) any more. Even though I read plenty of David Baldacci thrillers, Lisa Scottoline legal mysteries, Mrs. Pollifax CIA romps, and other fiction set on the East Coast to prepare me for this culture shock, it didn’t work. This midwestern gal is jaw-droppingly agog at the accents (this morning’s mix included British, Australian, Jersey, New York, and perhaps German), not to mention the fashion show that began in the Chicago airport yesterday and shows no sign of ending any time soon.
The most noticeable fashion statement thus far is the knee high, calf-hugging boots with three inch heels. Sported mostly by younger women who don’t yet realize “Bunion Builders” is the CIA code name for these boots, they look – well – really expensive, uncomfortable, and positively anti-midwestern.
The second most noticeable statement has been skin tight leggings, sometimes worn with bunion builders, sometimes under baggy, flowing shirts, and sometimes with short shirts and presumably thong underwear since no one had unsightly pantie lines. Apparently, fat jiggles are not considered unsightly in this neck of the woods. This is also anti-midwestern. In that part of the country, there are more fat jiggles per capita, but their owners tend to keep them well hidden.
I’m coping with the culture shock as well as can be expected. So far, I’ve resisted the infrequent urges to buy a pair of bunion builders, squeeze into leggings, or purchase thong underwear. Quite a feat of self-control for this midwestern, former school teacher who holds the door open for strangers, wears flat shoes and khaki pants, and knows better than to hug a Lutheran.
Just to be on the safe side, I’m making a list of anyone who looks like they work for the CIA, starting with the guys installing the heater in my hotel room. Once I get back home, I’ll mail it to the agency with an instructive note about how to make their spies blend in a little better, possibly by hiring midwestern women with sensible shoes, contained cellulite, sensible underwear, and absolutely no accent.
It worked for Mrs. Pollifax.
It could work for me.
Ya, shure, you betcha!
by jphilo | Apr 7, 2014 | Out and About
Sorry about the missed post Friday. I was in the DC area for the Accessibility Summit at McLean Bible Church and spent Friday recovering from the non-stop flight from Des Moines to Reagan International airport and the shuttle ride the airport to the hotel the day before.
Because the flight was direct, I expected to see both Iowa Senators, all the Congressmen, their aids and Kevin Spacey on the flight. I admit to being a tad disappointed by their absence, but viewing the Washington Monument and the Capitol Building as the airplane landed made up for it.
I was pleasantly surprised to be the only passenger on the 9:30 AM shuttle other than the driver, too. Kinda like a taxi ride, only cheaper, I congratulated myself as he pulled away from the curb.
My perky Polly outlook took a dive when the driver picked up his cell phone and talked his way through several miles of the trip. “Never listen to our lead driver,” he admonished the person on the other end of the call. “He knows nothing. Don’t follow his directions. Just use your GPS.” Their conversation was cut short when the driver took the exit ramp, immediately slowed, drove onto the shoulder, and then put the shuttle into reverse to back onto the freeway again.
“Wrong ramp,” he explained before making his way to the next ramp and exiting again.
My heart raced until the soothing view of green grass, magnolias, cherry trees and forsythia in bloom calmed my spirit and lowered my pulse quite nicely. It skipped a beat or two at the sight of the rows and rows of grave markers in the Arlington Cemetery. It skipped a few more beats when a huge building came into view and my inner spy kicked into gear.
Is it the CIA? FBI? Not enought sides for the Octogon, and too many 90° angles for the Pentagon, I thought.
But a sign proclaimed it to be a Pentagon despite my skepticism, and for a while I was too excited to notice the seedy neighborhood the shuttle driver was barreling through. The neighborhoods and the scenery looked nothing like previous trips from the airport. I was just beginning to wonder if the driver was really an Octogon tourist and I was his hostage to get to Broccoli Obama when I remembered I’d only flown into Dulles International before.
Moments later, the Metro rail line construction zone near the hotel came into view, and I began to smile. The driver pulled into the hotel drop off, came around and opened my door. A warm breeze ruffled my hair. I exited the van with a smile. What’s better than a spring day in DC? I asked myself.
Right before I began to sneeze.
Photo Source: Creative Commons kmf164
by jphilo | Apr 23, 2013 | Top Ten Tuesday
Hmmm…is the topic of time management really so sad?
Last weekend, I attended the 2013 Accessibility Summit near Washington, DC. As always, traveling is a wonderful opportunity to people watch and be reminded of life outside my own circumstances. It also leads to a multitude of random travel observations, which you’ll be relieved to know have been gleaned to this top ten:
10. Skinny pants still don’t look good on anyone over the age of 8.
9. From the looks of things, 90% of this year’s pansy seedlings are beautifying the highways and byways of the DC area. What will the rest of the country do if spring ever when spring moves further west?
8. I felt very cosmopolitan walking around the international terminal at the Waskington Dulles airport. However, I looked very midwestern. Sigh.
7. God, pour our your blessings on parents traveling with infants and toddlers.
6. Seeing green leaves sprouting on trees, red bud and crab apple blossoms, and tulips in bloom several weeks before they bloom in the rest of the country makes jet lag worthwhile.
5. When your luggage on the way home is heavy with unsold books, all you have to do is ask someone to help, and they will. Don’t ask how I know this.
4. Flight attendants deserve more pay.
3. My friend Rebekah Hamilton of Key Ministry has ushered in a whole new era for non-profit fund raising. Turn paper toilet seat covers into fashionable headgear and people will pay to see someone else wear them in public.
2. Kuddos to the Dulles airport staff for handling a medical emergency with a minimum of fanfare and a maximum of speed and competence. You are amazing!
1. Walking around the airport and watching crowds of people from different places and cultures milling about, realizing many more people are milling about airports all over the world, the words of a hymn came to mind:
How deep the Father’s love for us,
How vast beyond all measure,
That He should give His Son for us,
To make a wretch His treasure.
How deep and vast indeed!
What travel observations have you made lately? Leave a comment.
