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Lovin’ That Tech Support this Fantastic Friday

Lovin’ That Tech Support this Fantastic Friday

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In the past 2 months, we’ve been without internet service twice. For a week each time. So when I ran across this post from September of 2010, it was an obvious choice for this Fantastic Friday. The Man of Steel, who dealt with tech support this time, discovered that tech support hasn’t improved much in the past 5 years. If anything, it’s gotten worse.

Gotta Love That Tech Support

For about twenty-four hours, ever since our modem died yesterday afternoon, the technological forces of the universe did their best to unwire our household. Thankfully, despite their best efforts and my lack of technological skill, they failed miserably.

I won’t bore you with the entire saga. (Careful now, your sigh of relief could be audible.) Instead, here’s a quick run down of the three – count ‘em – three calls to our internet provider’s tech support headquarters it took to before all systems were once again go.

PROLOGUE: All three calls began with one of those obnoxious, prerecorded helpers designed frustrate clients so they’ll hang up before reaching a live technician. My favorite part of the pre-recorded advice was given right after I indicated the problem was a lack of internet connection. The mechanical voice announced, “You’ll find ways to fix many internet-related problems by yourself using the free tutorials and instruction manuals at our website.”

Grrrr.

CALL #1: When the live tech support woman finally came on the line, she scolded me for not checking for power cord issues before calling. When she heard the cord was plugged into a power strip, she suspected it was the culprit. After I performed a series of contortions to unplug the modem and several tests per her instruction, the modem came back to life. “See,” she admonished, “You could have determined it was a power cord issue without my help.”

Before our call ended, I had to promise this woman that if the modem again failed, I would complete the power cord test before calling for tech support. Two hours later, the internet connection again failed, so I performed the required tests. But this time, I couldn’t resuscitate the modem on my own, which led to…

CALL #2: When a live tech person finally came on the line, I described the tests completed before calling. “Okay,” she said, “let’s start by checking for a power cord issue,” and began describing the tests I had just completed. When she finally realized I’d been a big girl and done those tests all by myself, she said, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but you have a bad modem and need a new one.”

I really, really wanted to ask her to get the previous tech person on the line and repeat what she’d just said, but restrained myself in the interest of time. She also said another tech call would be required to configure the modem, once it was purchased, which led to…

CALL #3: After purchasing the new modem, I once again called our internet provider. A friendly, helpful and very young-sounding man walked me through the configuration process. While we waited for stuff to download and reconfigure, he made comments like, “That’s a good-looking modem you’ve got there,” and “You’ve got yourself a real good modem,” and “Everything looks good from this end.” All of which made me wish I’d spent more time on my hair and make up this morning, ‘cause who knows what else was showing up on his computer screen?

We checked and double-checked the internet connection and then the wireless router, and all systems were go. So my complimentary helper ended the call by saying. “Now, won’t your husband be surprised when he comes home to find you set the new modem up all by yourself?”

If I were a brave woman, I would call tech services to ask one last question: Do you have an online tutorial that teaches tech guys how to quit while they’re ahead?

Timing Is Everything

Timing Is Everything

Losing our internet connection is proof enough for me that God laughs and timing is everything.

The last two weeks have been painful. First, my stay with my daughter and her husband ended, which meant I had to say good-bye to our beautiful grandson. Next, I spent two days figuring out what I’d been doing before my month of play (long July 4th weekend in the Twin Cities, a week in Idaho, and a week with my daughter’s family), getting the house in order, and keeping appointments.

Then it was time to visit Mom, who was more than a little miffed because I had missed 2 Wednesday visits in a row. (Never mind that the Man of Steel came in my stead both weeks.) And because her new jeans–the ones I’d spent two weeks and 3 return trips to the store until I found ones that fit her–don’t fit just like her old jeans did.

At which point I trounced her playing Rummikub.

On the drive home from that visit, I said to myself, “Now you’ll be home for several days. You’ll get caught up on your writing. You’ll have time to think and recuperate.”

At which point God laughed.

And I walked into our house where the Man of Steel was on the phone with CenturyLink, our internet provider. He was on the phone a long time and finally hung up, a bit disgusted. Which for him means saying something unpleasant in a kind way. “We won’t have internet for a week.”

At which point I began to cry.

And to pack my briefcase with all the writing materials necessary for a week’s worth of writing. The briefcase was heavy. Heavy enough that I considered cramming everything into plastic garbage bags and steeling a grocery cart from the store down the road.

At which point I realized my sister is right. I am a drama queen.

So I ditched the garbage bag/grocery cart idea. But I did spend the week as an internet homeless author, wandering the streets in search of free public free access to the worldwide web. It wasn’t fun. And I got really, really behind on my work. Frustratingly so.

At which point my daughter, the literature major, sent her edits for Run, Jane, Run via email.

That cheered me up immensely as she really liked the book, and her suggestions for improving it were wonderful. Her ideas will require several more days, maybe even a couple weeks, of revising. But it was something I could do stay home and do without internet access.

At which point the repairman came and our internet service was restored.

Which just goes to show timing is everything. And God is still laughing.

Three Internet Homeless Thoughts for Thursday

Three Internet Homeless Thoughts for Thursday

Three thoughts about what it's like to be internet homeless.

  1. When the construction crew installing a culvert at the bottom of your driveway accidentally cut the line the internet company didn’t flag–though they flagged your neighbor’s line–that internet company may still wait an entire week to repair the line. Even though the nice construction crew flagged the cut line and left it exposed for the not-so-nice internet crew.
  2. A person who’s work is conducted mostly online becomes internet homeless when without the service for a week. That person wanders from church to coffee shop to library day after day after day and becomes increasingly frustrated, less organized, and less efficient as time goes by.
  3. An internet homeless person doesn’t have the mental where-with-all to write sweet blog posts about life on gravel roads or snappy top ten lists. An internet homeless person is also unable to test new recipes while wandering far from the kitchen.

Have you ever been internet homeless? Tell your story in the comment box.