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Miracles Still Happen

Miracles Still Happen

My technological skills are limited. For years, they were non-existent. Then, I mastered the garage door opener and the computer on switch in the same month. After that they plateaued for a good long time. Until Monday when my skills sky rocketed, thanks to a technological miracle.

Skeptical?

Then take a good look at the above picture. It documents the execution of a miracle deemed impossible by those who are familiar with my technological deficit.

So what was the miracle?

I connected my computer to an LCD projector, and the Keynote presentation that accompanies the time management workshop I gave at the Iowa Learning Disabilities Conference showed up on the screen ON THE FIRST TRY.

Still skeptical?

Okay, it wasn’t a solo miracle. Lots of people helped, starting with a lady iGenius at the Apple Store. She wrote down the names of two different adapters that can connect MacBook Pros to LCD projectors. I emailed that information to the nice lady coordinating the conference, and she emailed back pictures of the cord that would connect to the Apple adapter.

Getting confused?

I was too until I took the picture back to the Apple Store and showed it to another iGenius. This one was a guy, and he said the adapter required was a VGA. Unfortunately, they were out of stock, but available online. He must have recognized my deer-in-the-headlights look at the mention of online ordering, because he offered to walk me through it. Which he did without laughing even once.

Starting to believe me?

The VGA adapter arrived a few days later. I arrived at the conference plenty early Monday morning, with the adapter and my computer in hand. Another nice lady located the LCD projector and helped set it up. Then she got confused by all the wires, and left to find help. While she was gone, I plugged everything together and opened my computer file. And there it was, the first slide of the presentation on the screen. I even figured out how to manipulate the focus lever.

Can you hear the Charlton Heston miracle music in the background?

That’s when I grabbed my iPad and took a picture. Much to the chagrin of the next nice lady, who arrived to solve the tech issue. Instead she had to endure my incomprehensible babblings about miracles, my incompetence, and the need to digitally preserve the moment or no one would ever believe me.

Now do you believe me?
Thought so.

iFeel Like an Apple iDiot

iFeel Like an Apple iDiot

 

The first four items on my weekend to-do list

  • Clean the bathrooms.
  • Vacuum bugs in the guest bedroom.
  • Put finishing touches on speech for next week.
  • Make apple pies for church camp scholarship auction.

were a snap to finish. In fact iWas so pleased with my skill and efficiency, my mom would have warned me not to break my arm while patting myself on the back had she been here to do so.

Then, iTackled the last two items on the list

  • Research iCloud.
  • Research iPad 3.

Two paragraphs into the first online article, iWondered if it was written in a foreign language. The article was peppered with phrases like like

iOS device,
wireless pushing,
4 GB,
retina display,
oleophobic scratch-proof glass,
slick interface,
blazing LTE hotspot.

iDidn’t understand any of them. My iCloud and iPad research made one thing perfectly clear. When it comes to technology, iFeel

iNcompetent,
iNsecure,
and
iN need of an iNterpreter.

So tomorrow, off to the Apple Store iGo where, hopefully, a perky iGenius in a bright, blue T shirt will refrain from laughter while answering my iCloud questions, respond with kindness when a blank look is my response to his answers, and exhibit great patience while conducting my iPad tutorial. iN short, iNeed an Apple Store iGenius who can do the iMpossible. iNeed an Apple Store iGenius who can make me feel

iNspired
iNstead of
iDiotic when navigating the
iUniverse.

Otherwise, iAm coming home to unwire my iUniverse and launch an apple pie baking business iNstead. Like my mother always said after she warned me about breaking my leg by patting myself on the back –

iF you can’t conquer ’em, cook ’em.