by jphilo | Feb 16, 2016 | Top Ten Tuesday
Lately, I’ve been thinking about Mom’s parents, Vernon and Josephine Hess. Because my paternal grandma died before I was born and my paternal grandpa died when I was 8, Grandpa and Grandma Hess were the only grandparents present throughout my childhood. Their style was more hands-off than hands-on, perhaps because they didn’t have enough hands or time to be actively involved in the lives of 39 grandchildren. Even so, I hope to pass down to my grandchildren many of the heart treasures they passed down to all of their grandkids. Here’s my top ten list.
10. Playing cards. My grandparents didn’t play many board games, but they loved playing cards. Our grandson will old enough to appreciate the finer points of Go Fish! From there, we will move onto Crazy Eights, Old Maid, Uno, Skippo, Hearts, Cribbage, and Shangai Rummy. Once his younger cousins can join the fun, we’ll add Nertz to the mix, too.
9. Love of house plants. Specifically geraniums. Do a Gravel Road website search of “geraniums” for more information.
8. Love for the land. My grandparents were farmers who loved the land. 6 of their 8 children were farmers. We were “town kids” and loved spending time on the farms with our cousins. Because my son is a farmer, I hope my grandparents’ love for the land survives for another generation.
7. Good money management. Grandpa and Grandma raised 8 kids during the Great Depression. Grandma was a gifted money manager. My mom inherited the skill from her, my siblings and I inherited it from her, and hopefully it will be passed along to the grands, too.
6. Strong work ethic. My memories of Grandpa and Grandma all revolve around work. After he retired, Grandpa still helped my uncles on their farms. Grandma was constantly cooking, cleaning, and quilting. The only big whoo-ha of the week was watching Lawrence Welk on Saturday night.
5. Love of cooking. As was mentioned before, Grandma spent a lot of time cooking. And she was a fantastic cook. May of the recipes on this blog originated with her. My grandson and I usually do some kind of “cooking” during weekend visits. Pretty soon, the other grands will join the fun, too.
4. Family history. My grandparents and parents constantly told stories about their growing up years, and stories about their parents and grandparents. My mother even wrote stories about growing up in the depression. My sister illustrates them, puts them in book form, and gives one to Mom each Christmas. She also gives Mom’s great-grands sets of the books when they are born. The stories I wrote for my kids about growing up with a dad in a wheelchair were what nudged me into a writing career. I hope my kids and grands treasure our family stories and add their own to the narrative.
3. Sense of belonging. Though my grandparents didn’t have lots of time to spend with each individual grandchild, they made it very clear that we belonged to them. All my life, being part of their family has been a deep sense of security. What better gift can I give my grands than the same sense of security and belonging?
2. Family love. Unconditional. Unending. All-encompassing. Love that sees not only who a person is in the present, but sees future potential. What a precious gift to pass along to a new generation.
1. Memories of Grandpa and Grandma’s house. My grandparents’ house in town is still standing. I could walk in today and identify where Grandma’s sewing machine stood, where Grandpa sat in the kitchen nook and scraped his grapefruit rind clean, where Grandma hid the red hots, and the exact spot where the bed with a mattress so soft we always slid to the middle stood, where the board games were stored in the coat closet, and where Grandma stored extra pajamas for her grandkids, who sometimes stayed overnight unexpectedly, in the bottom drawer of a dresser in the hallway. Though I haven’t been in the house for 33 years, those memories and many more, are clear and vivid in my mind. When my grandchildren turn 50, then 60, and older, I hope their memories of Papoo and Grammy Jo’s house remain crystal clear and timeless treasures in their hearts.
What do you hope to pass along to your grands? Leave a comment.
by jphilo | May 7, 2015 | Different Dream, Holidays, Special Needs Parenting
To Grandma from your Grandchild with Special Needs
Much of Mother’s Day week at Different Dream is devoted to moms of kids with special needs and rightly so. But today’s post is devoted to the grandmas who embrace their grandchildren with special needs and offer invaluable support to mommies. To honor grandmas, whose grandchildren can’t say how they feel, grandma and guest blogger Kathy Guzzo wrote this letter to grandma from a child with special needs for them. Grandmas, this one’s for you.
To Grandma from your Grandchild with Special Needs
Hi Grandma,
It’s hard for me to find the right words, so I decided to write you a letter. Well, Mommy is writing what I say, since it takes a long time for me to write letters that mean words.
I like you, Grandma, because you make Mommy and me feel special. You don’t make me feel like I’m bad, or make fun of me, or yell at me. Instead of making me play games I don’t want to play, you’ll join me in what I’m doing. You don’t ask me a lot of questions and are okay when I answer yes or no. Somehow you know whether or not I want to talk. Talking is so noisy, but I feel safe having someone just sit in the room with me. Sometimes it calms me down.
I like what you do for Mommy too. When you hug and laugh with her, she smiles on her face. Mommy doesn’t show her smile very often. It’s pretty. I like when you bring different foods over, even when I don’t like them. I’m a picky eater, but you bring Mommy’s favorite. Mommy likes when you talk about when she was little or ask her about the books she’s reading instead of talking about me. And boy does she love white daisies. That’s probably why you bring them to her sometimes. You’re nice to help Mommy with all her jobs around the house. When you help, she gets done faster and doesn’t seem so tired.
I like it when you come over and then Mommy leaves, too. Because sometimes Mommy and I just need to be apart for awhile. Besides, when it’s just you and me at home, we have fun. When mommy comes back it’s like she took a nap. I don’t want mommy to be tired all the time.
Mommy told me that you are her mommy. Mommy doesn’t lie so I know it’s true. Thank you for being her mommy.
I’m out of words and Mommy’s crying a little. Even though she’s smiling, too.
I love you, Grandma!
Your Special Grandchild
Have You Written to Grandma from your Grandchild with Special Needs Yet?
If you haven’t yet, you should. Because I’ve been a grandma for 2 1/2 years now and know much grandmothers love to hear from their grandkids. Whether it’s a card, a letter, an email, Skype or Facetime, or in person, remember your kids’ grandma this Mother’s Day. Or leave a shout out in the comment box for a grandparent who’s making a difference in the life of your child with special needs.
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Kathy Guzzo and her husband live in Northern Illinois and have 4 adult children. One of her daughters was diagnosed with lupus and Epstein Barr Replication as a young adult. Another began struggling with depression and OCD in her mid-twenties. She understands the need for her daughters to be able to make their own decisions regarding their health, but the nurturer in her sometimes has a hard time letting go. She desires to direct others to the peace and hope that God has abundantly available for them.
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by jphilo | Mar 9, 2015 | Different Dream, How-Tos, Special Needs Parenting
Grandparenting Kids with Special Needs: 7 Ways to Connect
A little more than 2 years ago, my husband and I became grandparents. He, and now his new baby sister, live 4 1/2 long, long hours away. Ever since our first grandchild was born, I’ve fought the urge to crawl to my children’s grandparents on my knees to apologize for the emotional pain we inflicted on them by living far, far away from them when our first child was born.
And for having to use the phone to keep them up-to-date on all the cute things he did.
And to break the news, more times than I could count, of his latest special needs setbacks and surgeries.
Grandparenting Kids with Special Needs from a Distance
As a mom, I know both how hard it is to parent babies and toddlers, with or without special needs. As a grandma, I know how hard it is to live far, far away from grandkids, unable to help out in practical ways or to connect with these children who stole my heart the first time I saw them. So when the first grandchild was nearing his second birthday, right around the time he started remembering us between visits, I decided to come up with a way to connect with him across the miles. Several months later, we are closer than ever.
Grandparenting Kids with Special Needs: 7 Ways to Connect
These 7 ideas are so simple, they can help grandparents everywhere be involved in their grandkids lives, too.
- Find out what interests your grandchild. Listen to what the child’s parents say about their child’s likes and dislikes. When you visit, watch for your grandchild’s favorite toys, books, activities, and topics of conversation.
- Do stuff together. During visits, be as actively involved as you can as early as you can with your grandchild. Read, go on walks, get on the floor and play, sing, dance, and create as many memories as you can.
- Pick up the phone. When my kids were little, the grands only called on Sunday afternoon when phone rates were low. Even though cell phones make it possible to call whenever and where ever, we do it on Sunday afternoons, after our grandson gets up from his nap. Now that he “gets” talking on the phone, we ask about his favorite things or mention things we’ve done with him.
- Take advantage of technology. Skype and Facetime are wonderful inventions. Use them now and then so your grandkids can “see” and remember your face.
- Send weekly notes and trinkets. Phone calls, Skype, and Facetime are wonderful, but surprisingly, writing a card to our grandson every week has been the most effective way to connect with him. It’s just a short note about the weather, what we’ve been doing (especially if stories about tools we’ve used because our grandson loves tools), remembering things we did with him, and talking about projects to do together during our next visit. I also slip in a few stickers, because he likes crafts. Very often, he uses the stickers to make something for us or to send to his great-grandmas.
These 5 ideas will go a long way to strengthen your ties with grandkids who live far away. Grandparents of kids with special needs can add two more.
- First, accept grandchildren as they are and love them unconditionally.
- Second, learn more about a grandchild’s specific special need. Ask parents where to start researching and how you can assist them.
Parenting kids with special needs can be very isolating, so a grandparents unconditional acceptance and active involvement is not only a wonderful gift but also a powerful way to draw closer to both grandkids and their parents.
Grandparenting Kids with Special Needs: Your Ideas?
Whether you’re the parent or grandparent of a child with special needs, I’d love to hear how you foster the grandparent-grandchild connection. So share your ideas in the comment box. Thanks!
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by jphilo | Feb 12, 2013 | Top Ten Tuesday
Hiram and I became grandparents in October. (Uh-huh, that explains the shout of joy you heard on that warm and lovely autumn day.) SInce then, I’ve become increasingly aware of my growing behavioral, if not physical, resemblance to my grandmother, Josephine Hess. Therefore, I compiled this list of ten indicators for people who suspect they’re in the process of becoming their grandparents. Of course, the list comes without any advice about how to stop the trend. It’s only purpose is to make what’s happening painfully clear to those of us who can actually remember what’s happening to us.
10. Your toenails are getting too hard to cut with toenail scissors. Your solution is not to make an appointment with a podiatrist, but to move closer to your children so they can cut your toenails.
9. You have an irrational urge to save plastic bread sacks…inside a plastic bread sack.
8. You have matching Grandpa and Grandma chairs in the living room. Facing the television set. Along with a strong desire to watch Lawrence Welk on Saturday night.
7. You believe any recipe for anything can be improved by adding a cup of sugar and a cup of cream.
6. You hang clothes on the line to save money…and because the smell reminds you of your grandparents’ house.
5. You store a variety of sizes of kids’ pajamas and new toothbrushes in the bottom drawer of a dresser…so the grandkids can stay overnight even if they weren’t planning on it.
4. You believe the cookie jar should always be full…just in case the pajama drawer isn’t enough to lure the grandkids to stay overnight.
3. You consider hot oatmeal a delicacy.
2. Ditto for grapefruit.
1. Your favorite Saturday morning of the whole year is when you prune the geraniums you wintered over and put the cuttings in water to root.
What indicators would you add to the list? How are you starting to resemble your grandparents?
by jphilo | Jul 6, 2011 | Advocacy, Different Dream, Special Needs Parenting
Today’s post, along with yesterday’s, comes from guest blogger Julie Riera Matsushima. She’s the author of For the Love of Aimee, a memoir of her relationship with her granddaughter Aimee who lives with special needs. Yesterday, Julie said the first priority of grandparents is to maintain a loving, supportive relationship with their children, the parents of the child with special needs. Today, she describes another component of grandparenting a child with special needs: how to be a supportive grandparent.
Grandparenting a Child with Special Needs: It Takes a Family
So what does it mean to become an involved and supportive grandparent? What can you do to make a difference? The quality of life provided to a child with special needs may largely depend on the quality of life experienced by the family as a whole. Special needs children deserve the same good quality of life as their siblings and peers. It may be a slightly different quality of life but nevertheless a good one.
Include Children in Family Events
Attitude, motivation and involvement on the part of the entire family, not just grandparents, can make all the difference in the world. Inclusion in most, if not all, family activities, outings and travel will provide rich experiences and opportunities for the special needs child to develop their own identity within the extended family unit.
Grandparents can become involved in adaptive sports activities, which provide an outlet for physical activity and an opportunity to build self-confidence. Music and art can also provide grandparents with opportunities to develop creative outlets and interest, even if it is simply listening to music or looking at an art exhibit together. Reading, crafts, baking and other activities can provide hours of enjoyment and gratification when sharing this experience with a special needs child.
Make Your Home Accessible
Extended family should be prepared with appropriate equipment in their home that will provide a safe, accessible and secure environment when the child visits. Walks together and outings at the local park are the most simple opportunities to enjoy nature and get to know each other.
Emotional well being and a sense of belonging, participating and inclusion will provide the child with rich opportunities and confidence to interact with others outside the extended family and reap the rewards of loving relationships with others in their lives. Grandparents can provide activities that will also serve to develop appropriate behavior, communication and social skills.
Make a Difference
Involvement in the child’s school is another area rich in activities for grandparent involvement. Participation in school activities, homework, reading and learning skills can provide the child a heightened level of interest and satisfaction in learning.
Grandparents should also arm themselves with knowledge about the Americans with Disabilities Act, and information about their own grandchild’s rights in school, in transportation, and in life in general.
It is obvious to me that special needs children simply want to be part of the human race; to participate in life the way all children do. Grandparents can and do make a tremendous difference in their lives. I encourage you to think about what you have to offer and what you can do to make a difference to the family in your own life with a special needs child.
We can all make a difference.
Win a Free Copy of the Book!
Julie has generously donated three copies of For Love of Aimee for a book giveaway. To enter the drawing to win one of the copies, leave a comment about how grandparents are involved in your child’s life here or at the end of Part 1 of this series.. The cut off date for comments is midnight on Monday, July 11, 2011. This contest is now closed.
To learn more about Julie, visit her website at www.juliematsu.com.
Thanks, Julie, for sharing your insights with us. Aimee is blessed to have such a loving grandmother!
Part 1
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