Creamed Asparagus on Toast

creamed asparagus on toast 1024x682 Creamed Asparagus on Toast

Yes, you read that right. Today’s post features an asparagus recipe, even though I do not like asparagus. Wait. That’s an understatement. I despise asparagus.

But last week a friend gave us a bag full of the despicable stuff. So the man of steel and Camp Dorothy namesake rustled up one of their favorite springtime meals. One of them had a wonderful time oohing and ahhing, smacking her lips and and saying, “Jo, you don’t know what you’re missing.” Then she bailed and left the other one on dishwasher duty while she watched Wheel of Fortune. Don’t ask me to name names because I’m not that kind of person.

This recipe is mostly guesswork (Translation: Mom didn’t use a recipe years ago when she taught us to make it.), but here’s my best guestimate at ingredient amounts and cooking times.

Creamed Asparagus on Toast

2 cups washed, fresh asparagus, cut into 1/2 inch lengths
2 tablespoons butter
2–3 tablespoons flour
2 cups milk
1/2 cup ham, diced (optional)

Melt butter in sauce pan over medium heat. Add asparagus and ham. Saute for 2 minutes. Add flour and stir until the flour/butter mixture bubbles.

Add milk, a few tablespoons at a time, stirring well after each addition so the mixture doesn’t become lumpy. Stir constantly until mixture comes to slow boil. Turn down heat and boil for a minute or two. Serve over toast.

Three Current Event Thoughts for Thursday

Asparagus 300x177 Three Current Event Thoughts for Thursday

Between the Republican primary season and the argument about health care before the Supreme Court, the news is overflowing with serious and weighty issues. Therefore, I consider it my patriotic duty as a citizen of a democratic country to share three current event thoughts this Thursday.

  1.  As a kid, I considered the Etch-a-Sketch excruciatingly boring. How fitting for it to enter politics.
  2. The attorneys arguing against the health care case before the Supreme Court made a mistake when they picked broccoli as the symbol of government going too far. The public outcry would be much louder if people thought the government was forcing them to buy the evilist of all vegetables. You know what I’m talking about. Asparagus.
  3. Imagine the primary season if Chatty Cathy entered the race. Now that would be interesting.

Now it’s your turn. What children’s toy would spice up the race in your eyes?

In Pursuit of Truth – Recycled

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Today’s recycled post revisits a controversy that caused great excitement during it’s first airing in May of 2008. The whole issue is a moot point around here, because it the last three years, the spruce trees around the former asparagus patch won the battle for supremacy. The patch pictured above is no more (insert my happy dance here), and though I graciously suggested starting a new one, Hiram decided against it.

So, my only reason for broaching the topic is to stir up controversy. I’m curiously waiting to see if my asparagus-loving friends will notice and make rabid comments either here at the blog or on Facebook. Let the fun begin!

In Pursuit of Truth – Recycled

A certain percentage of this blog’s readers are vegetable activists. If you’ve read their comments in defense of asparagus, you know what I mean. So you may be thinking I took this picture of emergent asparagus in order to curry the favor of this small but very vocal minority. That’s simply not true.

I took this picture because I figured someday I may write another recipe column about asparagus. Most of the column will be a hoax. The recipe will be tested months in advance with alien asparagus, beamed in from who knows where. And I’ll be lying through my teeth about how delicious asparagus is.  The least I can do is use a my own, personal file photo of Iowa grown asparagus.

Now you know why I was prone on the dewy grass in our yard early yesterday morning, camera in hand. I was not pandering to vegetable activists. I was pursuing truth and justice, at any price.

And if anyone knows how to get grass stains out of sweat pants, please contact me immediately.

Heavenly Thoughts – Recycled

shapeimage 1 1041 300x171 Heavenly Thoughts   Recycled

A dearest friend marks another year of life this week, so when this entry about celebrating her birthday in March of 2009 popped up, it was the obvious choice for this week’s recycled  post. This post had the added benefit of launching the annual spring asparagus controversy: Is it edible or is it a noxious weed? The post below will reveal which camp I’m in and may even garner some comments from readers who actually put the stuff in their mouths and swallow it!

Heavenly Thoughts

Monday night, five of us went to Bravo’s in West Des Moines to celebrate a friend’s birthday. Grilled asparagus was on the menu, which the birthday girl pointed out, even though she knew of my aversion to it. The other women all like asparagus and shared cooking tips concerning the evil vegetable. I tried not to gag. Finally, the birthday girl asked me not to post any asparagus rants on the blog this spring. What was I supposed to do? It was her birthday girl, and I was severely outnumbered. So I promised, knowing full well my chances of keeping the promise were slim.

This morning, asparagus came to mind again, once I talked myself into taking my morning walk. Forty-nine percent of me hollered, “I don’t like to walk in the cold,” while fifty-one percent replied, “But it’s so good for you. Your back feels better you walk.” The promised health benefits and a little vote-rigging with my emotional hanging chads got me out the door.

The cold was so unpleasant, I immediately thought of asparagus. Then my thoughts shifted to what I want heaven to be like: fresh strawberries and sunshine, time to do every good thing in the company of people I love. Then I had another thought. What if heaven isn’t everything I like, but me transformed into someone who loves to do the things God says are good for me? Exercise would be joy instead of drudgery. All work would be pleasure because it’s inherent goodness would motivate me.

Best of all, I would no longer be a picky eater with a sweet tooth. Healthy foods would be my favorites, and I would never overeat. It sounded like heaven to me until another thought stopped me short. What if, on every Valentine’s Day throughout eternity, I received a box of asparagus truffles? Would I actually enjoy them? Did I want to find out?

Then I devised a scheme to avoid the whole issue. I’ll save the truffles until my friend’s birthday and give them to her. She’ll be happy, I’ll be happy, and heaven will be spared the possibility of one of my asparagus rants. Keeping my promise to the birthday girl will be easy once eternity rolls around. Now if I can figure out a way to do it during this life.

Any suggestions?

Heavenly Thoughts

shapeimage 1 360 300x171 Heavenly Thoughts

Monday night, five of us went to Bravo’s in West Des Moines to celebrate a friend’s birthday. Grilled asparagus was on the menu, which the birthday girl pointed out, even though she knew of my aversion to it. The other women all like asparagus and shared cooking tips concerning the evil vegetable. I tried not to gag. Finally, the birthday girl asked me not to post any asparagus rants on the blog this spring. What was I supposed to do? It was her birthday girl, and I was severely outnumbered. So I promised, knowing full well my chances of keeping the promise were slim.

This morning, asparagus came to mind again, once I talked myself into taking my morning walk. Forty-nine percent of me hollered, “I don’t like to walk in the cold,” while fifty-one percent replied, “But it’s so good for you. Your back feels better you walk.” The promised health benefits and a little vote-rigging with my emotional hanging chads got me out the door.

The cold was so unpleasant, I immediately thought of asparagus. Then my thoughts shifted to what I want heaven to be like: fresh strawberries and sunshine, time to do every good thing in the company of people I love. Then I had another thought. What if heaven isn’t everything I like, but me transformed into someone who loves to do the things God says are good for me? Exercise would be joy instead of drudgery. All work would be pleasure because it’s inherent goodness would motivate me.

Best of all, I would no longer be a picky eater with a sweet tooth. Healthy foods would be my favorites, and I would never overeat. It sounded like heaven to me until another thought stopped me short. What if, on every Valentine’s Day throughout eternity, I received a box of asparagus truffles? Would I actually enjoy them? Did I want to find out?

Then I devised a scheme to avoid the whole issue. I’ll save the truffles until my friend’s birthday and give them to her. She’ll be happy, I’ll be happy, and heaven will be spared the possibility of one of my asparagus rants. Keeping my promise to the birthday girl will be easy once eternity rolls around. Now if I can figure out a way to do it during this life.

Any suggestions?

Whew!

shapeimage 1 508 300x171 Whew!

Whew! Since yesterday, spring’s been hurtling forward at breakneck speed. It’s left me a bit breathless, unsure of which beautiful sight to share with you today. Would you like to see the redbud trees in our neighbor’s ravine or the goldfinches in the tree? Or maybe the one perched on the fence by our driveway?

Finally, I settled on the magnolia. You saw gray pictures of the swelling buds weeks ago and endured my worry over the possibility of frost damage last week. To my great joy, most of the buds survived. Our bush/tree (we’ve still not settled that disagreement) is loaded with blossoms. Magnolia trees all around town are a frenzy of blooms this week, stunning and lush, worth eleven months of waiting and the fear of frost.

This spring day is so spectacular, I’m hanging the wash on the line as an excuse to spend more time soaking up sunshine. I harvested a few more stalks of asparagus. Enough, Mom says, to make creamed ham and asparagus on toast for her and Hiram tonight. She even offered to make something different for me.

Spring’s been a wild ride these last few days. I’m determined to enjoy every minute of it.

In Pursuit of Truth

shapeimage 1 5211 300x171 In Pursuit of Truth

A certain percentage of this blog’s readers are vegetable activists. If you’ve read their comments in defense of asparagus, you know what I mean. So you may be thinking I took this picture of emergent asparagus in order to curry the favor of this small but very vocal minority. That’s simply not true.

I took this picture because I figured someday I may write another recipe column about asparagus. Most of the column will be a hoax. The recipe will be tested months in advance with alien asparagus, beamed in from who knows where. And I’ll be lying through my teeth about how delicious asparagus is.  The least I can do is use a my own, personal file photo of Iowa grown asparagus.

Now you know why I was prone on the dewy grass in our yard early yesterday morning, camera in hand. I was not pandering to vegetable activists. I was pursuing truth and justice, at any price.

And if anyone knows how to get grass stains out of sweat pants, please contact me immediately.

Brrrr

shapeimage 1 547 300x171 Brrrr

The weather reports are full of frost warnings for tonight, one day after the average last frost date for our part of the state. But I’m not complaining. No, no, no, definitely not. Never. Not me. No way.

But I’m feeling so sorry for the two poor deer who wandered across our lawn this morning. Cold, shivering little creatures, longing for spring was written all over their frozen faces. I felt so sorry for them I almost cried. But I regained control and grabbed my camera so I could take a picture of their tundra-weary faces through the picture window in the living room.

Maybe you won’t believe this, but I’m even feeling a little sorry for the asparagus. A whole passel of stalks emerged over the weekend, and they could get their tender tips nipped but good tonight. What a loss.

My greatest concern is for the magnolia. This morning I asked Hiram if we could cover the bush tonight and save the blossoms, which have been on hold for the better part of a week now, waiting to for one warm day in a row. He looked at me with his what-was-I-thinking-when-I-asked-her-to-marry-me look and said, “There’s no way to cover a tree.”

In my mind, the whole issue boils down to a matter of semantics. If he would call it a bush, there would be no problem covering it. If he insists on calling it a tree we’ve got problems. And since he’s the one who has to climb the ladder, me being quite afraid of heights, to cover the top of the bush, we’ve got problems.

There’s the frozen venison on the lawn, the asparagus shivering in its little green boots, semantic squabbles threatening our marriage, and my fear of heights which has rendered me unable to save any magnolia blossoms taller than me.

Good thing I’m not complaining about the weather today. I’ve got enough problems the way it is.

Rhubarb

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The rhubarb’s up. The sight of it has me all atwitter. We planted the patch about three years ago, and finally, the plants are established and healthy. So this spring we’ll have rhubarb pie, rhubarb crisp, strawberry-rhubarb jam – I can taste it already.

For all you asparagus lovers, the stuff’s not up yet. But be patient. A few more warm and rainy days and you, along with my husband and mother, will be happy people.

So tell me, why does the sight of rhubarb, and even the prospect of asparagus, make me so happy? Why does it tickle me as much as the museums we saw in Savannah? A walk around my yard makes me giddy. I greet the peonies, tulips and daffodils like long lost friends. The sight of the magnolia blossoms, ready to burst into bloom any day now, leave me breathless. Even pulling  dandelions and creeping charlie and quack grass satisfies me more than the delicious southern cooking we tasted.

Our trip was great. I enjoyed every minute spent with my sister and mom. But coming home is even better. And arriving when the rhubarb’s waving – well, that’s a blessing to treasure.

Asparagus Dilemma Resolved

shapeimage 1 831 300x171 Asparagus Dilemma Resolved

The dirty asparagus deed is done. The omelet, stuffed with Swiss cheese and imported asparagus trucked in from who knows where, has been made. At least the stuff was on sale for $1.99 a bunch.

The sun is shining so I had plenty of natural light for the food photo shoot. (It is so hard to get vegetables to lick their lips and gaze sexily at the camera so I need every advantage possible.) The least appealing and therefore most honest picture is shown above. The one for the magazine, with a background of perky looking houseplants in brightly colored pots, make the omelet look much too nice. (If you want to see that photo, you’ll have to wait for the April issue of Facets. When it comes out, I’ll add a link to it.)

For now, the omelet is covered with plastic wrap, waiting in the refrigerator for Hiram. He volunteered to eat it.  All I have to do now is unload the remainder of the bunch of asparagus on my mom. Then she’ll call Hiram and ask him to come to over for supper. They’ll have creamed asparagus with ham on toast, and they’ll talk about what a picky eater I am.

I don’t even care. So far as I’m concerned, the whole asparagus dilemma is resolved. My photo of fake Iowa asparagus is good enough to perpetrate the necessary hoax. The recipe column makes asparagus sound delicious, even though I lied through my teeth to make that happen. And the payment for these grievous sins is an evening off while someone else fixes supper for my husband.

Sometimes, crime does pay.