I spent most of last week blowing my nose and wondering why God saw fit to allow the common cold into creation. I’m still waiting for an answer to that questions. In the meantime, I came up with the top ten positives and negatives associated with having a cold.
10. It’s a chance to finally sing bass. Then again, with a throat that feels like raw meat, who wants to sing?
9. Those with stock in a tissue company can feather their own nests. But who takes out stock in a tissue company?
8. Colds are easier to weather now that I’m not teaching school. Then again, I don’t get a lot of sympathy sitting around the house all day.
7. Plugged ears are a good excuse for not listening to people. But they make it hard to keep up with the latest gossip.
6. People are more respectful of personal space when someone has a cold. Either that or they’re too grossed out by hanging boogers to stand nearby.
5. Colds create the perfect excuse for taking a nap in the middle of the day. Which means there will be more work than normal to do upon recovery.
4. Colds provide a legitimate reason to say “no” when someone needs a volunteer. But colds turn potential volunteers into emotional weaklings who say “yes” when they should say “no.”
3. A cold gives sufferers an opportunity to rest and recover while watching daytime TV. Then again, does anyone define daytime TV as restful?
2. A cold makes a person appreciate good health. Except colds make most people are so miserable they think they’re gonna die and never be healthy again.
1. A cold is one of those gifts that keeps on giving, the kind to share with anyone and everyone. Unfortunately, people sometimes give it back.